Control

So today I am going to write uninhabited and free...so I might be all over the place, but try to follow me the best you can.

Today has been a day of reflection...a time to evaluate. And this is just an eighth of what has been flowing through my mind...

This month and last month have been an interesting roller coaster of emotions. I've felt confused, sad, empowered, motivated, unmotivated, and a range of other emotions. The strange thing is that nothing constant not even for a minute. My mood, my desires seem to be constantly changing. I can only guess and hope that these changes are assisting in my growth as I wrote about earlier.

I must admit though these changes are scary. I'm not sure why maybe it's the uncertainty of it all or maybe it's the feeling of not being in control of anything. Whatever the case...it's downright uncomfortable. Not bring able to 'shake' this feeling has an certain uneasiness about it.

And to top all my other feelings off I've recently been full of regret. Wishing I had taken advantage of different opportunities even though I'm not sure if these opportunities would have even presented themselves. Basically what it comes down to is wanting what I can't have and not appreciating what I do have.

And frankly trying to control things only makes things harder than it should be at times. The ultimate thing is unfortunately I can't control others, but I can control what I do and how I react. The problem is usually it's not always about me. However, it is something that I must move past. So my goal is to control what is within my reach.

Always seeking contentment...