Day 6 - Standing in the gap

"For he shall have judgment without mercy, that hath shewed no mercy; and mercy rejoiceth against judgment." James 4:2

The promise is slightly hidden in this verse until the end "...mercy rejoiceth against judgement." When I first read this verse it seemed depressing especially given my challenge I was on, to seek out God's promises. Yet, this verse kept on showing up. And only five days later do I get it.

In college sometimes the frivolity of youth leave you less than prepared. Lol. Studying doesn't seem as important until the test is upon you. In those times I found myself praying for the teacher's mercy...and a grade on a curve. I think I learned the most about grading on a curve during calculus. Most times the teacher takes the high grade and makes that an A. What a glorious concept! What a saving grace! This helps fill in the gaps you might have missed. This helped me get a B on calculus.

Grading on a curve helps me understand this verse the best. Yes, you will be judged, which is already a scary concept. You have God's mercy filling in the gaps. God's mercy makes salvation attainable. Now that's a promise!

Day 2 - God's Plan

 "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.12 Then you will call on me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. 13 You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all your heart. 14 I will be found by you,” declares the Lord…" Jeremiah 29:11-14a

I have no idea what god's plans are, and the more I think about, it's probably better that way. I already vacillate over what I think i can and can not handle. i think back over situations I thought I would never get through, and realize that I have not only made it, but I have thrived. and i know it's nothing more than God's grace and mercy. 

Day 1 - God meant for Good...

"But as for you, ye thought evil against me; but God meant it unto good, to bring to pass, as it is this day, to save much people alive." Genesis 50:20

Trusting that God is taking you through things for good can be a hard and painful experience. When you're in the midst of it, everything seems hopeless. It's hard to see any good, let alone God working on your behalf. Case and point….Ebola. My dear husband is tired of me talking about it. I've been feverishly reading everything about Ebola, and driving myself insane. I was angry at people bringing the Ebola virus over here. Those who came for treatment and those who just ended up here. I was mad that I had to think about it every second of every day (totally my choice). But today  I noticed a trend the people who are overcoming the disease are able to donate plasma. Since they are now producing antibodies they are able to help those with their same blood type. And research for Ebola has stepped up. They are talking mass vaccines within a month or so. Who knows how long this would have taken had it not been for it coming to America. And honestly as terrified as I am about it, maybe it was meant for good. 

30 days of promise and prayer

This is just so necessary. Sometimes it's hard to trust God's promises. But it's where He really reveals himself to us. So it's where my journey starts....

Hope Springs Eternal: An Open Letter to My single friends looking to get married…

So I've been watching the new reality show, or as they like to call it social experiment, called Married at First Sight; and in light of my 6th anniversary, I thought this might be fitting blog.

Dear Friends,

In this day and age, it's difficult to find that special someone, settle down and start a life together. At some point in our friendship I'm sure we have discussed marriage briefly or at length. Perhaps I've given you a false sense of marriage in a complete sense. When you're single sometimes marriage looks like a gift from the gods. Coming home from work and having that special someone waiting there for you. Being able to share those special moments. Buying a house, raising a family, growing old together,  and everything else that make marriage so appealing. But perhaps you have been lulled into a false sense of what marriage might really entail. Or maybe the opposite, perhaps, I've scared you from it all together, this was not my intention.

As I watch marriage romanticized in movies and destroyed in reality TV, I am moved to say something.   First don't get married cause you think you're running out of time or you're in a rush to have children. These are not solid marriage foundations, and will likely bust at the seams at the first sign of conflict. In full disclosure, during my first year of marriage I swore we were doing this whole marriage thing wrong, because everything seem to be going wrong. First off don't believe the hype. Marriage is a full-time commitment that requires a lot of attention much like that of a pet or small, medium or large sized child. And like all living things if it is not taken care of (feed, changed, etc.), it will ultimately die. People know this, but I doubt most people get it.

All couples have disagreements. Most of the good fights happen behind closed doors. And no matter what they tell you, you hardly ever really fight fair. And the truth is fights are hardly ever won playing by rules. But what you should do is remember to mirandize yourself , "everything you say can and will be used against you…" This might help in cut down saying things that might be detrimental to your relationship and/or help prevent fights in the future. Unfortunately every couple is different and has different ways to solve problems, so there's not easy fix to overcoming such hurdles. But it's also important to note that marriage is not a 50/50 thing like most people claim. As I've stated before sometimes it's 30/70 or 80/20 or 100/0. Sometimes you win, sometimes you lose, sometimes you win in theory, but lose in reality.

Marriage just like everything else in life has good days and bad days, but the outside world should never be able to tell those days apart. Your treatment of your spouse should remain fairly constant, despite the day, week, month or even year you are having. The most successful marriages I've seen do 3 major things (there's more but i decided to condense it, you'll thank me later). They are dedicated to one another, their marriage and its success. They respect one another and their marriage. And they are committed to each other and making their marriage work. These are simple principles I know, but they are not a magic bullet. Again marriage takes work, and you have to work even when your partner is not. But remember it's your marriage and it can be anything you want it to be. You are the captain, you can't avoid the storms, but your navigation is imperative to make it through.

On the Real: New Blogs

This blog will always be my first and my favorite, but I'm branching out. I figure it's only fair to spread out my thoughts. And my OCD wants me to keep everything in it's place. So I have started 2 new blogs for the other things I love…food and Josi. This will still be my main blog, showcasing every things that is not covered in other 2. So if you have a chance, check them out. They're still pretty young, so give it some time.

Foodxotic
Blog: http://foodxotic.blogspot.com

SAHM Chronicled
Blog: http://sahmchronicled.blogspot.com

See you there!

Life Updates

Time is flying…there's so much going on. I've wanted to write, but haven't really had the time. Entertaining a 3 month-old is a full-time job. And my muse comes and goes.

But enough with the excuses. First things first, my sweet little girl is 3 months old. And she is developing, so much. She reading the world around her, she's so alert and observant. Every day I see something new she's picked up. And I love being able to see it all.

But I must admit at times though I start to get a little stir crazy. Being home with an infant most of the day can be has it's ups an downs, being exciting and exhausting and complicated and rewarding all at the same time. I figured it would happen. Just need an outlet, a hobby of some sort. Right now we've cut back since I quit my job, so that makes it a little harder to a lot right now. But all is not lost…

On another note, I miss my girls. My tried and true, know-me-so-well-sometimes-it-scares-me friends. Lately, I keep thinking how nice it would be to go out to lunch/dinner and cut lose. I know what you are thinking, make new friends. As we all know this is always easier said than done. I could find some new friends, and well I'm trying….but the learning curve for new friends usually makes me apprehensive. And it in itself is a daunting task, and is not the pet project I want to take on yet.

And next we're moving. This has been so frustrating. We decided to move for more space and a cheaper place. But per our lease, we weren't able too unless we paid 2 months rent or found another renter. So we placed an ad on craigslist and eventually found another renter (not from craigslist, go figure). Then we set off to find a new place. We found one didn't take too long. BTW, I HATE renting in NY, but that's another blog all together. Anyway, everything was set last week. But slowly this week it has slowly started to unravel. The mgmt company is making a big deal about renting our apt. I think it has to do with the fact that our apt is going for about $500 more than we are paying. Which they should have realized earlier and this would have made getting out of our contract easier. And the new landlord is making us jump through hoops like trained seals. Apparently he got burned before, dude I get it, but really. So now this whole move is in limbo, and frankly, I'm tired of dealing with it. Such is life…

I would go on, but most of it is just random musings in my head, those will come soon enough. And I'm tired, so I'll stop at that. All in all everything is ok. God is teaching me, and I am reluctantly learning as always, smh. But He is being patient, and helping me along, as always, smh. So I continue to move forward, until next time. (hopefully this makes sense somewhere around the middle of this blog, a strong urgency to sleep came upon me, so hopefully it's coherent).

New Beginnings

I did it, as of Monday May 12, 2014 I resigned from my job to be a full-time SAHM (stay at home mom). It was an extremely difficult decision, but I'm ready to embrace the challenge.

When Matt and I first got married, we decided that once we started our family I would stay home. At first I was opposed to the idea, determined to do it all. My mom did it and I turned out fine, so I wanted to do it too. But after some coaxing I relented, he made some good points (that happens sometimes lol). Fast forward to last year when I found out I was pregnant. I was ecstastic, but very aware that staying home wasn't an option. But I wasn't worried I had a plan, and I could handle it...

But in actuality I wasn't ready, the minute she was born seemed like a countdown to going back to work. But I tried to enjoy the two and a half months I had with her. Yet the time seem to be slipping away so fast. I begin to panic about going back to work, and since I had not chosen a daycare cause I was on bed rest a month before she was born, I was in a bit of a bind. I had visited one daycare before my leave. While I had researched what to ask and what to look for. I would have not thought to ask how much my baby would be held. How fast her needs would be met, what they would do it she was fussy or just in need of a loving touch. Thinking about it I doubt any answer would have been good enough. And to top it all off the idea of leaving her with perfect strangers was not sitting well. Plus I would be spending $200+ to cross the bridge to Jersey, $450+ in gas, and $1200 for daycare. I was basically giving my up my paycheck to work and have someone else watch my child. And while I really liked my job, it wasn't worth it. 

Most importantly what I didn't realize and wasn't prepared for the extreme emotions, and intense feelings, that come with having a baby. The moment she entered the world my feelings changed. She became the most important thing to me. She depends on me (us) for everything…and i wouldn't have it any other way. I love holding her while she sleeps, when our eyes lock during feeds, being there when she cries out. I just couldn't imagine missing these precious moments. Work will always be there, but she'll only be this small once. And while at times I'm still not sure if I can afford it or if I'll regret it later, I'm truly blessed, and content, to be here with her

Josi's First Photo Shoot

Here's a couple from my little Josi's Photo Shoot

She's Here!

We've been blessed with a *drumroll* healthy, beautiful baby girl. (This was my original guess back in September.) Josilyn Bailey was born March 13, 2014 at 8:37 AM at Lenox Hill via C-section. What's funny was originally I wanted to avoid having a c-section, but my little Josi never turned. She stayed head-up the whole time.

She was a relationship-bulding tool between the Lord and I. This pregnancy challenged me to really leave it all at the alter. The crazy thing is I know this is only the tip of the iceberg. Pray church!

Bedrest

Bedrest has officially started! But soon my little bundle will be here! Pregnancy-induced hypertension which is a result of being preeclamptic is the cause. More to come…

Baby Shower

Just in case I haven't expressed it enough on this blog or anywhere else. My friends (and husband) are awesome. They surprised me and came in town and threw what will be deemed as one of the best baby showers EVER. Here is a video, by Kell, of some of the weekend. Enjoy.




(Super Duper thank you to Candace, Kell, Ebony, Kathy, Jen, Krystle, Danielle, Mellena, Stacie and Deanna)

And did I mention how great God is!!! More to come...

New Year, New Fears

New Year News

It's so easy to focus on the negative, between reading the news or even multiple FB posts. It's hard not to get consumed in everything that can, will, might, could, should, shall go wrong. Even with the abundance of the new prospects of the New Year, the negative stuff just seems to take over. I don't really consider the New Year a new start more like a rejuvenated continuation or a new bolt of energy. But I have to admit in this new year, the WHOLE ten days, I've spent most of those days stressing, anxious and just over all worrying over any and every thing, yes I know I said I'm trying to do better but old habits take time to die. Yesterday morning I purposely recounted one of the biggest blessings I was given last year, on my drive to work, every intimate detail. I did this cause I could literally feel myself falling into a pit of despair, for no real reason at all. And as I started thinking about I wondered how I could doubted that God was moving in my life. And it helped give me something to smile about.

Pregnancy News

I’m 30 weeks…w00t!! Not sure if time is flying or dragging. Some days it’s a little of both. Honestly it kind of feels like an out of body experiences sometimes. I still can’t believe, quite honestly I don’t think I’ve even grasped it yet. It never seems like the right time to panic though. So I just truck along. I’ve been forcing myself to get knee deep in baby stuff, I’ve kind of been avoiding. You see here’s the thing I get anxious when I start to plan for things especially big things, so I put them off. I think it’s mostly excitement, but I procrastinate. When it came to my wedding I didn’t start looking for bridesmaids’ dresses until April for a wedding in August.  The girls’ had to order that week to be able to get them and get alterations in time for the wedding. So fast forward to this baby, we just cleaned out the room and put up a crib. This was a huge deal; it only made sense because we were both off work for the holidays.

I opted to buy a cheaper crib after deciding on an expensive once because I felt like it was a better financial decision and quite frankly because it’s a tiny baby, they can sleep anywhere. And for the first 3 months at least that will probably mean right next to me. Plus having limited space, just didn’t make much sense to get something too big. We’ll save that for later.

Other than that things are going well. Looking forward the new year, and especially, March 2014!