To Whom I Love...

So Oprah is almost over…I knew she would go out with a bang, so I have been watching her last season rather faithfully. Well they had a BIG shebang for her at the United Center in Chicago. Now I will admit I’d been hating on her. But now looking at it, she has really done something with her clout. She has taken what she has multiplied it and used her time in the media for something we don’t see often…good. I am not going to raise her up on a pedal, but I do think she deserves some kudos.

One thing they have been doing at the end of her shows this season is having her guests send her messages. This was all culminated at the United Center with tons of celebs like Jamie Foxx, Usher, Pattie, Aretha, Will and Jada, Madonna, Rascal Flatts, Stevie, Senfield, Michael Jordan, Dakota Fanning, Beyonce, Maria Shriver, Gale, Alicia Keys, Maya Angelou,  and so on came to bid The Oprah Show farewell. At first I thought, this is so much…but then I realized maybe not. So many time we wait until it’s too late—funerals—to celebrate someone’s life. They should know while they are alive how much they are loved and the influence they have had in people’s lives.

There are so many people I should thank and I know most times I don’t say ‘I love you’ enough, but know when I do say it I mean it from the bottom of my heart. Four years ago after I graduated from college (Wow…four years), the pressure of my relationships begin to get to me. I decided to take a much needed break away from it all and totally unplugged. So I did, but not before I wrote all my friends letters expressing to them how much I love them and how much they meant to me. I needed them to know in spite of everything they had made a difference in my life. I believe that everyone who walks in your life for a day or a lifetime has an impact if you let them. I’ve been thinking about those letters recently and thinking maybe it’s time for some more letters. I will admit that this time around there will be a lot less letters, and that’s OK time has filtered some people out. But the original letters I wrote four years ago are still very relevant, and those people will always have a place in my heart.

So to whom I love...know that our time together has meant so much to me. I love you, and even if we grow apart I always will. We will have and have had our ups and downs, but I think that is part of what makes our relationship stronger. Telling you the truth is not always easy, but is very necessary and I'm sure the feeling is mutual. I appreciate your support, and words of wisdom. Thank you for your prayers. Thank you for thinking of me. Thank you for letting me be a part of your life, and allowing me to share with you, celebrations: birthdays, graduations, births and even failures. I truly believe there is a reason you were put in my life. I hope that my influence and time in your life has made as much of a difference as it has in mine. Lastly, my prayer is even if we drift apart you prosper, that you have nothing but the best.

All My Love,

Jailyn

Jumping the Broom

So I saw Jumping the Broom last night (I don't get all the hype), it ok not bad but not great. I wasn't a huge fan of the acting, it could have been funnier, some parts were very awkward, I hate that in movies. Anywho like most things there there lessons that can be found in it.

First, your body is precious and you should be careful who you give it too, cliché, but true. I won't say any more on this because I am no expert, I'll just leave it at that.

Second, when you get married to someone you marry them and have to deal with their family and you inherit their family's baggage. Think about this before you say I do. Your in-laws maybe loud, country, ghetto, rude, but they are your soon-to-be family, and accepting that is half the battle. And just like your family you are stuck with them for life. Your wedding is one day, but family is forever. Remember that. Don't burn bridges over one day (can't stress this enough). Your wedding ultimately is a proud acknowledgement in front of friends and family of your love and devotion for one another. While the day should be special for you and your significant other remember that it's also about those you invite. After all unless you are getting married on a secluded island with nothing but a pastor, you are planning the wedding for friends and family. Include them in it, make them feel apart of it. Wear your grandmother's broach for your mom, it won't kill you nor will it ruin your day, but it will however bring your mother even more joy, so what's the harm in it? Don't let people walk over you and definitely make your own decisions, but be flexible. Family traditions are important don’t let them die because of your stubbornness, remember the wedding is just a day, but the marriage is forever.

People will constantly try to 'help' you plan your big day…it will drive you nuts mostly because it is just their desire to control things. Do not let this bother you. Do not entertain them. Understand most times this help comes from a good place. Be firm when letting them know that their help is not needed, but gentle enough that you are able to live with them afterwards. Again…one day versus a lifetime.

Next, EVERY wedding, again I can not stress every enough, has issues and some kind of shortcomings. Something will go wrong when planning your wedding or on the day of the wedding...the cater maybe late, bridesmaids may not fit into her dress, the dinner rolls maybe hard, your wedding dress maybe be late...but the challenge is not in the obstacle it is in overcoming the obstacle and your attitude in doing so. First, BE CALM…breath. Next, DELEGATE. Finally, LEAVE IT and MOVE ON.

Finally, your wedding, that one day will soon just be another day in the grand scheme of things. Focus more on your marriage then the wedding. Have fun planning the wedding, but remember the best (and worst) is yet to come. This is just one of the many mere symbols of your union. Remember why you fell in love, remember the intense emotion you feel on that day. These are the things that will carry you.

Putting it all Out There

I'm going to do this because perhaps it's time (and Krystle put it out there on fb anyway...lol). I am the Fit person for May http://puttingthefitinfitness.blogspot.com/2011/05/fit-person-award-for-may.html  (I helped her come up with the name.)

This is one of my good friends blog. She is a fitness nut and health guru. She actually studied it in college, so she's legit and she's a registered nurse (I love my professional friends). She decided to start a fit person of the month. I got to be the first Gennie pig. Although it was touch and go I should thank Krystle for asking me to do this, she's been encouraging me in this process all along.

So when Krys first asked if I would do this I agreed because she's my friend and I had made 'some' progress, so why not share. I was cool up until she put it on fb for tons of our friends and family to see. Then all I could think of was the shame and embarrassment in the contrasting photos I gave her as before and after pictures. My heart sank thinking about what people would think of me, and how they would view the pictures. My feelings of insecurity started to run rapid. Now people have already noticed the change, and have freely commented on it from "did you lose some weight? to "you lost A LOT of weight." (although I think my family's reaction has taken the cake). Truth be told I can't see a BIG difference (or many of the differences others claim to see), other than my clothes fitting differently. So  in the beginning I was surprised people even noticed.

I felt like a contestant on the Biggest Loser (one of the reasons I never wanted to go on the Biggest Loser is because of the scale...I hate telling my weight)...which I have become a huge fan of now. To watch them be so successful at their weight lost goals is truly inspiring. At times I am jealous of their extreme success, but I'm trying to get there. I was hesitant to share my success before I reached my ultimate goal, because I still have a ways to go. But I guess it doesn't hurt to celebrate for the success I've had so far.

So here's to being "mildly" successful...and putting it all out there!

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I thought this was a very interesting article, Study: Most obese moms, kids underestimate their weight. It talks about the misconceptions children have about weight because of their mothers, very heavy stuff in my opinion. However, this creates a very good segway into my blog for today (which I have been meaning to blog about for a while).

So, if you have been following my blog you have probably read this post, My Love and Hate Relationship with my Weight and All That Jazz. I explained in that blog how my family has played a part in my obsession (and depression) about my weight. My mom, my aunts, and cousins are always talking about being on diets, not eating this and that and so on and so forth. Or how if they could lose this or that? Comparing and contrasting fat, judging others progress… *eye roll* And even more important to note is that most of them are still very much overweight. The problem is they try quick fix diet tricks instead of putting in the work. This includes my mom, the biggest dieter of them all. I have always teased my mom about her dieting. Which she always casually mentions while indulging herself, and vows to start Monday, so she can enjoy her indulging without the guilt. So while talking to my mom one day and joking about her being on a diet (my mom is about a size 10 to put this in perspective…maybe an eight on a good day), she told me there was a reason she did that. She told me the reason she was always on a diet was because of her mom. My grandmother up until her death last year (February 2010) had always been a heavy set woman (having eight kids might do that to you), and most of her sisters (who also each had more than four) were overweight too. My mother said she stayed on a diet to make sure she never got as big as her mother or her aunts. Imagine my surprise when I realized that this was a vicious cycle that had started long before me.

Now let me pause and say that a lot of things contribute to obesity and being overweight in general and when it comes to our family. To me being overweight has a lot to do with what you eat, physical activity, DNA (genes), attitude, ability and determination. First, we as a family love to eat. Our after church meal every week consisted of mac and cheese, meat and gravy, sweet potatoes, greens, corn and green beans, potato salad, fried mushrooms and dessert. EVERY WEEK!!!! And every major holiday (with even more goodies added). I will admit just thinking about is making me hungry. After eating all that we would just sit around and talk. No one suggested a walk or encouraged the kids to go outside and play.  As I said my mom, aunts, and cousins were always passing along new diet information. Always a quick fix never a permanent solution. The ability to do something was always there, but the determination was not.

Skip forward to adult me, struggling to lose weight and become healthy and happy about my body and weight. I have shared my struggles thus far, with 30 pounds down and 30+ more to go, my determination is kicking into high gear. Others have noticed the change, but more than ever I want my family to notice the change. I want them to see and acknowledge the fruits of my labor, so we can change as a family. And that happened for the first time the other day when my mother came to visit. I had not seen her in three months, which in actuality is not a long time, but she commented on my weight loss. At first it was like she always did when she thought I might have been losing weight “oh, are you losing weight? I can tell around there…”, then she would proceed to explain what she was doing to lose weight and how all she needed to do was to lose this or that. *eye roll* I hated when she did that it seem to minimize any hard work I had done. But after she left she called me and said, “You look good. I’ve got to step up my game.” I didn’t ever think I needed a moment like that, but I guess I needed it more than I thought. It has propelled me to want to reach my goal even more as an example to my family that hard work, dedication and attitude make more of a difference than a simple quick fix diet. I want the opportunity to help my family break that vicious cycle, so my younger cousins don’t fall into the same trap. I think I have started it by just being an example.

On the Real: City of Darkness and Saying Goodbye

I've lived in Huntsville now for 8 years (yikes!), and the one thing I have learned is that these meteorologists can not be trusted, so I chose mostly not to look at the news or the weather. (o_o) Last Wednesday, April 27th, started like a typical day...a bit dull and dreary, but typical. I had no idea it was suppose to storm, which I have realized is probably better (as my fear would have been paralyzing had I known the magnitude). Looking back I am quite ashamed of my annoyance, but after being called into the auditorium at 9 and again 11, I was growing weary. I understand it is a security precaution, but it feels like punishment being trapped in a small room with people who feel the need to talk my ear off because they have nothing better to do. My annoyance settled temporarily as I heard the meteorologist say that we had 10 more hours of weather like this…um what?! I have spoken of my fear of storms before and I will say that in part most of my fears of storms lay on the line of rational and irrational ideas of what could happen. But this time it was really happening…(I actually started panicking the day after…). I found out yesterday that 229 tornados actually touched down over 24 hours last week.

When we got home on Wednesday the power was out, it came through our area first. I thought ok it'll be back on later tonight, I even postponed making dinner to wait for the electricity. It never came; I cooked outside on the grill in the middle of a thunderstorm. (-_-) I didn't realize how bad it was until I went out for a drive on Thursday to charge my phone (which was dead which meant no one could contact me, which panicked people) in the car. The whole city was without lights…it was surreal…a whole city paralyzed without electricity. Grocery stores with completely bare shelves and thousands, maybe even millions, of inventory gone. Burglaries started to happen, so they imposed a dust (8pm) to dawn (5:30am) curfew. No gas, stoplights, hot showers… It’s not until you don't have electricity that you realize how much you need it!

I saw Katrina unfold on the news, my heart broke and it was hard to fight back the tears. This situation had the same effect…there were stories of triumph, a 95 year woman who sat in her recliner, covering her head, and rode out the storm will little injuries, and tragedy, a father who gave his life to shield his teenager daughter. Watching this stuff on the news is sad, but seeing it in person being able to drive down the street and realize it missed you by a mile…is nothing to take for granted. Knowing it was around the corner from me gives everything a whole new meaning. To see the neighborhoods that were totally destroyed, nothing left but a pile of wood.

Now I will say that I disagree with the Katrina comparison.  The tragedies that happened here still dull slightly in comparison, but that is my opinion and the government's response will forever suck. There were several major areas of destruction, but a lot was centered in the middle income to upper income neighborhoods which were heavily guarded by the police. I can almost bet they have decent insurance that will set them up in a hotel and fix them up a bigger and better house. I don't want to downplay what they have lost by no means; pictures and family mementos can not be replaced. But I doubt the people in the poorer neighborhoods will be as fortunate. In the end my prayers and help (I did a smidge…) goes out to all my neighbors. We had no lights for four days, we had to throw everything in our fridge out, but in the end I believe we did not suffer at all in comparison.

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We left town soon after realizing that power would not be restored for a while…although I was hopefully. We had planned to go to Atlanta for my father's farewell as associate pastor anyway. During the service I begin to think about when we first moved to Atlanta my eighth grade year. We moved from Chicago when I was 13 years old. I hated it, what teenager wouldn't, being uprooted from their friends and way of life. I struggled for a while with friends and other issues because of my move. I don't think I ever felt at home in Atlanta until I moved to Huntsville for school. We had never been members of a large church, so it was overwhelming when we chose the largest church in the city to become members of. But soon we found our place, especially after my dad became the associate pastor. I think as people bid us farewell at our reception I begin to realize that this indeed was my church family, although until that moment I had never really embraced it. This was a place where I could come to see familiar faces and feel welcomed…and matter to someone. I knew people who had come to my high school graduation, supported me throughout college, and seen me get married. Memories of getting married, watching my brother and sister get baptized. All these memories came flooding back. It was a place where people knew my name, and I actually liked it. I think I began to realize that sometimes you don't realize where home is until you have to leave. I go to the biggest church in the city where I live now and I can tell you, I don't feel a part in many ways, but that was my initial experience in Atlanta. So after the farewell this weekend I am in high hopes that history will repeat itself and I will feel at home again with a new church family.

Workplace Harassment

IF you work in corporate America you have seen the lame workplace harassment videos. You have had to take the training...such a pain. But now that I feel like this is happening to me, I believe this training might have some merit. Perhaps I have a bias view of harassment, so I'll let you decide...I have shorten the stories and details and refrained from including my EXTREME disdain about the situation. But if you have heard it first hand...you know the deal. If not holler at me...

So, I changed buildings almost two years ago. When I got here I had a coworker over here telling me about one of the janitors, who would share personal information about his relationship with his wife and such. At first I felt sorry for him, that he was unhappy in his relationship, I encouraged her to tell him to seek help. Flash forward to last year another coworker starts to receive phone calls at her desk after hours from him. He is making inappropriate remarks and carrying on very unprofessionally, so much that my coworker threatens to tell security since he is calling within the building. Now flash forward to this year, a new coworker transfers over here. She is immediately bombarded by this guy, he dances on the personal line with her, doing just enough to stay legit.

Ok, so knowing all this I have decided to keep my distance, be cordial but that's it. Although we've had a couple run-ins, when he admittedly came at me about smiling after I received a kiss from my husband. (Seriously dude you are just watching my husband and I in the car... O_O). And late last year when he felt slighted because I walked into the lunch room and didn't acknowledge him. (I am here to work, not to socialize). So the other day, my coworker causally mentions that he asked her why I hate him. *Pause* Me not being overly nice to you is hate. Ok. In general I keep my distance from most people at work because, honestly, I don't care to socialize with most of them (mostly has to do with trust, but another story for another time). But in his case it's a personal precaution to keep it at a safe distance, so he doesn't think getting close is an option. *Continues* She goes on to say how he mention my beauty (which my coworker thinks is because he is interested) *eye roll*, and he wanted her to ask me what my deal was. *Pause* Seriously, have we gone back in time to high school, grade school even. Mind you this man is old enough to be my dad. *blank stare* At first I get upset because he is not bold enough to come ask me himself, then I laugh it off because it has no merit and should not even be an issue. So I just brush it off and tell her to tell him if he has an issue he can come to me himself.

So maybe he got the hint because the next day he comes to me and says he needs to ask me something when I get a chance. *scoffs* When I get a chance...um...I'm at work, I only have time to work, it's what I get paid for. Since this was the day of the storm I have yet to see him since then and will NOT be reaching out to him. He can come to me and I will try to be civil...which according to the guy I will not be able to do. The thing is I am very uncomfortable around this guy, I hate walking by him or even being around him. He creates a semi-hostile environment for me, and I don't like it.

At this point I feel like I am being harassed and perhaps I'm being dramatic, but people are CRAZY. And I don't want to risk anything taking a chance on a crazy person. So pray my strength during this situation cause workplace harassment is a serious issue. And further more since I rarely talk at work I would hate for the first extended conversation my coworkers hear me having is me laying out the janitor. *black woman stare*