Relentless Pursuit

Have you ever noticed how the Lord never gives up on you? Or how when you do something wrong He never condemns you? He is constantly pursuing a person who just seems to keep on running away. This was such an amazing concept to me because I know how stubborn I can be sometimes. The theme of our spring week of prayer was Relentless Pursuit. It basically focused on how God runs after us even when we are running in the opposite direction. Even when I give up on myself He won't give up on me. And when He finally catches up with me, He won't condemn me for my shortcomings and faults. He wants what is best for me. Recently I know that He has been the one who has kept me going. When everything else in my life seems to let my down, He is right there. Like my one of my favorite quote says "If God seems far, who moved?" God has not and will not forget His promises. He made them for us and that is all the more reason to cherish them. My, my , my...What a God!

So today is my first official day of spring break. And...well let's just say it's no Cancun trip. The truth is I actually feel a bit relieved to be doing absolutely nothing for spring break. I have no set schedule and I can come and go as I please. Of course it did get a bit rocky today but I will not focus on the negative. I have decided this spring break will be a good spring break no matter where I am or who I am with. Postive attitude breeds positive results.

"Catch the vision" -Jailyn ;-)

Dr. Mom, Domestic Goddess, Renissance Woman

So it's 4:39 in the morning. I was suppose to leave to go to Atlanta today but that is not happening. I want to relax a bit then I will leave. I was suppose to do my taxes with a friend and then he said he was tired, wanted to eat and go to sleep. I never want to keep people from getting there rest so I just decided to do it later.

Well I decided maybe I should go to bed too. Well I hit the bed at about 9:00 and woke up at 11:28 to do room check. Guess what, there was no room check, the girls were suppose to sign in. So I decided to go back to sleep, good right? Well my friend wanted to use my flat iron so she came in my room to use it at 1:15 and that kept me up a bit. After she finished my girls bum-rushed my room and started bothering me. They finally left me alone after about 15 minutes, by then it was 2:45. What seemed like minutes later but was really about an hour later I heard banging on my door. One of my girls was throwing up and felt really bad. Well I ended up staying up with her until about 4:15. (I am not really sleepy now but I know that it will eventually catch up with me.)

This got me to thinking...being a mom is such a huge responsiblity. Well I already knew that but this just bought it home. I mean they work, take care of children, they cook and clean...well at least my mother did (does). And she passed on some wonderful traits to me. I was glad that I could be of assistance tonight. And tonight I was geniunely concerned and really wanted her to get better; I didn't want to leave until she felt better. This is only a portion of how mothers feel when their children get sick.

Wow...Dr. Mom, Domestic Goddess, Reniassance Woman...Mom! Tell her you love and appreciate her today.

The Power of Music

I love music! I especially music from the early 90s. Music can say whatever you are trying to say in any way you are trying to say it. Music bridges the gap between everything you want to say to the things you dare not mention. A lot of times what I feel comes out through the music I am listening too. Like today it was sunny and I was happy that Spring Break is almost here. I wanted some music that had a hype beat (that made me want to get up and dance) so I turned on Kelly Price (Priceless). I also listened to the radio a bit which was playing a good selection for today (lots of old school 90s, Tevin Campbell!). The other day I was thinking really hard about something and I got in the car and turned on the radio. It was like the song was just for me. It made the rest of my day a bit smoother.

Music can calm my spirit, arouse my emotions, and say what I need to hear. So remember whatever the case may be music is powerful!

I guess I am sort of at a lost for words but I really want to be honest with myself and others; sometimes that is easier said than done.

Well first things first when they said "to each his (her) own" it is very true. I talked to a friend and when she said some things that seemed a bit negative to me about my situation I was a bit taken aback. At first I wanted to be defensive but then later I started to understand. I wanted her to make me feel better about my situation and she couldn't do that. "To each his (her) own" this statement to me means we will all make our own mistakes and decisions. No one can tell us what lesson to learn or make us the learn the lesson sooner.

Next I am tired but I won't give up the fight. I don't know what it is but I just can't give up. I have never fought for something so hard in my life. It seems like no matter how I get hurt I still manage to get up and fight. The strange thing is that it seems like everytime I get tired and really want to throw in the towel something/someone justs keeps pushing me. I have always been a firm believer in letting go but I don't why this is so different. Oh well..."to each his (her) own".

Until next time...

Bedtime Prayer

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank you so much for today, the sunshine and the cold weather. Thank you watching over me and keeping me. Thank you for my family and my friends. Lord please be with my family(Grandma, grandpa, nita, monica, carissa, aaron, aaron II, austin, shanell, gilford, melanie, sandria, sherri, jimmy, uncle james, kayla, aunt peggy, tony, silvia, buddy, alana, chameka (baby), keith, caleb, latoya, lorenzo, lauren, mariah, shaun, crush, pam, scil, desi, oliver, starr, mom, dad, cicily, tyler, phillip, cameron, aunt valerie, aunt barbara, desmond, andre, aunt renee, austin, jaren, candace, aunt tereasa, clay, lynae, aunt darlene, aunt clarnell, uncle herbon, herbon, elise, mama everett, grandma guiles) and friends (danielle, krystle, kell, mellena, michele, melanie, naya, kristyn, matt, candace, morgan, deanna, abdulla, jacquece, vancia, jen, nicki, tiffany, keisha, tisha, kathryn, chris, jason, micheal, julius, chris r., drake, lauren, laurie, tasha, alina, ericka, anthea) in a special way. Help them in their relationship with you and others. Be with those who are sick and those who lost loved ones. Give them a sense of peace and just be with them in a special way. Continue to be with all those who are dealing with many trials and tribulations. Be with me. Help me to be diligent and help me to do what is pleasing to you. Help me to be more like you. Help me to make the right decisions. Help my steadfastness and help me to be tenacious. And the things I fail to ask, fail not to grant them. And as always thank you for just taking the time to listen to me. I love you with all my heart. Amen

A rock and a hard place

Okay so I am caught between a rock and a hard place. I really want to make some decisions in my life. But I feel like right now maybe not be the time. It’s like I am no longer confused but now I am…well…I don’t know. Innocent, blissfully hopeful that someday I will understand myself. Anyway I guess what I am trying to say is that…life it confusing enough by itself. When you add everything else into it, it just gets more complicated. For some people it’s easy to walk away from a situation and not look back. For others this can tend to be a bit harder. So when do I know if I hold on or let go. When do I decide if it is worth the fight? At first I am ready to just let go because that is my first instinct, survival. I am thinking if I let go now then it will be easier to deal with in the long run, right? Well the next thing I know I get this surge of confidence and decide it is best to hold on. Perhaps I see things that others don’t see right now. And I look at others and see them as great examples (of course you will make you own example eventually out of yourself). You are ultimately your greatest example. But finally after much thought and consideration I have decided that…

PS This has nothing to do with a relationship or anything of that sort

It's 3:27 AM and I am still up, I need a vacation. It doesn't even have to be far, I just need one.

To the one(s)? I love

To the one(s)? I love,

I love you just the way you are. I accept you with all your faults and I appreciate you for accepting me with mine. I cherish you because you make me smile or laugh at loud when everything else seems to not go my way. Your name alone sends chills up and down my spine. I love you because I KNOW your mine. With you I can be myself, I never feel forced to be or do something I don't want too. You make me feel comfortable (a thing not most people can do). You laugh at my jokes. Your smile is contagious. Your touch is invigorating. Your intelligence is stimulating. Even the times you make me so mad I could scream (and believe me I do) I still want to be around you. You read my like a book not judging me for my cover alone. You know so much yet there is so much more to uncover. I love you just because you're YOU (and that is the best you can be)!

Happy Valentine's Day

"Looks like clear skies..."

So the sun has shined three days in a row. Those days might have not been the best days but they were a bit better because of the sun. Monday it rained. It reminded me of that song that says, "rainy days and Mondays always get me down." I am no meterologist but it just amazes me how much the weather can have an influence you and your mood. I love the sun shine it just brightens up my day.
Lately I have started a routine of walking/jogging every night. Well last tonight I just did that. But something was different, my friend even said that she didn't think it was safe to walk at night but I disagreed and journeyed on. Well I put on my MP3 player just like always, on my way down a dark hill I saw someone dressed in all black (with a cape and everything) appear a couple yards away. Needless to say I was a bit frightened but I just said a quick prayer a hurried along. Even though that happened I was still able to finish my nightly routine. It just made me realize, I am not invincible (no matter how much I think I am). But honestly I am just glad to be alive.
This year is the year of renewnal and I want to do just that. I want to renew my spirit and try to be as positive as I can. Life is not exactly like I want it but it could be worse, so I am thankful. Thankful for safety, rain, and sun shine. :-D

So...

I’m Ready By Tevin Campbell or Ain’t Gonna Beg By Fantasia

I Finally Know By Boyz II Men (my favorite) or Halfcrazy By Musiq

"On the Real"

Okay well I have not written in a while. Why? Because I just don't know what is going on in my mind (or life) right. I mean it's nothing negative or positive I guess it's just life, it happens that way sometimes. Right now I am feeling very nonchalant about school, people and just life in general. I don't know what I am feeling, I just kinda feel numb right now. I feel like crying or shouting or showing some kind of emotion but I just can't. It's like I have been temporarily turned into something like a robot (non-feeling). Oh well...this too shall pass.

Why do we make things so hard for ourselves? I know exactly what I want (or at least I thought I did). Even though I am not completely sure now I still wouldn't mind giving "it" a chance. I mean what do I have to lose? Nothing. Because I feel as though I have already lost by not trying. I have realized that I must write my own story. The only thing I fear is once this trimuph feeling is gone, the one that lead me to be so honest with myself, despair will set in. And like the Arthea Franklin song says "It Hurts Like Hell."

Now that I am writing this blog I can feel the emotion taking over. Okay so here's the deal I always set myself to think the worst so when it comes I am not as surprised. I know we should live each day like it's our last so we have no regrets (yada yada). Okay but right now I don't feel that way. I feel like demanding answers and making people listen. To put it in a netshell I feel helpless and that is the worst feeling in the world.

I know this sounds really depressing but I don't I mean for it to come out that way. I will be fine I think it's just the school's back in session blues. I don't like to write angry blogs or emotional blogs but sometimes it's good to vent so their it is. "Expression: Letting it all out" -Jailyn :-D