The Journey to Success Part 4

My first job out of college was a challenge because I didn’t really know what to expect. And what I expected and what actually happened were so vastly different that it frustrated me to no end. I spent most of my days doing ABSOLUTELY nothing. I went to work and warmed a seat. Here I was fresh out of college ready to be awesome and as useless as a mechanical pencil without lead (well I found it funny…and the best useless thing I could come up with). The thing is I knew this where God wanted me to be because he worked it out for me. I was about to graduate no idea what I was going to do. He swooped in just in time.

Eventually I found my niche at the company, and really started to LOVE my job. I felt comfortable (maybe that’s the key) and was on the track to be awesome. But somehow in God’s wonderful plan for my life I relocated and had to start a new job at a new company in a new city. So here I am over six years later, another degree and more letters behind my name, and again feeling useless. I will not bore you with the trivial details of why and how much I dislike where I work and some of the people I work with.
While I am actively looking for a new job, I am trying to make the most out of my experience here (pray church!!). I know God is able, he got me this job. Although I am ashamed to say I doubted him (smh). I am trusting him because He has turned some sucky situations into great experiences. Not sure if that will be my story in the end, but we’ll see. In my journey to contentment I am trying to totally trust God and seek out his lessons prayfully. I have prayed more at work than ever…growth (I mean stopped head dropped, pleading for his guidance…and PATIENCE). The one thing I do notice that is different than six years ago my mentally attitude. I don’t feel stuck (permanently) as I used to feel. This is only a temporary stop on my success train.

It's July!!

To say it's been a while is an understatement!!!! What have I been up to...the grind of life. Working...pausing (Sabbath)...working. My job got off to a good start, there have been some bumps in the road, but I’ll write later about that. In other news everything is trucking along here in the Big Apple. Some days I am amazed that I made such a big move. There are things I like and things I would do without. There are also some things I miss about Huntsville (I know…this is growth).


I love the fresh fruit, and other basic things, on the side of the road for basically pennies (4 bananas for a $1…yes, please). I like the transit system, it’s cheap and fairly efficient (no air in the subway though, that’s no good). It’s hard to believe that I can go wherever I want in the city on my metrocard for $104 a month. I used to use that in two weeks driving around (my budget is impressed). I love the abundance of culture. Unlike in the south when you are simply white or black or at times Mexican (no not even Hispanic). Here you are a Southern Indian, Ethiopian, European, Puerto Rican, Dominican, the possibilities are endless. So for someone like me who is a Black (although I’ve been asked because of my hair and complexion if I am something other than “black”), Seventh-day Adventist, pescotarian I feel close to normal. There is always something for me to eat, people are tolerant of my sunset Friday to sunset Saturday beliefs. There is always something to see and things to do. I saw my first Broadway show two months after I got here. It was called a Streetcar Named Desire starring Blair Underwood, Nicole Ari Parker, Daphne Rubin-Vega and Wood Harris. It was good and the acting was great. Honestly, I didn’t think Nicole had it in her. While I was there I saw Jasmine Guy (Whitley from A Different World and Boris Kodjoe, Nicole’s Boo and actor) And I can’t forget to mention the zillions of restaurants.

However as the facts of life teach us you must take the good with the bad. I could do without the New York “lifestyle.” The cost of living here is crazy and it seems everyone is always trying to keep up with one another. I mean seriously a 800sq ft apartment for over $5000. -_- Ridiculous. I miss my house… The small portions at expensive restaurants, I am not amused. The New York attitude that is ever present most everywhere you go. I’d never thought I long for the random grocery store conversation in the line. I miss driving a little, something about turning the music up while I cruise along. It’s nice to have someone drive for you, and occasionally folks will feel obliged to share their music with you and those on the subway car, but sometimes it gets old. The amount of weird people roaming the streets, I feel like they got all the weird people they could find and just dropped them in New York (a big sarcastic Thanks). The amount of homeless/underprivileged people. It breaks my heart every time I walk into a subway, turn the corner, walk down the street. The poverty here is overwhelming, I feel quite powerless. One day if I get the chance I want to do my best to create a permanent change until then a $1 or two here or there always helps I guess.

I know leaving Huntsville in February I was leaving behind something the familiar and that by itself is something I’d knew I’d eventually miss. I miss being in town when people decided to stop by, living here visits have to be intentional (and so far we’d had two guests). I miss my job and my coworkers. I didn’t realize how much I liked it until it was almost time to leave (and the benefits I would be leaving). I miss church. So to be completely honest, I haven’t been going as regularly as I did in Huntsville. Before you judge…I still honor the Sabbath…ok now you can go ahead. I just haven’t found a good church to attend. The black churches seem to be looooong (get home at 4 PM long…I’m not about that life) and most have been lacking in the area of hospitality (instead of inviting me to the foot washing service, I was asked to watch some ladies’ purses). The mixed churches are missing the passion I find refreshing in the music and the sermon usually (the music is dry and the sermons are boring). So I’m in a rut when it comes to going to church. I still go, but I feel no need to sit in the pew continually as a mere insurance measure that I’ll make it into the kingdom. Last time I checked it doesn’t work that way anyhow; so the jury is still out on the church thing, but God knows and will provide.

Overall I think New York like most things in life is about growth and improvement. It’s about allowing God to lead and going where He wants me (us) to be. I would have never picked this place and, honestly, I am glad I didn’t. God led us here and is blessing us here, so here is where I’ll be at least until my next divine appointment.

The Udpate

I got a job (God is super-de-duper awesome), actually I’m on week four of my new job (yeah it’s been that long). It’s cool, I glad that the Lord worked it out. And he didn’t make me choose cause I never heard from the other company. So now I getting used to being a “New Yorker,” rushing to get to the train, being packed in like a sardine, needing to carry cash around, and so on. I will admit though I haven’t exactly found my place here yet. I’m searching for some sort of familiarity that makes being here more comfortable. But like most places that comes with time. I felt like I would find that in a church setting, but I’ve been unable to find a church I like…until this past Sabbath. I went the friendliest church I’ve ever been to in life (I have also been to the most unfriendliest (this is not word) church I’ve ever been to in my life while being here in New York). I think I might have found a place to go, but time will tell.

In other news my birthday is Friday, that is all. I feel extremely indifferent about it, I'm not excited or sad. I'm just grateful to have made it to another year. I'm probably more indifferent becuase I'll be working I haven't done that in my birthday in years. But it's a friday, so I'll probably leave early. *shrug*

The Blessings Continue...

Soo in the post below I explained how the Lord work my move out. But that's not where it ends.

My husband moved two months before I did. And I stayed in Huntsville. I didn't know how long it would be before I could move, so I drew a line in the sand. I'm learning to step out when God tells me to step out. It's terrifying, it's the culmination of facing the unknown and perhaps failing.

My biggest fear of moving early was not having the money to do so. While I'm not opposed to be a kept housewife, I had to ask myself is that a financially sound decision? And if the answer is no, there was no way I could move. But I didn't want to be left in Huntsville either. In a way I felt like I had been left out on God's blessing. But Aunt Renee reminded me that God doesn't bless only one party in the marriage. We are a team and God made us that way and he wouldn't do that to us.

I drew a line in the sand, and stepped out on a faith cloud. All I asked is the the Lord support my weight. Not only is he supporting my weight, he is carrying me.

I have been applying for jobs since December. It wasn't until last week I actually got a call to come into for an interview. It had to be one of the worst interviews I had ever had. It was a accounting temp agency. In short the interviewer left a bad taste in my mouth. She didn't ask any relevant questions. And she scoff at my salary request (they add an additional fee on top of your salary request, so if you ask for too much it doesn't benefit them as much...cause a company is going to cap the salary request at a certain point). In all fairness, I think the Lord had sent me a sign to not go to the interview, but I felt like maybe it would help me for future interviews.

My next interview was better. I left the interview feeling confident that I could do the job and it would be a perfect fit for me. But the interviewee told me he wasn't aware when they would be able to hire me. :-/ Um sir, I'm unemployed I need a job sooner rather than later. So that was a bummer, and left me feeling a bit discontent.

No sooner had I left I got call from someone else wanted to interview me later that week. That interview went well also, almost better than the first one because the lady said she was interested in me, and she wanted to make a decision by the next week, which worked well with my open schedule.

No sooner had I finished that interview the first company was calling me back for a second interview. The second interview was good. And this time I was told the position would start ASAP. I left there feeling confident that I would receive an offer letter.

But no sooner than I rested in the idea that I would be working for the first company, the second company called for a second interview. Which will take place on Monday.

I'm TERRIFIED that I will get both jobs and have to choose (but I God's got this!). Both I think are great opportunities at great companies with good benefits that have the potential to offer me the salary I requested (in your face temp agency lady...guess you don't know MY GOD). I don't think I can express HOW GREAT GOD IS!!! *praise break* I don't know what this week holds, but I'm thanking God in advance for his continuous blessings and daily grace and mercy.

Testimony Time: Nothing comes from Nothing

So it has been forever! So I guess there is no time like the present to fill the gaps in.

It's been a busy few months, as you can tell...and I doubt things will slow down anytime soon.

I believe that life is full of testimonies, some big some small. However, it's not always about the size as it is about the impact. I sincerely believe my testimony has been in making for the past two and half years. I'm sure there is more, God is sooo great there is always more. So in essence a testimony is never finished, it almost builds on top of the other testimonies you have.

So my testimony starts about a year and a half after I got married. I had been living in Huntsville for about 3 years then after graduating. And quite frankly Huntsville was getting quite old. For starters all of my close friends had moved away, I hated my job, and so on and so far. I also was in serious odds about my self image (which is still a continuous process). Basically I felt trapped and I felt that my growth was being stunted being in Huntsville. I whined and cried to God about it to no avail. I felt like I was missing out on so many things. I felt like I had made some decisions to end up where I was in life. I just felt tired of being me (I documented some of this way back when feel free to check it out).

So what was my solution to get out of this funk. Employ the philosophy I try to live by on a daily basis it's similar to tests and trials come to make you strong. I like to put a spend on it like this, God is always trying to teach you a lesson just like He did with the disciples. He tried His best while He was here to show object lessons in all that he could. So I try to employ that philosophy. Basic get the lesson and move along.

So back to the testimony...I was in my slump waiting for the Lord to help a sister out. I didn't care how I just wanted it done and done quickly. Finally like a child who feels there requests are going unnoticed I started to act out. Suddenly, after what seemed like months of darkness, I asked the one question that help me pull myself up by my bootstraps. What can I do?

All this time I expected God to perform some miracle and make my life better. I expected him to wave some magically wand and make it all better. But what had I done to change my circumstances, what had I done to make things better? Nothing. Rarely do things happened when nothing is done...nothing comes from nothing.

So in an effort to change things I started with the one thing I felt I had control over. I joined a gym. I started working out like a maniac. It eventually paid off, I lost over 40 pounds. And although my goal was to lose 60 (and in a dream I would have loved to lose 80). One thing that helped while working out was positive thinking. Your body tends to tense up when you stress, stress can literally hold on to pounds for you. So on an effort to not to reverse my progress I tried to release all the unnecessary stress I could. And I started with my biggest stressor, work.

I decided on a career path, for some reason I think I had stalled because it felt so permanent. I had been waiting for some grand opportunity to come along and make up my mind for me. But finally I made a decision and it was like all the chips fell in place.

The last area I had to tackle was my relationships. I started with the first and most important one, God. For a while I felt like we were at a stand still and now I realize I was the only one standing still. And I went down the list after that. For a long time I felt like people had abandoned me when I needed them the most. I had written people off, and didn't really feel like being bothered. But good friends know when you need a friend and that's when they stick around. When they are no longer benefited by being your friend, but when you are benefited by being their friend.

As I made this little changes, taking baby steps life seemed to get exponentially better. I changed my attitude and my attitude increased. And last year again for the 3948th time I asked the Lord with more clarity and more understanding to move us from Huntsville. And that it seemed no sooner than I had risen from knees my husband got a new job. And God showed out!!

So we were finally moving...YAY, all is right with the world right? Not quite. So many questions swirled around in my mind: Where was I going to work? What are we going to do with the house? Where are we going to live? As quickly as I thanked God for my blessing I felt overwhelmed by what ifs. And after finally accepting life as it was, and actually enjoying it, it was changing.

But this time it was easier to pull myself out of my funk because I had seen God work on my behalf. And now I wait for what God has called me to do because until you do something nothing comes from nothing.

So.....

I've been meaning to write...I mean really I have. So much is going on though.

I got a new position at work, that is working me like crazy. It was definitely a good change, my boss' suggestion so kudos to him.

I'm moving to New York. Matt got a new job, and so we're off. Well at least he is off. I'm still chilling in the city of mediocrity (lol!).

I plan on leaving by the first week in February. *shrug*

It's crazy cause I know if this would have happened this time last year or the year before last, I would have not been ready. It's amazing that God knows you what you need and when.

Please pray for our house to sell and me to find a job!!

And I'm out...

Thanksgiving Special

So I've been writing this blog for sometime, and now is as good as of a time. I want you all to know. I love you and appreciate you!

> > Family:

> > Mom - the very things I think annoyed me growing up about you are traits I have developed...staying longer than everyone else to help clean, doing things for others because they are nice even though it's an inconvenience. I'll spare the normal thanks for the roof over my head, college education, and car. Thanks for making the awesome, God-fearing woman I am today.
> >
Dad - I'm most definitely a daddy's girl. I truly appreciate all the sacrifice. I believe that's it because of your example I chose such a wonderful candidate for my life partner.
> >
Cicily - I know I get on you about all that ATTITUDE, but I would be lying if I didn't say I had a lot back then too. I love being a big sister to such an smart young lady. Make you respect yourself and others will follow.
> >
Tyler - I know you think most of the time I'm on your back, but it's only because I love you. It's when I stop worrying about you that you should be concerned. Stay diligent in all you do and your hardwork will pay off.
> >
Matt - to one of the most important people in my life...thanks for exposing my flaws, pointing out my mistakes, correcting me constantly...ultimately thanks for making me a better me (even though I usually don't receive it well). You have challenged and I hope I have done the same for you. You have become one of my best buddies...I wouldn't have it any other way. Here's to many more to come...
> >
> > Friends:
> >
Naya (Amyah) - where do I begin?! I love you girl. We've been together since grade school, can you believe it? I can't...through marriages births, who would have thought. Thank you for you friendship, for your sisterhood...thank for my first niece, she's sooo awesome like her mom (and her godmother LOL). Thanks you for entrusting me with the awesome responsibility of being myah's godmother. It's really a honor.  And in case I don't say it enough, you're awesome. I've watched you turn some coal like situations into diamonds. You deserve all the greatness that is coming your way. Myah J - auntie J loves you very (and maybe one day uncle mack will too LOL kidding)
> >
Krystle - twelve years and counting...I know you've been trying to get rid of me, but guess you've noticed I've yet to leave (I haven't seen you leaving either, so...lol). And honestly I don't plan too. We've grown too attach now. Thanks for consistently calling, it makes me feel like someone cares.
> >
Ebony - you restored my faith in adult friendships. I brag on you all the time, about how great a friend you are. I mean seriously...You're the best!! I very thankful our paths crossed. And I'm soo excited for you and all the wonderful things that will be happening to you next year. And I hope to continue to be included to celebrate with you!
> >
Kell - let's recap, you got married, graduated from law school, passed the bar...that's more than some people do in a lifetime. And I would expect nothing less. Our relationship has evolved from roommate to friends, and it's been a fun journey. Your the greatest traveling partner (and candace). I can't imagine trips without y'all! Which reminds need a trip ASAP...we have one coming up. Yay!!! Can't wait!
> >
Candace - I'm so thankful your okay, seriously. After we got off the phone I kept thinking how thankful I am you are ok. If I think about it too long I'll probably burst into tears. Who would I call and harass or panic too?!
> >
Mialana - thanks for just listening, and thanks for sharing. We don't talk as much as we used too, but you will always hold a special place in my heart. It's so great to have someone who understands you when your at your lowest and doesn't kick you while your down.

Justwrite85 Answers Questions

So I came across this on CNN.com…I liked the question because it happens more than people think. And I wanted to give it a stab and answer it.

To Whom It May Concern:

I have been in a long-distance relationship for six months with a guy I’ve known about two years through work; we’ve seen each other in person for what amounts to a month during vacations and we talk daily via Internet chat and video.

I’m in my late twenties; he’s in his early thirties. I really care for him and thought I was falling in love. Things were going really well on our last vacation up until the end of the trip when I asked him was there anything in the relationship bothering him, and he told me that while I had a very pretty face, my weight has been an issue for him.

I have dropped some weight since I’ve first known him and currently wear S-M shirts, U.S. size 8 in pants. He soon apologized after seeing how much it hurt me, but I know it’s honestly what he feels, and is a factor in his attraction to me. He said that while it was a factor, it wasn’t a “dealbreaker.” I can’t stop thinking about it and my self-esteem has taken a bruising. I was working on losing more weight, and this could be a kick in the butt to get on it, but I wonder what it could mean long-term.

I sometimes want to end the relationship because of this and because he doesn’t seem to be as attached as I am, but a part of me wants to see what happens next year. Perhaps I’m moving too fast anyway. What do you think? — Weighty Issues

Dear Weighty Issues,

Six months is a long time, and the fact that you knew him 2 years before that, your size should be no surprise. With that being said people have types, ‘prototypes’ and things they like or prefer. They have the right to have these slight ‘discriminations’ because in all honesty they ultimately have to ‘deal’ with it for as long as the relationship last. The only exception, in my opinion, is if significant change happens during the relationship (i.e. pregnancy weight gain, thyroid issues, etc). If not he went in with eyes wide open, so he can not use this as an excuse, but it doesn’t seem like he did. He was honest and I do applaud him for his honesty…but at what expense?

Weight is such a sensitive subject and it can really pierce deep, sometimes we don’t realize how deep until the spotlight is on us. I can understand why you would take a personal, but to be completely honest, he was just answering a question. If he says it is not a deal breaker, maybe it is taking him some time to get used to it, to get over his ‘discriminations.’ Our basic instincts, wants and desires are deeply embedded. They make up who we are and while at times they may be bias, illogical and/or irrational, they are apart of us.  They are innate characteristics that we possess, so it can take some time to revamp our thinking and replace them with unbiased, logical and rational results. He may be used to dating a certain type of woman. You may be the opposite of that, and it may take him some time to realize his ‘problem’ with your weight is not a problem at all or to realize it is HIS problem and not yours.

Next, we come to the question of whether to end the relationship or wait and see what happens next year. One thing to remember is that while time heals wounds, it doesn’t change people…People rarely change. With all that being said you should consider the relationship as a whole when considering moving on, if he is not as involved as you then that may be a big red flag to move on. However, I don’t think that him expressing his discontent about your weight should be a deal breaker for you if it isn’t for him.

Lastly, losing weight should be a personal conviction. It should not be something that you do for someone else because most things done for others are short lived. Take control of your life and your weight because you want too, not because someone else thinks you should. If you are fine like you are, be proud of that. Be healthy, happy and contentent because ultimately you have to live with yourself.

My Hairstory

So the craziest realization happened to me the day the other day about my hair. I had gone to get my hair done, I figured it was time to get the ends clipped and see the damage I’ve been doing since I’ve just been letting my hair do its own thing. I got it clipped and pressed, it was pretty long just blow dried out, but of course after the cut L…but my hair needed it. The last time I pressed it out was for a friend’s wedding, and of course before the weekend was over so was my hair. That’s usually how it goes, and since I’ve been trying to exercise regularly pressing out my hair has not been an option. Also the fact that it is a production to do so, although I’ve gotten it down to about a 2.5 hour science.

So after I got it pressed I found myself doing the most to make sure I didn’t sweat it out or mess it up. I kept it tied up unless I was going out. I woke up early to press and curl it. I took so much more time getting ready. *SIGH* When I was finally ready to wash it, a week later I was super glad to have my natural curly hair back. Hair that doesn’t make me wench at the rain, hair that requires nothing more than a scrunchy and some gel…I didn’t realize how much I missed it. Simple morning washes and go, slicking it back into a bun, two strand twists. I missed it all.

Now let me get this out I am by no means a natural hair fanatic. I think you should be able to wear your hair any way you want to wear it. I think you should wear what looks good on you, not what is cool at the moment. While I have natural hair I don’t in any way really feel like I identify with “natural hair fanatics.” Perhaps it’s because I’ve been “natural” most my life. My mom let me get a perm in seventh grade after I begged, it was cool just didn’t want to keep it up. All my beauticians warned against it, but sometimes you just have to try things on your own to get it. I guess I don’t identify with them because I have the type of hair that lends itself to being natural, I have a nice wave, curl pattern that works well and is easy to style.

Honestly, I think people are too hype about the natural thing, that’s just my opinion. I don’t think it’s for everyone, but to each his own. However, seeing my natural hair again after a week felt liberating. I missed it. It reminded me of the first and only time I decided to get a track put it. My college graduation, I figured I would be running around and didn’t want to risk messing up a press. Well I was ready for that thing to come out three days later. I almost cut out a chunk of my hair to get it out, my dad finally rescued me (he was used to helping my mom, lol). Then and there I decided my hair was all I needed. I’m lazy when it comes to my hair and I take it for granted, but I really do appreciate it.

So sitting here typing this with my two strand twists untwisted I say maybe I am my hair. It doesn’t define, but it makes up a part of who I am. And when it’s in it natural state I am probably most content, which is the best place to be. J

A Year Later

It’s Tuesday…that loooooongest day of the week. I don’t know why Tuesday always seems so long, but it does. I always feel like time is just slowly milling away. Anywho from time to time I like to check my blog to see how I am doing now versus how I was a year ago.

Last year this time I was in school, tutoring, working and had just finished my second year as assistant youth leader for AYS. Talk about busy. I had also realized my need to distance myself from Twitter and those that chose to roam its streets, lol. I also just gotten the new Kirk Franklin CD, which I still bump faithfully until this day.

So what’s changed? I am no longer in school or tutoring. I needed a break from school, but I do have enough credits to teach on a collegiate level now. Hooray! That goal will soon be accomplished. I no longer work with the church youth…long story short. I have tried to get back into it, but people are not serious. I’ve made some good changes in my diet and exercise routine. I’ve seen some progress, still have a while to go though.

I’ve managed to find my life boat friends. These are the friends that I would put on a life boat with me cause I don’t want to not have them by my side. They have rescued me from despair and helped my split my sides in laughter. I can’t thank them enough, sometimes I’m sure they don’t know how much they help.

It’s almost time for my new job to start. I’m not sure how I feel about it, I’ll let you know when I start. The great thing is I think I’ll get stay on my every other Friday off schedule *fist pump*.

Spare the Rod...

So I’ve been rambling the last few posts. I figured it’d be nice to get an organized post together.

This is not the original article I saw, but it’s the basic story. I saw a clip from the CNN story with Don Lemon, where they had a therapist on reputing the need for corporal punishment, spanking. http://articles.orlandosentinel.com/2011-10-06/news/os-child-abuse-video-arrest-20111006_1_child-abuse-video-youtube

There’s a story in the news about a 25 year-old black man who is accused of abuse. He posted a video on youtube (his dumbest crime) of his teaching a mentee a life lesson for acting out in school. He cut off the little boy’s hair and eyebrows (a bit extreme), spanked him, and made him do a series of bootcamp exercises (possibly also a bit extreme). Now I am not sure what the little boy did, and if the crime really fit the punishment, but these are the facts as I know them (which means very little). Soon the National Center for Missing and Exploited Childrenen tipped off local authorities and this guy is being charged with child abuse. The mentor maintains that the purpose of all this was to teach the little boy a lesson and help him not become a statistic (another jail-bound black man). A noble lesson that hopefully is learned despite the circumstances.

First, it breaks my heart while teaching this lesson, the mentor will fall short of visions I’m sure he had for himself. Once he is convicted he will be caught up in the very cycle he was trying to keep this little boy out of. Yep, I said once he is convicted, he’s going down for this, which is unfortunate I think. I’m sure he felt his heart was in the right place, but the whole thing was poorly executed. It does concern me that the little boy was not his child, but he had been mentoring him for a year, so hopefully they had developed some time of bond. A bond where the child understood and appreciated the standard held, and understood the consequences of not abiding by those standards.

I honestly think his guy’s main crimes were his inability to be more discreet in teaching his lesson, and the extremity of the punishment itself. Part of me feels the punishment was extreme, but I don’t know the crime. I am a firm believer in corporal punishment by way of spanking, to help aid in teaching and correcting. I believe it is important to use physical punishment in combination with verbal lessons (no profanity, or yelling, needed), so that the child understands their wrongdoings and is able to make better decisions in future situations. However, I also am quick to add that, punishments should be tailored to the child, not every child needs a spanking. Parents/Guardians should consider this when disciplining.

The main problem I have with the original snippet I saw was the therapist point of view. Some may think that spanking is not necessary and call it abuse. And I believe spanking can be taken too far, and has been many times before, but I also think it a legitimate way to discipline a child. I hope this guy, and his mentee, have learned some important life lessons. Everyone doesn’t agree with spanking and, in general, we can agree to disagree, “but as for me and my house…”

Sleepy in the Cube

I’m sitting here at my desk…sleepy. Because I decided to stay until after one watching Felicity the series on Netflix. I kept telling myself it was a bad idea to watch another episode, but myself did not listen. Well now I am paying for it. I have actually lasted longer than I thought I would have. So to keep myself from laying my head on my desk and taking a little siesta. I’ll just blog to pass the time. Which essentially means another ramble blog, or perhaps somewhere along my ramble I’ll find a purpose.

So the marriage retreat is coming up soon. Actually next month. I usually am excited to go because I’ve enjoyed myself the times I’ve gone. Just something in my spirit is not willing this year. I think it’s the fact that we have gone three years in a row and still don’t really “know” anyone. We get reacquainted every year and I guess I’m not in the mood for that.

Ever feel like you are being ignored by everyone? No, ok then it’s just me. Welp that’s how I felt this week, ignored and bothersome. Like I was constantly interrupting people anytime I tried to talk to them. And the moment I say that someone hits me up on gtalk. O_O So I decided to not reach out to anyone else except Eb this week as I didn’t feel welcomed. I’m probably being overly sensitive, I’ve been known to do that. *skips along*

I’m planning a game night over my house for my coworkers. I’m trying to decide if I should invite outside work peeps…

I was going to go to atl this weekend, but decided not too. For a couple reasons…I was there two weeks ago, it cost for gas and to put the dogs in the kennel. And after a while going just didn’t seem fun. *shrug*

I have a new phrase “weep softly” …I love coming with new phrases or stealing them from someone else.

I’ve been peeing like a race horse….drinking 64 ounces of water throughout the day has me staying in the bathroom. I wish I could move my computer into there.  

This gtalk chat is doing me good…

On the Real: Two month Rambling

I’m doing it, NOW! Forcing myself to blog. It’s been a while…almost two months. We’ll I am happy (and sad) to report nothing has changed. Well I take that back I got a new position, no more money though, but that’ll come. The crazy thing is I felt pretty confident about getting it, but I’m unsure of where the Lord is taking me on this journey, but He’ll reveal that soon enough. There have been a couple things I’ve been wanting to blog about, but since I didn’t write them down I forgot them. So this will be a bit of a ramble, but I don’t mind. J

Let’s see all in all though everything is copasetic. Things are moving along. Life is changing and I’m doing my best to accept it for what it is.

I’m ready to move out of Huntsville, which is no surprise to most but I think the reason why is changing. And the fact of the matter is I won’t be doing so until the Lord says it’s ok. So until then I wait…

They posted the requisition for my old job and I’m feeling a bit nostalgic, I’ll get over it. Although I do think the new program won a lot more in me than I gave myself credit for. Which means I’m going to have to really talk to the manager about potential promotions. I think after this year, I’ll be ready for one.

I was told today I speak softly on our conference calls. They suggest I be more assertive, which is something I guess I need to work on. I’m not a big fan of criticism, but done properly it’s effective.

I feel like the Lord is about to open the floodgates, and I’m very excited. He is also about stomp on my enemies *shrug*.

I’ve been feeling pretty positive these days, I’m just trying to look at the bright side. I think I’m realizing more that if I do this I am able to better understand the Lord’s lessons and accept His blessings. And I am totally thankful for that.

I’m at an impasse with friendships. I guess it’s part of the life lessons. I realized the other day my expectations of my friends are changing. I haven’t quite verbalized these changes because in a way I’m allowing people to weed themselves out. Basically, I just want more transparency. I want you to feel comfortable talking to me, and if you’re not then perhaps our friendship should be reevaluated. I feel like for a long time I pushed my friendship on people, and I think that era is over.

I have talked to people lately about losing weight and most people say they just want to lose 10 to 20 pounds. They claim they don’t want to be skinny, just fit in their clothes better. I, on the other hand, want to be skinny. If I thought I could reach 120, 110 without doing anything extreme I would. It’s a weird goal I know, maybe it’s because I’ve never been that skinny. *shrug* A girl can dream…I also would like a million dollars.

I started watching Felicity the series (again!!). I used to love that show in high school. Funny how TV can parellel real life. Guess they have to get it from somewhere.

Zumba tonight…I love it. But for some reason I am dreading the gym tonight.

Work is over, Matt is outside waiting, so my boredom for now is temporary done.

Oldies but Goodies

Remember Regine, Khadijah, Sinclaire, Max our favorite TV girlfriends (and Kyle and Overton, our best male friends). Kim, Freddie, Ron our favorite coeds, how about our favorite couple and best wedding scene “Baby please…” Whitley and Dwayne. And who can forget our favorite family, the Huxtables, who truly showed middle class black America...Bare with me I’m having an nostalgic moment. I am a self-proclaimed TV junkie, I spend most of my spare time watching TV, although now that I have a DVR I feel freer to explore other hobbies (still haven't picked up any new ones but I'm working on it); but when the DVR fills up…TV time, I spend more Sundays on my couch than anywhere else. I know there is so much more I could be doing with my time, but you’ve got your hobbies and I’ve got mine. I spend most of the time I watch TV watching the Food Network, my TV literally stays on that channel. Iron chef, Paula Dean, Chopped, Next Food Network Star, The Neely’s, Hungry Girl, Barefoot Contessa, Drive-Ins, Diners and Dives…all my favorites, if it’s on Food Network I watch it pretty faithfully.

I realized the other day, thanks to Eb, I don’t watch many new shows. I try to get into some, but rarely am able too. I became a Hawthorne fan because it was the only new thing to watch in the summer (genius on the producers part...but it started off slow and still lacks some of the character development I appreciate, but bygones), although this season has made me reconsider my commitment (smh so much DRAMA). I embraced Harry’s Law with Kathy Bates (I’ve loved her since Fried Green Tomatoes…if you haven’t seen that, get to it!). Of course, I was a fan of The Game, so I’m excited to see it revived even if it is on BET, the station that takes black people back 30 years. And while I found Let’s Stay Together a bit…tired, I watched the whole season of it. And because of major advertisement on my Pandora stations I started watching Against the Wall, it was only the second episode as of last Sunday, but it might have some potential. I know that seems like a lot, but for a self-proclaimed TV junkie that barely grazes the surface. I caught the pilot of Single Ladies and was quite disappointed. I was hurt at the way they portrayed black relationships, and black women in general (and just because there is one white chick doesn’t diversify the show that much), perhaps it was the day I saw it on and I was emotional or something, but maybe not. I would really like to see less black shows that focus less on what I think brings us down as a society (and a people). I know it’s all for the entertainment, but I just want more in my TV watching. Now I only watched the pilot so it may have gotten better...

Honestly since Centric and TV One have started to play my old favorites I figured why should I have to watch some of the stuff they try to entertain me with, my TV oldies will always be goodies to me. I loved Living Single for the friendship they all shared. They had dating woes, but they were independent and appreciated what a man could do for them. I loved A Different World, it reminds me so much of my college experience it’s scary. Two working, professionals as parents, that was my life, so the Huxtables was relatable to me.

I am not condemning anyone for what they choose to watch that is your decision. Plus I have my guilty pleasures that I indulge in  (reality shows) like I Love New York 1 and 2, Flavor of Love, Real World / Road Rules, You’re Cut off, Celebrity Fit Club, Braxton Family Values, Biggest Loser (that show kept me on the verge of tears), Sinbad, Pep’s Show, Fantasia For Real (Tasia Boo is my girl! LOL). Most of these are short lived, but I have a weakness for watching real people make fools of themselves when money is involved.

All that being said this self-proclaimed junkie is sticking to the oldies but the goodies for now. :)

Life Lesson: #516020

So this week was TONS better than last week. I got approved to start an alternate schedule, every other Friday off…YES! My manager volunteered to mentor me more to help me move along in my career (and I got a glowing interim review, cause I’m awesome and God is GREAT!). And I think I found a trainer, she’s so perky and awesome. Yes this week definitely trumps last week. But in order for me to be so thankful for this week I realize that last week had to happen. So in retrospect I am thankful for the hardships of last week.

While in the trenches it's hard to be thankful or see the light at the end of the tunnel. But that’s not a new issue, I think we all struggle with these type of doubt. I recently finished reading 1st and 2nd Kings. I have to say they have some of the best stories in the bible in those books. Tales of kings and queens, the lavish lifestyles, and of course the downfalls of empires. It’s better than most novels I’ve read and even better cause it’s real life events. What stuck out to me the most was reading about Elijah and Elisha. Now two of my favorite prophets from the times of old. These men were in true communion with God. They believed in the power that the Lord had given them. They spiritual balance they possessed is awe-inspiring to me. Elijah stopped the rain (1 Kings 17:1), a dead man fell on Elisha’s bones and was revived (2 Kings 13:21)…the power these men had because of their faithfulness and relationship with God makes me excited. It excites me because I know it’s still possible I believe in that power, I want that power.

While I know it’s possible I find myself stunted because so many times I doubt my ability fully. I don’t want to say or do the wrong thing. I don’t know if my course of action is the BEST course of action. It’s like being afraid to die and afraid to live. It’s almost like I think I’ll make a mistake, but I have to know that God is still in control no matter what. I have started to really and truly realize if you are faithful to God, he’ll be faithful to you. Hands down.

So until then I stay encouraged...

It has been a long week. My mental strength and (somewhat…lol) optimistic attitude have been tested. If I didn’t think it would be too emotional draining I would give a blow by blow. In a nutshell…I got cursed out by someone at work, I’m realized I’m involved in some toxic relationships, my career goals may be unrealistic (when it comes to my mental sanity)…just to name few. But honestly I am still thankful. I am thankful for the weekend and the rest it will hopefully bring. The dawning of a new day and soon a new week. I am thankful for God’s faithfulness and His fulfillment of His will in my life. It hasn’t come yet, but I am thankful and excited for it. I’ve even adopted a new motto: God is great even when life is not good.

Testing with Google+

I just wanted to test this and see if it would update in Google+. I am a bit nervous about sharing my blog with everyone, mainly because people have so much of an opinion about what I should write about and how I should write. But if you are confused about your opinion about my blog please defer to the March 28, 2011 post. J

A Shelter in the Time of Storm

I’m sure most Christians are familiar with the story of the tower of Babel found in Genesis 11:1-9. After the flood the people were scared that God might decide to try and destroy them again, so they decided to take some action. What’s important to note is that God had already promised Noah no more floods, but I guess they dismissed that point (He promised fire next time…hope that junk was fire proof). Anywho  the people started building this tower that would reach ‘the heavens’ so that if God did change His mind, they would be safe up there with Him. Of course, God wasn’t going to let that happen, so he confused theirs languages so they were no longer able to communicate. Personally I think destroying the tower would have brought me more satisfaction, but God and His  grace and mercy. So the people were unable to continue building and thus went their separate ways with those with like languages.

So as most of the world knows we’ve been having some terrifying weather…tsunamis, earthquakes, tornados, hurricanes... In April we had a wave of storms here that left Huntsville in the dark for almost a week. So recently with all the rebuilding people have been trying to take more caution, and have more storm prepared houses and businesses. For instance, my boss is upgrading his house to be completely run on gas in case of emergencies, the secretaries from two departments were discussing their new storm shelters being built (there are nothing but reinforced cement rooms), and there is even talk of understand bunkers starting to take shape (you can having part in one for a couple of G’s) underground. People are spending thousands, maybe even hundreds of thousands to be safe from acts of nature. If only it were that simple.

I understand there are lessons to be learned after the storm. And I did not take those lessons lightly. I mapped out a plan of safety of where to go in my house. I will remember to grab my wallet and important documents and seal them in a plastic bag and if need be attach them to my person. I should have fresh batteries, candles, flashlights, bottled water and canned goods. But my even the most prepared person is still never ready for the biggest storm. After the storm while driving around I saw several cement telephone poles on the ground snapped like twigs. That was a sign to me that there was no running or real safety here on this earth. My safety here cannot be bought or built with cement. There is nothing that keeps me from day to day except God’s grace and mercy. That is the only thing I have that I can rely on especially in times of the storms, and that cost nothing.

Book Review - Jezebel by Jacquelin Thomas

OK so my one book a week goal is just…smh…I finished  my second book this week. Yet another Jacquelin Thomas book. I’m going to stay away from her a while. I love her books mainly because of the biblical principles they force me to acknowledge. And I must at admit every book I have read from her gets me thinking more and more about my spirituality. It reminds that God’s original purpose for the bible was to give us insight. Insight into his mercy and grace, insight into examples that show us how to live, and ways that displease God.

This particular book is modeled after the story of Jezebel, found in 1^st and 2^nd Kings. To be totally honest I don’t think I’ve ever read the story of Jezebel in its entirety, I know that basic gist. But what I do know about Jezebel her name has never been synonymous with anything endearing. She was a conniving woman whom God punished with a  harsh death. No need to elaborate on that much further.

This story is about Jessie Belle a sweet southern Belle who has big dreams of moving out of her small town on to bigger and better things. She is able to do this with the help of her new husband. However, the more Jessie gets the more she wants. She seems insatiable for material wealth and prestige. In the end she gets what she wants, but not without a price. The story of Jessie Belle is similar to any and every one who has even wanted more when what they had was enough.

Book Review - Samson by Jacquelin Thomas

So true to my word…I stopped by the Library and picked up a few books. I thought getting four was a bit ambitious but I have already finished one, so maybe not.

I have finished Samson by Jaquelin Thomas. I did a book review on two other books I have read of hers… Book Review - The Ideal Wife by Jacquelin Thomas  and  Book Review - Redemption by Jacquelin Thomas. She is a wonderful author/storytelling who is able to transform biblical stories into modern tales with the lessons they were intended to have in the bible.

Most people know the story of Samson, it is story of lust, passion and misguided ministry. The story of Samson can be found in Judges 13 – 16. When you are first introduced to Samson in the bible you immediate know how great his calling is. You understand the purpose the Lord had for him. He is destined to be great. However, it is Samson’s desire of lust and passion that stunt his greatness. They cripple his talent and cause him to fall prey to the desires of the world. I believe that Samson’s internal struggle coupled with his desire to do right and his human weakness caused his ultimate demise. Our actions all come with consequences. Some are visible like Samson’s blindness, but some are hidden only scarring us within. The wounds within sometimes take more of a toll on us than some physically injury. Although Samson chose to choose his own way the Lord was still able to use him. Although He wasn’t able to do so until Samson had let go of his desire for lust and passion and truly accepted his call. Samson’s blindness “open his eyes” and his heart to see and accept his true calling. Sometimes it take a little to get our attention and sometimes it takes a lot, but there are always red flags along the way.

In the book Samson is a handsome (6’4”, greenish grey eyes…) preacher who has a weaknesses for women. A weakness that also plagued his father and thus disrupted his early childhood. Yet, Samson believes that he can combat this weakness on his own. He allows his desire and lust to control him. He gets involved with the women and ultimately pays for it. His greed and selfishness cause a trail of bad interactions with those that cared for him the most. Throughout the book there are challenges that call Samson to be better and do better yet, foolishly he thinks he is in control. His lust and passion leads him down the road of destruction, however, like Samson, of old, he is able to redeem himself; but not before he has to deal with the harsh consequences of his actions.

This book made me realize that we all sin…and ultimately sin is sin. No sin is greater than another, this is shocking to most because somehow we feel justified when we can find a greater sin in someone else. You tell a white lie to get out of work…sin. You kill…sin. One might reap greater consequences, but neither is greater. It opened my eyes to the reality of lust and desire, and the danger of uncontained passion. Nothing wrong with any of these things as long as they are controlled and contained. The problem is we are rarely able to control and contain them as we think…”the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak.” Never rely upon yourself for the answers because usually you are the one who got yourself in the mess anyway. And  ultimately “be sure your sins will find you out…” You can only hid behind your sins for so long before you are found out. This is a lesson best learned early to avoid continuously embarrassment. In the end though we are created with a purpose. God has destined all of us to be great, and it is His desire that we fulfill this purpose. However it is up to us to follow His calling for our lives and rest in his grace and mercy when we make mistakes. It is something that takes humiltity and faith, it is not an easy task, but a neccessary one for a content and joyous life .