Reality Check

This week (from Sunday to Tuesday) I have witnessed several people who need a reality check. Not your typical reality check. The reality check that "you're not the only person in the world, whose opinions matter or who has the last say in what goes on."
The reality is that they are surrounded by people who have the same ability to do exactly what they do and perhaps at times can do it better. Of course, I know the saying if you want stuff done than do it yourself but there is a time a place. These fundmentals lessons learned at the earliest stages of life are the foundation of how relationships are bulit and maintained. If you ask me I will tell you, "everything you learned in kindergarten is essential for marriage and relationships."
You see the fact of the matter is until you truly realize and accept the fact that you are not alone you will never be able to learn to let others help you. So they do it a different way...it's done, right? So they think or act ( or even re-act) differently...so do you. This world is full of people, other than you, who have learned to work together instead of create confusion in an already confused world.

What can I give?

So I haven't written in forever, why? I guess you could say that I've been busy. No really I have. I usually write when there's something heavy on my heart (and I believe this is as good a time as any). Recently I have just been feeling kind anxious about the future (among other things). Don't get me wrong there not life threatening things but... the one person I really care to share it with doesn't seem to have the time to talk to me about it. Just now sitting here writing about makes me feel a lot better. I'm trying not to be selfish (I've realized it's something I have to work on) but...I guess there is no excuse. Anyway been using some time to really think some things through. I realized what is truly important to me...caring for and helping the peopel I truly love and cherish. I know it sounds cheesy but it makes a difference.
I want vow this day to never put work or anything else before the people I love. There are times when people just want you there to listen to them, you don't have to solve their problems. They just want your attention. No one wants to be second rate your work, extracurricular activity, date, etc. People you love who want your attention usually deserve you attention (your undivided attention and perhaps at times some understanding). And your should be more than willing to abilige them, afterall what are they the most important people in your life?
Like I said I'm working on being selfish. I want to give double of what I take. Those around me, give me so much. Of course I will never be able to pay them for everything there worth but I can try with my time. These are the people I find security in, the ones I can try count on. So shouldn't they be able to find the same thing in me?
I listened to a friend the other day and even though I felt like I was as much help as the pillow sitting beside me on my bed, I was happy she felt she could confide in me. Her friendship means a lot to me and the least (very least) I could do is listen.
Ok so now that I have gotten that off my chest, I guess I'll leave you with this thought: Want to be the perfect [friend, parent, girlfriend, boyfriend, next door neighbor, uncle, aunt, cousin]? Listen, give your time, its the one thing that doesn't cost but will reap endless rewards. You'll be surprised at the difference it will make, in your life and theirs'.

I'm finished!

I finally finished with my internship. I finished last Friday and it was kind of sad leaving. I mean I wanted to get home but I also enjoyed most of the people I had the opportunity to work with. This summer was crazy...the people...the places...the people...the scenery...did I mention the people? It was truly an experience...not good or bad. It was just that...an experience. An experience that taught me a number of things that I was always remember. I also learned some important life lessons.

Life Lesson #1:
The bare essentials will never let you down

Life Lesson #2:
Where there's a will there's a way

Life Lesson #3:
If attitude determines alitude and action speaks louder than words...then I am headed for the moon and I'm making moves and strides all the way there

Life Lesson #4:
Good things come to those who wait...patiently and prayfully

And so many more. What can I say about this summer? "All [good or bad] things must come to an end."

The Love of My Life

(I took this picture of him)

This is the love of my life. My whole world has revolved around him since the day that I met

him. He is the greatest thing that has happen to me. I have waited with bated breathe

for him to feel the same way I feel about him. Every morning he is the first thing on my mind

and the last thing when I go to bed. My dreams center around him. He is the

protype. Sometimes I ask myself, "Where would I be without him? or "How did I make it

without him in my life?" I owe all my inspiration to him. Whenever he is not near me I feel as

though I am not complete. Every story, song, or poem reminds me of him. I would for cross the

ocean for him. I would go and bring him the moon. I just want to thank him in advance!

*This is not a joke

"Awkward" times

So for the first time in my life I am discovering the unknown. I am truly ready and willing to through caution to the wind and put everything "comfortable" out on the line. Fearful of exactly what might happen I wasn't giving my all... but today I realized after what seemed like eternity is timing is everything and everything happens for a reason.

I thought once I got what I had prayed for things would just fall into place. And that plan quickly was proved false. It's the "awkward" moments in life that make you cherish the initial moments, that were truly well spent. You have to work at it "like a crack addict" (thanks Bow Wow) the harder you work the greater the rewards.

It dawned on me nothing beats a failure but a try.... Trite saying but it makes sense. If you try one way try it another way then another way (and another). I am truly starting to believe life is what you make of it. You are the greatest decider of your fate.

"Make wise choices and decisions" -Jynean Palmer Reid

The reality of what is...

...the ring is off... :)

A lesson learned the hard way...is a lesson learned

Since I have been out here in what I call my "wilderness experience" my mind has started to wonder. I have realized some things that I probably would have not seen if I have been well...comfortable.

You think that you are satisfied with all that you have until you find something else you want. The best things that happen in your life happen when you are not paying attention. The most important thing I can get anything out of the trials and tribulations of life are the lessons. While I was busy living...life has been going on...and I have gotten wiser. Crying doesn't make the problem go away but it sure makes you feel better and releases some tension inside. Silence is golden. And when silence is just not enough you can say always say it with music. If you love someone eventually they will find out (you determine how soon or how late they found out). If you close your eyes and let your mind wonder...you can dream up anything. Pretty soon you will have to follow your own advice. Trying to avoid the inevitable is more trouble then you probably have time for ("to thine own self be...honest"). Forgiveness is key. The Lord gives you ways out...take yours today. If strangers can see it...then there is not much more proof you need. There is always a reason that people are placed in you life...it's at the rarest times you find out why.

What lessons have you learned the hard way?

Lots of Love

I miss you all so much. :'(

But I send lots of love. =)

Black and White...and shades of grey

Everything is not black and white.
They are large areas of grey.
Beware of the grey areas!!!

Unfinished Blogs

So you have an idea expect you don't know how to express exactly what you want to say. Well these are a few blogs that I started and just never finished. I thought I should mash them together make them one big blog of unfinished thoughts. Feel free to finish them yourself.

Passion...
What exactly is it? It’s your obsession. Do you have a passion for...fashion? Could it be fashion or cooking? It’s what makes you smile, it’s what you love. You don't have to be the best at your passion or know the most about it. It might even be something that just recently learned you love. It's important to you. Yous always willing to learn more about it. You don't care what else it keeps you from...you want it.

Right now I have a passion for life. I want to live it to the fullest. I never thought of myself as spontaneous but it seems now I want to do more and more. I want to make sure that I have not...

Self Renewal
Every year I pick a theme for that particular year. Well this year the theme is renewal. When I first thought of the word I wasn’t exactly sure why I picked it but now I think I know why. Self renewal is important… I feel like there is no time like the present to renew yourself. How? By looking on the inside. So many times we are quick to blame others for our shortcomings. I have learned that if I don’t define who I am for myself then others will do it for me. But if I have to...

Who’s to blame?
Okay let’s play the blame game. It is your fault because it can’t be my fault maybe it’s her fault or his fault. Why is it we find it so hard to admit our downfalls and shortcomings? Why is it so hard to face up to the fact that it just might be your fault?

Taking a stand…or leaving it to chance
What do you do when you have done all you can? How can you make a difference in a situation when you feel insignificant? There are times in life when you MUST take a stand. You take a stand or else you leave everything to chance. By saying nothing you have said everything. Ignoring something, thinking that it will go away does not get rid of the problems; problems need to be faced head on. So what is best way to take a stand?

Guess what my fortune cookie said today?
Investigate new possbilities with friends. Now is the time!
[Hint, hint (nudge, nudge)]
So friends let the new possibilities roll... ;-D

Where is Jailyn now...Dothan, AL.

Okay well I was going to do a tribute to my favorite group of all time but I need more time. So you have to settle for my babble.

Let's see saturday night we went to go see The Breakup with Jennifer Anniston and Vince Vaughn (which I think is like the white version of Two can Play that Game). Basically it is the art of game-playing which men and women play daily with each other in and out of realtionships. I thought it was funny which was a good thing. The ending is unpredictable but very ironic.

Well today I was feeling kinda of sick so I didn't really want to get out bed but I forced myself up and out after midafternoon. Anyway we went back to pensacola beach to hang out. We went bungee trampoline jumping (guess I can cross that off "my list" of things to do). Then we did a little shopping. Played a little air hockey (I won't tell you who won). So it was actually a nice end to our time in Pensacola.

Next stop Panama City, FL. See you there.

Change is Good

Change is good. I went to the beauty shop today and resisted the urge to cut my hair (just kidding). Anyway I love beauty shop banter. It's so funny, we are a funny race. Anyway I just wanted to do something different so there it is. Well I went there with a picture (I wanted more blond but I will get it before the school year) and the beautican did her own thing but whatever it's okay. I didn't ask for a miracle which is what some people do... So new things, I guess we'll se what comes next.

I'm smiling...

and I must say, it feels good =D! I hope this smile is contagious.

What a difference a day makes

What a difference a day makes... Ever wondered what would have happened if you said that differently or if you had done that differently? The slightest adjustment could have made a world of difference. Ever wanted to get a "do over"? Perhaps you wanted to make a better first impression...or maybe you just wanted to change the outfit you wore. A day, 24 hours, 1440 mins can make a world of difference. Doesn't seem like a long time does it? Well consider this... the child that was just born, the couple that just got engaged, or the person who just recieved the organ off the donor list. To all of them one day made a huge difference. Ask them if they would have changed anything about that day. What changes an ordinary day to an extraordinary day? Is it in what you say or how you act? Could it be the way you dress or the hairstyle you wear? I don't know, could be. Whatever the case maybe know this a day makes a big difference. Ask the person who just realized they fell in love or the person who won the lottery...what difference a day makes.


So what difference does a day make? A HUGE one. Make today an EXTRAordinary day! ;-)

Committment

While watching Cake for the second time I realized that while no one wants to be alone we are all a bit fearful of committment. Of course some of us are not necessarily ready for marriage right now. That is fine but is our fear of the unknown what scares us the most? Perhaps. But can the one thing that our heart uses as a defense hinder us from what we truly want? Being too cautious is almost as dangerous as being to open. On my path to self discovery (which is more like finding the exact path the Lord wants me to be on) I have realized when I stand up to the things I fear the most that when the sense of accomplishment is the strongest. I never thought of myself as scared of marriage but we learn new things everyday. I am not scared of marriage or anything but while watching the movie I have realized there are some issues that I need to overcome. I am ready to love...but am I ready to be loved?

PS So I made a list of things I wanted to accomplish during the summer. Well one thing was to write a play so I have started. The play is called Hopelessly Devoted: then act like it. It's coming along pretty good so far.

PPS I'm in Pensacola, Flordia (I get to go to the beach tommorrow, hopefully)

Random Acts of Kindness

So we were in Jackson, MS for about a week. On thursday we met with a pastor (Pastor Yelorda, he just graudated from Andrews Seminary in December, Alumni of Oakwood College) to get the books for his church. This meant that I didn't have to drive all the way to Brokhaven the next day about an hour and a half drive. Okay well he also informed us that he would performing a wedding in Texas on sunday and that he could also drop off the books for his other church with us on saturday night on his way to Texas. Not only would he drop them off he was going to pick them up Monday. What a blessing! Okay so he comes by the hotel on Saturday night and drops the things off. This saved me almost 5 hours of driving (so you can see how grateful I was). Well he steps in the hotel to talk to us (about our plans for Memorial day) for about a minute and a half.

You'll never guess what happens next...

his car gets stolen.

Right right in front us (basically). Well the another pastor from Yazoo City (Pastor Johnson and hiis wife, Melissa: also Alumni of Oakwood College) come and get Pastor Yelorda. So they take him back to their house to stay with them. After that they let him use their car to go home and drive until he gets another one. What wonderful friends! The blessing is that God saw this before it was going to happen. He also saw what could have happened if the pastor had driven that night. He always has your best interest at hand. We may not always see the good but it's coming.

Well even after all this they (Pastor (Seth) Yelorda, Pastor (Juleun) Johnson, and his wife Melissa) all agree to meet us on Monday to do something for Memorial day with us. So we all (my partner, Laketia, and the other group Jen and Candace, and me of course) go out for Memorial day. This weekend might not have been all I wanted it to be but it was what it was for a reason.

Random Acts of Kindness you never know who they might affect.

The worst kind of love

I am just a little birdie sent to whisper in your ear
To tell you some things you might not want to hear
You’re losing a love that is meant just for you
Act quick or else what you once knew to be true
…will be through

In a world that is so consumed with the idea of love comes the next best thing…lust. Of course the good thing about lust is that eventually it will go away especially when all the excitement is gone. With lust comes excitement and without excitement there is no lust. Lust is unreal and untouchable; love is knowing the hardcore truth and still choosing to stay.

But the worst of love is unrequited love. Unrequited love…a love that is but can not be. You love…but that is it. Is your love in vain? Who’s to say? Unrequited love requires patience and much finesse especially if you want it to become more. This kind of love pays attention to detail when normally you could care less about it. This love is persistent; it hangs on the whims of possibilities.

You see you thing is very rarely do you find someone who will put up with your crap (and believe me, it’s crap). Someone who cares about what you do for a living or what you want to do for a living. It is rare to find someone who knows how to make you the perfect salad (olives (-/+), tomatoes (-/+), salad dressing (-/+)).

Fear of commitment holds some back but some use it as a crutch, making up excuses or playing games. The one thing that messes people is thinking that they will miss out on “the next best thing.” Waiting on the next best thing makes you miss out on the “the greatest thing.”

Don’t miss out, this could be your last chance. Because if you won’t... someone else will!

Smooches. ;-D

Where's Jailyn?

Okay kids get your map.

I'm in Jackson, Mississippi on my way to Hattiesburg, Mississippi.

See ya' soon

Time for Regret

In 1998 we moved from chicago to atlanta for my dad to take the position as treasurer at the South Atlantic Conference. Well yesterday evening the "conference officials" decided to give his position to someone else. At that moment when I heard that a wave of regret flushed over me. How could they do this to him? to us? to me? We left so much when we left Chicago, we left family (which included 2 fosters children) and friends. We sacrificed to go to atlanta. My mom had to sell her dental practice, which took her 5 years to sell. She traveled back and forth by plane and car for 5 years just because of this job. I was uprooted during the peak of my teenage years (I know I need it to sound dramatic!). For about a year I struggled with a lot of issues. Issues I thought could have been avoided if I had stayed in Chicago.

But...

Where would I be now if my dad hadn't taken the position? I don't know. What I do know is this when God is leading there is no time for regret. Many of us (inlcuding me) want the God's destination for our lives but we don't want to follow His plans to get there. This is perhaps why we sometimes fall by the wayside and have to cry out in despair for His help. It's God's destination He knows the best way there and He knows the pitfalls before and has already set provisions for you to make it through. You got to trust Him ( I am talking to myself too). Now even if you do decide to venture off on your own God's got a backup plan can still lead you to your destination. Of course the course might change and the road travelled might be different but if He is leading everything will be fine. My God is a god of plans (and backup plans and backup plans and even more backup plans).

Anyway I am not sure now what daddy is going to do perhaps pastor a church (even though I think he should find a job in the world to use his MBA and make six figures but remember kids money isn't everything). We might have to move...again. I don't know. I just prayed that our steps are ordered.

And if besides if I hadn't moved I might not have ever met such wonderful people...Melanie, Michele, Krystle, Javario, Matt and the list goes on. I wouldn't have been as outgoing as I today (moving does that to you...it forces you to get out there; It's do or die). I learned so much and I grew so much during the move. I definitely wouldn't be the person I am today. So...I guess there isn't really a time for regret when you are working within God's plans. ;-D

Living life LOUD and in COLOR

Proverbs 27:5 "An open rebuke is better than hidden love!"

Make your life STAND out!

You Shouldn't Have to Say Goodbye

I read a book in 6th grade called You Shouldn't Have to Say Goodbye and I must agree you shouldn't but the fact is that you do. When I left Huntsville at the beginning of this month I really didn't want to. I felt like I was leaving at the wrong time. I left my friends, my new nephew and a host of other "things" that I felt were important to me there (and Kell is coming back and I wanted to see her). Okay so here's the thing, God knows what is coming before I do. He can see the future and so therefore He knows where I need to be in order to make sure that I have the best. Although you shouldn't have to say goodbye sometimes it is best that you do. Goodbye isn't always permanant, when you put a period of something that does mean the story has ended or that it is over. A period starts a new sentence which can be a continuation of the last sentence or a whole new thought. It is all in the way you look at it. So God sees this summer internship as a learning experience (and guess what, I'm learning already). He has things in store for me this summer and He has placed me exactly where I need to be "for such a time as this." So I'm just going to go ahead and let God has control of all my "situations." This doesn't mean I won't get sad and depressed because I will. This just means with every period comes a continuation or something totally new. Let the story began...

Plus...you know what they (I don't know who 'they' are but when I find out...) say "Absence makes the heart grow fonder"...I guess we'll see.

I love you all you guys no matter where I am.

PS Right now I'm in Columbus, MS (Deep country and I'm going deeper!)

After watching Half and Half, One on One, All of Us, Grey's Anatomy and just too much television altogether.

I truly say...


Love is a B&*$#!

Living in the Moment

I just realized tonight that too often I overanalyze things in my head. Things that are not that complicated I complicate. Too often I miss "the moment." I mean what's life without it's moments? So "the moment" has brought me here to this place at this time...enjoy. Casting all fear and doubt aside I rest in "the moment" Because who knows when it will come again?

"I'm living/ I'm able/ I'm breathing/ I'm grateful/ I'm gonna put on a happy face."

Love ya' (each and every ONE of y'all!)

Summer is here!

So today was my first day of training for my summer internship. I was a bit apprehensive at first about what exactly to expect but so far so good (of course this is only the first day). Anyway the hotel is great, the people are helpful, and my partner is nice. Summer is here and I'm finally ready.

Recent Confessions:

I was a bit apprehensive to leave Huntsville, I was strongly resisting change. But now I am learning to accept it.
I have realized I am opening up, I share more (more feelings and emotions). I may not be able to express to my FULL content but it's a start.
I am accepting life as it comes (and believe me it is coming).
I trying to be excited about the summer but...I am excited about the summer (attitude determines alitude).
The ideal is not always the real deal. (The ideal is not always the true reality. If I can stop living in my dream world long enough to see the reality of what is I might see what is right in front of me).

"God's ideal is my real(ity)" and "a word to the wise is sufficient"

This is my final answer:

I'm ready.


PS My creative writing non-fiction piece is finished (It's Fierce!): Twisted Bliss: A Love Restored

Let it Flow...Let it Go

The semester is FINALLY over!!! I am so excited. Anyway I finished all my finals on Monday and I took today to relax by going to the movies. I saw Akeelah and The Bee and Phat Girlz (this movie is not for everyone). Anyway I enjoyed myself.

So this semester in a nutshell has been crazy and very unpreditable. I think I liked it. Many trying times but they all taught me something different and I appreciate them for that. Hoping for all A's (I don't know if I really deserve them in all my classes).

I believe the summer holds big things! Last year around this time I was a bit apprehensive about my summer and it brought so many things. That has gotten me excited about this summer. This is my (our) year (that includes the summer) so I'm (we should) definitely ready. I have learned to let the things I can control flow ;-D and the things I can not control go {-_-}. Let's Go!!!

Positive People

So right now everyone is feeling the crunch of only 10 more days of school left. Attitudes are high and tension is slowing building. I am starting to realize the way I deal with stress is different than how most people deal with it. I have realized that trials and tribulations come and go but don't let them overtake you. Anything and everything will stress you out if you let it. A lot people tend to hold on to their problems and feed into them until the problem starts to grow and become bigger than it was orignially. Why not leave it in the hands of the Lord (*hint*hint*)? School will still be here and so will life. Life is too short to worry so much. And you made it too far in school to not make it now.

Perhaps this is a personal problem but right now I just feel like I don't have a lot of positive people in my life. A lot of people I hang around are beginning to (I'll just leave it blank) me. I mean they are constantly dwelling on their problems. How do you rise above if you are constantly wallowing in self-pity? "Woe is me" seems to be the theme is the day. You're living, you're in school, you're passing all your classes (and you will pass all your classes, CLAIM IT!). I realize people need encouragement but I can only help those who want to be helped. If you are fine just the way you are then I can't help you. Remember your attitude not only affects you but the people around you.You could have been someone's smile for the day but you were so busy worrying about things that usually not in your control (Just do your best and God will do the rest).

"Attitude determines altitude" You are what you think you are. ;-D

Birthdays and Gifts

So I want to first thank everyone who made my birthday great!

Next I want to say thank you to my understanding friends. When you have friends who just get you it makes life a bit easier to a handle.

Prize for person (s) to vent to: Melanie Monette, Antonaya Kelly, Lianna Wimberley

Also the top prize for the night for a gift goes to: Jacquece Moss

Prize for best "future omen" (I am claiming it girl!): Krystle Alleyne

Person (s) who remembered when I thought they would forget: Lolita Langford, Princess Jones, Michael Lumbard, Desmond and Andre Lymon (my cousins)

SURPRISE phone call from foreign country: Raquel Everett

Person who made it most memorable (God spared me!): Matthew Nicholson

Surprise dinner guest: Brandon Howard

Time spent with friends: PRICELESS

Anyway I had fun tonight despite everything (and yes I did cry). At first I must admit it was going okay, then it got bad, then worst and then GREAT! I realized that everything is what you make it. I went to the mall, then to Fridays, and then to the Jazz Factory (and the park). Most importantly I looked cute, so I couldn't let that all go to waste.

So I'm 21, old enought to drink, enter any contest I want to, and get that little under 21 bar taken from off my license. What next? I don't know but I sure looking forward to doing it at 21. ;-D

Birthday Wishes

So people have been asking me this week what I want for my birthday. Well the truth is I don't know. I have been so blessed this year and most of things I want are either intangible (some "group" or "someone") or very expensive so I have to get them myself (laptop and camcorder). I would really like to spend time with some of my friends (I was not kidding when I said that the other day). Of course I like shoes too and I would love to go shoe shopping. A nice dinner with Daquriri's included (dessert FIRST!). And for some reason I don't know why I want a dozen roses (this is a first I hate flowers because they just die). Oh and if anyone out there could get in touch with Boyz II Men (I love them) I would like them for my birthday too. Anyway I just want a wonderful birthday and my true wish will come true. I just don't know I am turning 21 what do you ask for? I have all that I truly need (of course I can always think of things that I want). But beside that God has been good and He has seen fit for me to hit another birthday and that is a granted wish all in itself.

Birthdays are the keys to life. -Jailyn ;-D

Public Announcement

So for the first time in my life I read my poems out loud in a public setting. My creative writing class had to do a poetry reading in Blake Center as part of our final. One of my poems I read in class because it was an assignment. The other one was just a random poem written by me for... Anyway hope you enjoy (if not oh...well).

The first poem was a free verse. "Let the chips fall where they may."

THOUGHTS
Silence…
Alone with my thoughts
Back and forth they go,
Fighting for a bit of attention
And finally they stop
….On you
Your smile, your style
You’re just being…you.
Always thought you were
The one for me
Always thought we would be
But…
Interrupted by another thought
Remember the time you…
Or do you remember…
Caught off guard again
By the thoughts of…me and you
Together…Apart…
Wait…here comes another one
Thoughts haunt me…in the silence
They torture me, repeatedly
As I close my eyes the thoughts
Become subdued…once again
It is silent…
And here I am alone with my thoughts.


The second poem was a cinquain.

Wishing…
Love lost:
looking like new,
dressed up but feeling blue.
Wishing for a love that once was
(lovesick)?


Anyway I just wanted to share this moment in time with everyone. Nite. Nite. :-D

Never Say Never

There are certain things in life that I am almost sure about. I will never be able to relive any years gone by or decide the sex of my child (I couldn't think of anything else for right now). These are things I am defintely sure about, of course when it comes to other things I am not as clear. There are things that I know are things that I am not likely to do but that doesn't mean I will never do them. Well to make a long blog short, recently I have realized my words have come back to haunt me. There are things I said I would never do that I am now doing. Why? Because I have changed and grown into a person that is a distant memory of my former self. I can constantly see myself improving. From junior year in high school to junior year in college. The change is definitely noticeable. I want others to see the change because it is for the better. I am slowly starting to eat the words (for lack of a better term) I once said. When you are allowing God to come in and work on you then you can never say never because it is not in God's vocabulary.

Well anyway I am tired and I will write lateer, peace. ;-)

Eyes Wide Shut

Never judge a book by its cover.

And always look deeper, things aren't always what they seem to be.

Have a WONDERFUL night.

It's a Boy!

It's a boy! 7lbs and 6oz, 20in. He has a had full of hair. He is so calm (so unlike his mother). Anyway new life, it's like a breathe of fresh air (BREATHE!).

What did I sign up for?

It's amazing that you never know exactly what your signing up for when you get a job. I mean you can always get the general description of what to expect but you never know until you start what the job exactly entails. You start and them , WHAM! they lay it on you. I guess I never knew what to expect when I became an RA. Well, I have certainly gotten my share of it. I have become a bodyguard, referee, counselor (this one I don't mind), personal secreatary and the list goes on. I don't know how much more of this I can take. I am trying to juggle school and this RA thing, it's just not cutting it. But thank God for the twins or else I would have pulled my hair out. What can I say, my cup is full (it's running over).

Anyway I won't be stressed because summer is almost here and then I'll have new headaches to work out. Just keep on keeping on.

We're almost there plus this is our year so beware good things are ahead. Keep smiling, it contagious! :-D

Forgiveness and Forgetfulness

Why is it so hard for us to forgive? Why is it even harder for us to forget? I have had to learn the hard way about forgiveness and forgetfulness. I can sometimes forgive but it is hard to forget. Why? Because we don't want the same thing to happen twice or because we have truly yet to forgive. We say that we are fine with what has happened but we keep bringing it up or we base our dealings on that certain situation. When you truly forgive you will be able to really move one. Now granted you most likely will never forget but you will certainly be able to get over it and on with it. Life is too short to hold on to grudges or petty things that you can't even remember the next day. You basically harvest all these emotions inside and they are just there being bottled up. The person is usually not worried about anything. So in short your stressed and their not. Although I have yet to fully master this technique I am working on it.

Forgive/Forget! Whatever the case maybe free your soul and mind from the stress you harbor of worrying about something that only happened to teach you a lesson. Live, learn, and forgive.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SPUDNIK (aka Matthew)! Hope its filled with joy and cheer! I am such a Hallmark card. ;-)

"Bridling your...mind"

Guarding the avenues of your mind is very important. I don’t know how many of you remember the song, “oh be careful little eyes what you see…oh be careful little ears what you hear…” Anyway this song comes to mind after thinking about a conversation I had earlier in the library. While I was outside of class taking a breather I ran into this guy (we’re more than associates maybe less than friends). Well I started talking to him about different things and we got on the subject of listening to what other say (gossip). He was basically saying that he will listen to gossip but it stops at him because he doesn’t tell anyone else. Does that mean you don’t gossip?

What constitutes gossip? Is it only gossip when it is not true?

In my opinion gossip is anything that has nothing to do with you and it not of vital importance to you. If it is not about you then just leave it alone. Well in trying to convince him that he can always walk away from the conversation, I realized I am just as guilty. I will listen to things being said about people and do nothing. If you think by just listening no harm is done consider this: “By beholding you become changed.” You don’t have to even engage in the conversation to be changed. I guess it goes back to the old saying, “you are what you eat.” You are what you say to or what listen too.

Knowledge is power, and we could all use some power. {*L*}

Grow, GROWing, GROWTH

I never thought I would be this grown. I mean sometimes I say things or do things that remind me that I am growing up. It is sometimes looking from the outside in. When you are young you think the transformation into adulthood is a fast and rapid transition. But then you grow up and realize it isn't. You make mistakes and learn lessons, then you grow. You are constantly growing. I have realized while I was off trying to perfect the "game" of life I was growing. I have began to accept the things I can't change and well, change the things that I can. I will never reach perfection and frankly I am not trying too. I do know for a fact that I am beginning to see the change and I like it. I am not always fully honest with myself but I am learning to be. I am slowly learning to live life without regrets. Life is hard enough by itself and being able to focus on the present. My growth is not complete but I do know that it is happening. As scary as it is I want it to continue. Take a moment and think about what you learned today alone. I am sure that you might surprise yourself. Take a moment and reflect on what major events have taken place in the past year or the will happen. You have taken some small steps and made some major strides. You live, learn, and then...

"Life happens while your busy making plans" -John Lennon :-)

Dreams do Come True...

My dream on Monday kind of came true. It is not completely fulfilled but...I'm hopeful.

Sweet Dreams

I was listening to Kelly Rowland today and there is a song on her album that I love. But not until today have I understood the words so clearly. It was almost like I was telling her what to say. Anyway it made me realize that it is time for me to get off my high horse and tell the truth. Boy...that was hard.

I had a dream that just warmed my heart. I would give a lot to make it come true but here is the thing about certain dreams. They are usually the deep longings in your heart (except for the weird ones, that come after you eat to late). In your sleep you have no control over the thoughts your mind produces. So basically these are almost just random thoughts that come together at one time in your head. Anyway my dream helped me realize that there is more to everything that meets the eye. So in my dream I was on a bench and a friend stopped by to drop off a gift for me. I looked inside the gift and it was ...well that is not important. I said all this to say...you are what you think. So...sweet dreams!

(Oh yeah you know what else makes my dreams great, I usually dream in COLOR) ;-)

ONLY THOUGHTS OF LOVE

I rarely say, "I love you."
But, if I did…
IF I were the type
Inclined to such emotional eruptions
And vocal expression. . .
What would I say to you?
I would probably say
It’s been a long time since I’ve been in love
Or since I even thought I loved.
So long, in fact,
I’m not sure I know what love is, anymore--
Or if I ever really knew.
But, if I even thought I loved someone,
I think it would be you.

--NancySue Krenrich Hamm

What would we do without love? or the people who loved us...despite (whatever)? =)

All I want is...

Okay good news first I registered for my first semester of SENIOR year today!

So what do I want? I want what God wants for me. I can pick and chose all I want but He knows what is best. I have come to the realization that if I want the best I have to wait on Him. I have to let go of all my options and all other reservations and allow Him to come in and take control. It gets scary because you don't want Him to mess up your plan and then you realize...it's NOT about you. Okay so here is some insight into my next short story for all my readers. Once upon a time I had a friend, a really good friend, who I knew God had brought into my life. Why? because I asked Him for this friend. Well in an attempt to hold on to that friend I started to lose my relationship with the Lord. He brought me up and He broke me down. Unbeknownst to me that friend would return but not before I learned my lesson. I guess when God tells you He wants to be first in your life He means it. He is not going to force you but He will give you a the push you need. God is alpha and omega, beginning and end. He was there when it first began and He'll be there after it ends. So this is kind of the jest of my third short story (of course it has more twists and turns), it is called A Shadow of a Woman. If you haven't read the first and second stories you need to get on the ball.

Wow I can't believe this is me talking, I am really "growing" up. Oh by the way I would like to take the time to thank all the people who have made me accept certain things in life that I need to change or keep the same. I know I get angry sometimes when you tell me but that is what I need to hear and it is what true friends are for. Love you guys from the bottom of my heart (and I really mean it!). ;-D

So much to say...

yet not enough words. "Words just can't express, what I feel inside my chest."

Can I Breathe?

It seems like to me since the beginning of this semester everytime I turn around it's something new. Here we are again in that old familiar place, back to square one. Everytime I release one demon another one comes along. I have to be honest with you today I was really ready to move off campus and just finish the semester in my own apartment. The emotional stress of this semester has just taken its toll on me. Well tonight I went to a "Sisters in the Spirit" meeting and what a difference it made in my life. "Sisters in the Spirit" is a group of girls from TX, FL, MD, and now GA since Krystle and I were there. We came together just to have testimonies and prayer. There is so much going on around us that we don't even realize. I have a lot of things to complain about but I have a lot more to be thankful for. We focus so much on our own problems that we become numb to the fact that others are hurting around us. As I sat and listened to those girls talk and cry my problems began to diminish in importance. I am not saying that they are not problems and they haven't strained me but I have so much to be thankful for. I mean despite everything God has sustained me and I have no doubt in my mind that He will continue to do just that if I am faithful. He has brought me too far for me to turn back now.

Sexy Ambitious Ladies Succeeding Always (S.A.L.S.A)

Flowers in the Valley

Rainy days and Mondays always get me down...good thing it's Wednesday and sunny outside.

Showers of Blessings:
I got to wash and vacuum my car today in the beatutiful sunshine. A friend of mine wrote me the nicest e-mail today, it made me night (thanks, Spudnik!). I got like 3/5 on a quiz but I was happy because it was partially right and I thought I didn't know any of it. That is the greatest to think you failed and learn that you didn't. My last class of the day was canceled (well sort of, we all just walked out after 15 minutes). Today was one of those "flowers in the valley" days. Hey guys, Krystle, Kell, Melanie, Matt, Javario, and who ever else reads this. :-D

What I did today

Today I:

- understood something in Finance (and I can do it over by myself)
- drove just to listen to the music
- made plans for the future
- outsmarted authority
- wrote Thank You notes (they were long overdue)
- enjoyed the sunshine
- I moved ahead on an assignment

I conquered today and I feel like that in itself is a great accomplishment. I made a vow to myself a long time ago to make every minute in the day count and for the past few weeks I haven't been feeling like I was doing that. I felt like I was letting myself down so I decided to do an experiment and so far so good. When the minutes in the day count, everything else just seems to flow. Make the most of your next minute, hour, day, month, year, etc. ;-)

Day 5, 6, and 7

Day 5
-Lunch with friends at California Pizza
-Concert at Faith something church (it was pretty good, funny too!)
-Good food, good conversation, good friends

Day 6
-Made it to Sabbath school (by myself)
-Heard a wondeful sermon (great job, Pastor Winston!)
-Dinner with friends and family
-Night out on the town with the girls

Day 7
-Help with sister's birthday tea party
-Drive back to Huntsville with friends

Ten cheers for Spring Break. Postive thoughts bring about positive change. I had a blast this spring break because I wanted to. The Lord blessed and that was that.

Day 3 and Day 4

Day 3

-Rock City, the views were beautiful if you have a chance go visit a natural reserve or something like that
-Warehouse Row, an outlet center (I love to shop, I am gonna dedicate a blog to shopping one day). It wasn't that big but I bought 2 Coach purses and some shirts from Tommy Hilfiger. All in all a day not wasted.
-Movie (at home, it's been a long time since I did that)

Day 4
-Spa, a full body deep tissue message (Need I say more)
-brief trip to the mall (bought nothing!)
-Barnes and Noble (I could spend hours in there and lots of money too)

Three cheers for Spring Break so far!

Candace, Danielle, and Krystle are on their way here. Oh Jacquece is already here. Boy-O-Boy, what will we get in to?

Day 2

Relax. Relate. Release.

Relentless Pursuit

Have you ever noticed how the Lord never gives up on you? Or how when you do something wrong He never condemns you? He is constantly pursuing a person who just seems to keep on running away. This was such an amazing concept to me because I know how stubborn I can be sometimes. The theme of our spring week of prayer was Relentless Pursuit. It basically focused on how God runs after us even when we are running in the opposite direction. Even when I give up on myself He won't give up on me. And when He finally catches up with me, He won't condemn me for my shortcomings and faults. He wants what is best for me. Recently I know that He has been the one who has kept me going. When everything else in my life seems to let my down, He is right there. Like my one of my favorite quote says "If God seems far, who moved?" God has not and will not forget His promises. He made them for us and that is all the more reason to cherish them. My, my , my...What a God!

So today is my first official day of spring break. And...well let's just say it's no Cancun trip. The truth is I actually feel a bit relieved to be doing absolutely nothing for spring break. I have no set schedule and I can come and go as I please. Of course it did get a bit rocky today but I will not focus on the negative. I have decided this spring break will be a good spring break no matter where I am or who I am with. Postive attitude breeds positive results.

"Catch the vision" -Jailyn ;-)

Dr. Mom, Domestic Goddess, Renissance Woman

So it's 4:39 in the morning. I was suppose to leave to go to Atlanta today but that is not happening. I want to relax a bit then I will leave. I was suppose to do my taxes with a friend and then he said he was tired, wanted to eat and go to sleep. I never want to keep people from getting there rest so I just decided to do it later.

Well I decided maybe I should go to bed too. Well I hit the bed at about 9:00 and woke up at 11:28 to do room check. Guess what, there was no room check, the girls were suppose to sign in. So I decided to go back to sleep, good right? Well my friend wanted to use my flat iron so she came in my room to use it at 1:15 and that kept me up a bit. After she finished my girls bum-rushed my room and started bothering me. They finally left me alone after about 15 minutes, by then it was 2:45. What seemed like minutes later but was really about an hour later I heard banging on my door. One of my girls was throwing up and felt really bad. Well I ended up staying up with her until about 4:15. (I am not really sleepy now but I know that it will eventually catch up with me.)

This got me to thinking...being a mom is such a huge responsiblity. Well I already knew that but this just bought it home. I mean they work, take care of children, they cook and clean...well at least my mother did (does). And she passed on some wonderful traits to me. I was glad that I could be of assistance tonight. And tonight I was geniunely concerned and really wanted her to get better; I didn't want to leave until she felt better. This is only a portion of how mothers feel when their children get sick.

Wow...Dr. Mom, Domestic Goddess, Reniassance Woman...Mom! Tell her you love and appreciate her today.

The Power of Music

I love music! I especially music from the early 90s. Music can say whatever you are trying to say in any way you are trying to say it. Music bridges the gap between everything you want to say to the things you dare not mention. A lot of times what I feel comes out through the music I am listening too. Like today it was sunny and I was happy that Spring Break is almost here. I wanted some music that had a hype beat (that made me want to get up and dance) so I turned on Kelly Price (Priceless). I also listened to the radio a bit which was playing a good selection for today (lots of old school 90s, Tevin Campbell!). The other day I was thinking really hard about something and I got in the car and turned on the radio. It was like the song was just for me. It made the rest of my day a bit smoother.

Music can calm my spirit, arouse my emotions, and say what I need to hear. So remember whatever the case may be music is powerful!

I guess I am sort of at a lost for words but I really want to be honest with myself and others; sometimes that is easier said than done.

Well first things first when they said "to each his (her) own" it is very true. I talked to a friend and when she said some things that seemed a bit negative to me about my situation I was a bit taken aback. At first I wanted to be defensive but then later I started to understand. I wanted her to make me feel better about my situation and she couldn't do that. "To each his (her) own" this statement to me means we will all make our own mistakes and decisions. No one can tell us what lesson to learn or make us the learn the lesson sooner.

Next I am tired but I won't give up the fight. I don't know what it is but I just can't give up. I have never fought for something so hard in my life. It seems like no matter how I get hurt I still manage to get up and fight. The strange thing is that it seems like everytime I get tired and really want to throw in the towel something/someone justs keeps pushing me. I have always been a firm believer in letting go but I don't why this is so different. Oh well..."to each his (her) own".

Until next time...

Bedtime Prayer

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank you so much for today, the sunshine and the cold weather. Thank you watching over me and keeping me. Thank you for my family and my friends. Lord please be with my family(Grandma, grandpa, nita, monica, carissa, aaron, aaron II, austin, shanell, gilford, melanie, sandria, sherri, jimmy, uncle james, kayla, aunt peggy, tony, silvia, buddy, alana, chameka (baby), keith, caleb, latoya, lorenzo, lauren, mariah, shaun, crush, pam, scil, desi, oliver, starr, mom, dad, cicily, tyler, phillip, cameron, aunt valerie, aunt barbara, desmond, andre, aunt renee, austin, jaren, candace, aunt tereasa, clay, lynae, aunt darlene, aunt clarnell, uncle herbon, herbon, elise, mama everett, grandma guiles) and friends (danielle, krystle, kell, mellena, michele, melanie, naya, kristyn, matt, candace, morgan, deanna, abdulla, jacquece, vancia, jen, nicki, tiffany, keisha, tisha, kathryn, chris, jason, micheal, julius, chris r., drake, lauren, laurie, tasha, alina, ericka, anthea) in a special way. Help them in their relationship with you and others. Be with those who are sick and those who lost loved ones. Give them a sense of peace and just be with them in a special way. Continue to be with all those who are dealing with many trials and tribulations. Be with me. Help me to be diligent and help me to do what is pleasing to you. Help me to be more like you. Help me to make the right decisions. Help my steadfastness and help me to be tenacious. And the things I fail to ask, fail not to grant them. And as always thank you for just taking the time to listen to me. I love you with all my heart. Amen

A rock and a hard place

Okay so I am caught between a rock and a hard place. I really want to make some decisions in my life. But I feel like right now maybe not be the time. It’s like I am no longer confused but now I am…well…I don’t know. Innocent, blissfully hopeful that someday I will understand myself. Anyway I guess what I am trying to say is that…life it confusing enough by itself. When you add everything else into it, it just gets more complicated. For some people it’s easy to walk away from a situation and not look back. For others this can tend to be a bit harder. So when do I know if I hold on or let go. When do I decide if it is worth the fight? At first I am ready to just let go because that is my first instinct, survival. I am thinking if I let go now then it will be easier to deal with in the long run, right? Well the next thing I know I get this surge of confidence and decide it is best to hold on. Perhaps I see things that others don’t see right now. And I look at others and see them as great examples (of course you will make you own example eventually out of yourself). You are ultimately your greatest example. But finally after much thought and consideration I have decided that…

PS This has nothing to do with a relationship or anything of that sort

It's 3:27 AM and I am still up, I need a vacation. It doesn't even have to be far, I just need one.

To the one(s)? I love

To the one(s)? I love,

I love you just the way you are. I accept you with all your faults and I appreciate you for accepting me with mine. I cherish you because you make me smile or laugh at loud when everything else seems to not go my way. Your name alone sends chills up and down my spine. I love you because I KNOW your mine. With you I can be myself, I never feel forced to be or do something I don't want too. You make me feel comfortable (a thing not most people can do). You laugh at my jokes. Your smile is contagious. Your touch is invigorating. Your intelligence is stimulating. Even the times you make me so mad I could scream (and believe me I do) I still want to be around you. You read my like a book not judging me for my cover alone. You know so much yet there is so much more to uncover. I love you just because you're YOU (and that is the best you can be)!

Happy Valentine's Day

"Looks like clear skies..."

So the sun has shined three days in a row. Those days might have not been the best days but they were a bit better because of the sun. Monday it rained. It reminded me of that song that says, "rainy days and Mondays always get me down." I am no meterologist but it just amazes me how much the weather can have an influence you and your mood. I love the sun shine it just brightens up my day.
Lately I have started a routine of walking/jogging every night. Well last tonight I just did that. But something was different, my friend even said that she didn't think it was safe to walk at night but I disagreed and journeyed on. Well I put on my MP3 player just like always, on my way down a dark hill I saw someone dressed in all black (with a cape and everything) appear a couple yards away. Needless to say I was a bit frightened but I just said a quick prayer a hurried along. Even though that happened I was still able to finish my nightly routine. It just made me realize, I am not invincible (no matter how much I think I am). But honestly I am just glad to be alive.
This year is the year of renewnal and I want to do just that. I want to renew my spirit and try to be as positive as I can. Life is not exactly like I want it but it could be worse, so I am thankful. Thankful for safety, rain, and sun shine. :-D

So...

I’m Ready By Tevin Campbell or Ain’t Gonna Beg By Fantasia

I Finally Know By Boyz II Men (my favorite) or Halfcrazy By Musiq

"On the Real"

Okay well I have not written in a while. Why? Because I just don't know what is going on in my mind (or life) right. I mean it's nothing negative or positive I guess it's just life, it happens that way sometimes. Right now I am feeling very nonchalant about school, people and just life in general. I don't know what I am feeling, I just kinda feel numb right now. I feel like crying or shouting or showing some kind of emotion but I just can't. It's like I have been temporarily turned into something like a robot (non-feeling). Oh well...this too shall pass.

Why do we make things so hard for ourselves? I know exactly what I want (or at least I thought I did). Even though I am not completely sure now I still wouldn't mind giving "it" a chance. I mean what do I have to lose? Nothing. Because I feel as though I have already lost by not trying. I have realized that I must write my own story. The only thing I fear is once this trimuph feeling is gone, the one that lead me to be so honest with myself, despair will set in. And like the Arthea Franklin song says "It Hurts Like Hell."

Now that I am writing this blog I can feel the emotion taking over. Okay so here's the deal I always set myself to think the worst so when it comes I am not as surprised. I know we should live each day like it's our last so we have no regrets (yada yada). Okay but right now I don't feel that way. I feel like demanding answers and making people listen. To put it in a netshell I feel helpless and that is the worst feeling in the world.

I know this sounds really depressing but I don't I mean for it to come out that way. I will be fine I think it's just the school's back in session blues. I don't like to write angry blogs or emotional blogs but sometimes it's good to vent so their it is. "Expression: Letting it all out" -Jailyn :-D

Tick, tock

Tick tock goes the little clock. And then it stops. BTW A word of advice from Nike "Just Do It" because usually the exception is greater than the reality. (Thanks Kylie!)

Be encouraged

Right now I am just feeling broken. For me the beginning of the semester just hasn't started off in the best way. I mean from switching rooms to classes. I guess this has just been a week of adjustment. I want so much to just give up and give in but that is just not my personality. So much has happened in this one week I can't even begin to explain. But the best thing that I have found is to just keep going. I mean people will stress you out if you allow them too. And there will be times when it seems best to throw in the towel but that is when the game is best. When you are down to nothing God is defintely up to something. So be encouraged! =)

What will tomorrow hold?

Today I smiled.
Today I laughed.
Today I learned.

What will tomorrow hold?

Part Of My Life

India Arie - Part Of My Life

Can you be a part of my life?
can you be a part of my life?

Verse 1:
Oh it`s easy to find someone to play with
and almost anyone will do to fill your idle time.
but that very special someone
you can share all your dreams with is so hare to find
And it use to be like me to settle for the physical
but these days it ain`t too easy to make up my mind
cause apparently your body just to temporary to take up my
precious time

Chorus:
See I`ve got to know that
that I can be free with you and
you`ve got to show that
that you`re worthy of my time
can you stimulate my mind?
And I know that it looks good,
but can you be a part of my life
and I`m sure that it feels good
but can you be a part of my life
and it probably even tastes good
but can you be a part of my life
I`ve got to know

Verse 2:
I still appreciate the beauty of a man
but there`s much more to what I need now than what meets the eye
and if beauty`s only skin deep
then your pretty skin won`t send me to my highest high
oh it`s been a long time come for maturity
and I believe that it`s truly what it has to be
cause as much as I admire you
my sexual desire, ain`t controlling me

See I`ve got to know that
that I can be free with you and
you`ve got to show that
that you`re worthy of my time
can you stimulate my mind?


PS This is espically for friend, Get Yo' Man Girl!

Happy New Year

Well it's finally here, 2006...the year of self-renewnal. This is the year I renew myself and become a better version of well...me. Although I must admit right now I am a bit confused about life. I know what I want be it seems like I can't have it. I know what I have but it always seems like I want more. I know what I can achieve but at times it seems impossible. I know a lot of things but I have not even grazed the surface. Despite all this my hopes for this year and things to come is bright. This year just like last year holds so many opportunities and challenges but I am armed and ready to go. Look out 2006, here I come! ;-D