"On the Real"

Okay well I have not written in a while. Why? Because I just don't know what is going on in my mind (or life) right. I mean it's nothing negative or positive I guess it's just life, it happens that way sometimes. Right now I am feeling very nonchalant about school, people and just life in general. I don't know what I am feeling, I just kinda feel numb right now. I feel like crying or shouting or showing some kind of emotion but I just can't. It's like I have been temporarily turned into something like a robot (non-feeling). Oh well...this too shall pass.

Why do we make things so hard for ourselves? I know exactly what I want (or at least I thought I did). Even though I am not completely sure now I still wouldn't mind giving "it" a chance. I mean what do I have to lose? Nothing. Because I feel as though I have already lost by not trying. I have realized that I must write my own story. The only thing I fear is once this trimuph feeling is gone, the one that lead me to be so honest with myself, despair will set in. And like the Arthea Franklin song says "It Hurts Like Hell."

Now that I am writing this blog I can feel the emotion taking over. Okay so here's the deal I always set myself to think the worst so when it comes I am not as surprised. I know we should live each day like it's our last so we have no regrets (yada yada). Okay but right now I don't feel that way. I feel like demanding answers and making people listen. To put it in a netshell I feel helpless and that is the worst feeling in the world.

I know this sounds really depressing but I don't I mean for it to come out that way. I will be fine I think it's just the school's back in session blues. I don't like to write angry blogs or emotional blogs but sometimes it's good to vent so their it is. "Expression: Letting it all out" -Jailyn :-D