On the Real

I haven't blogged in what seems like forever…so I've force myself to do it today. :) I started On the Real a while ago when I first started my blog in like 2005. It's basically the random thoughts in my mind of real life events and situations.

The past few weeks have been a whirlwind…everything had just been running together. I can not wait until this weekend (Sunday specifically…to lay on my couch and start my Ally McBeal series…one of my birthday gifts).

My birthday which was on April 20 was pretty good this year. Breakfast, shopping, spa and dinner. So simple and so relaxing…it felt nice. I turned 25 wish I could have celebrated more, but *shrug* such is life. It was much better than some of the past years, so I'll take it. Special thanks to those that did make it special: Chris, Raquel, Danielle, Deanna, and Matt.

Next, I went to Detroit and make some of my tweeps (twitter friends or followers). That was cool. I didn't want to tell my parents or friends at first, because I didn't want them to worry or think I was crazy. I finally told them and they didn't respond like I expected, probably because I was on the trip or the trip was over. They can be such worriers sometimes. It funny because my tweeps are people who in real life I would have never crossed path with because some of us have some major differences, oh well, that's the main point of twitter. As of lately I haven't wanted to tweet much, guess in a search to really understand me…I need to get away from things that make me want to be something or someone else (ponder on that…any further questions come ask me).

I've also been thinking about some of the things I hate about myself *another shrug*. I know hate is such a strong word, but some of these things deserve to be hated. I hate that I want everyone to like me. I hate that I care so much for people who care so little. I hate how I want to help everyone, even those who don't want to be helped. I hate how I want to be included sometimes. I hate how I can't truly love and accept myself sometimes because the way I look. I hate when I get invested in a situation and I can't let go. I hate when I want to be someone's friend, and they keep rejecting my friendship. I hate that I can't just let stuff go sometimes. I hate that I always want to make things better. I hate that I want to help or be helpful. I hate that I want to be a great friend, but I have sucky friendships. I hate how I sometimes mask who I am because I am afraid of what people might thing…basically at times I am afriad to be me…go figure. So many other things is hate, but I'll digress for now. I feel like I should do a paragraph of things if love about myself, but if you look closely some of these 'hates' are also the very things that make me…me and make me stand out above the rest.

Finally, I've had a mini-rant in my head for a while...I hate complainers (always complaining…nothing is ever good enough)…life is what you make it. Deal with it!!! Stop complaining….who cares what you don't have (maybe you are not ready for it)…focus on what you do have…realize life is not going to stop just because you haven't done everything you wanted to or haven't accomplished all your goals. *SLAP* snap out of it…you're alive and in your right mind, seemingly, if you're reading this, so LIVE LIFE…BE YOU…people live life waiting for stuff to happen and all the way stuff is happening...(I'm talking to you and to myself)…"Life is what happens while you're busy making plans." ~ John Lennon
I am very blessed. I started to take it for granted, but I moving on cause pity doesn't look good me. Pity and envy insult my intelligence and degrade what I have built up for myself.

Trying to be content in the moment to set myself up for contentment for a lifetime.