The Unadulterated Truth

Every time I pass a funeral home or cementary and I see an ongoing service my heart hurts. I imagine the hurt and sorrow that must be going on. What that person meant to those in attendance. How much they are loved and how much they will be missed. My heart goes out to the family and friends, sometimes I even say a prayer for their peace. I don't think much can sting as much as the death of someone you loved. Someone who has had a big impact in your life. Someone you looked up to or admired, someone who might have inspiried you. However, it is at this point that you understand their importance here on this earth. The petty differences, arguments, disagreements and such suddenly seem to dull. It is at that point you realize the small stuff doesn't matter as much as the big picture.

If you lived long enough you've been to a funeral. You heard the words showered over the restful body. Words of encouragement and comfort for the family, words of remembrance, funny stories, and fond memories about the dearly departed are shared. During a funeral you get a chance to hear about the person in a rare form. An unadultered form that seems to magnify their strong points and let their true characters shine. In a nutshell you hear all the good things people have to say about them. I have rarely heard anything, but saintly reviews at a funeral no matter who died.

So this has led me to wonder what people would say at my funeral about me. What funny stories would they share? What fond memories? How would I be remembered? What would impression would I leave? I know I am not perfect and not without sin, and I don't expect to be presented that way. But I can't help but wonder, would it be hard for someone to find something nice to say about me or something I did? Would the people listening find it hard to believe? They say you should live your life the way you want to be remembered. Most times I try to do that, but I know I can slip up. I almost sure that in the end it won't matter, but doesn't stop me from pondering such things.

While I wish that I could hear the things now, good or bad, I am inspiried to tell people what they mean to me more often. I don't want the 'sun to set' without those who I love knowing how much I did and how much they meant to me. I am more humbled and willing to see my flaws and not let them be a stumbling block for others. I could worry all day, but in the end if they have nothing to say, but "She did her best" I'm ok with that. Cause that is what I strive to do...I strive to my best better. My prayer daily is to help me be a better person. And knowing that others saw the struggle and the growth would make me proud.

This is not as random as you think, I attended my cousin's grandmother's funeral which lasted almost 4 1/2 hours (yep). While I was sitting there I began to think about some of the thoughts I shared with you earlier. But also I was drawn to the way in which the consistency of comments mimicked one another. Every one she came in contact with knew her favorite word "shabby" and knew she ended most converations with prayer. I want to be that consistent in all that I do and say, I never want anyone to wonder about where I stand on certain issues. I want to be clear and upfront, almost transparent. Ultimately I want to do my best and nothing less.