I'm sitting here wanting to blog, and I was going to write my anniversary blog tonight. However I was interrupted by a phone call from my aunt (the 3rd time tonight...5th time in a week), and I answered. Needless to say I will not be writing my anniversary blog tonight. But since I am at the computer and my aunt is giving me amo I will blog.
Most of my conversations with my aunt are incoherent and consist mainly of me listening and her talking (a lot of my conversations with a lot of my aunts are like that...lol). However, this aunt is much, much different than the others. I am beginning to think that something is wrong. Why do I think that? Welp the signs of distress are clearly there. I wish I could help, but still waters run deep. Still waters...the place where secrets are buried. Waters that I am just learning about and secrets that lie far beyond the surface. Every family has secrets kept hidden away. Secrets that bind them. Secrets that tear them apart. Secrets that do more harm than good. Secrets that destroy families.
If I had to guess I would imagine that God gave us families to give us a place that's familiar, a place where we feel love. He gave us people who we can count on, supposedly, through thick and thin. When did family become a place of disappointment, failure, and insecurity? When will that open honest atmosphere reappear? A place where we feel welcomed, a place where we can express ourselves? A place where love abounds? When does the healing start? When do we start to help? When do we finally take notice that the secrets that we have are what keep us apart?
I think this all happens when we start taking notice of the problems and address them. When we no longer turn a blind eye to what is going on. When we step up to the plate and realize you didn't choose your family nor did they choose you but this is what you have to work with. Life if complicated enough without the secrets...choose contentment and family over the secrets.
Wednesday, August 11, 2010
Thursday, August 05, 2010
The Best of ...Anita Baker
Today is an Anita Baker day, the opposite of a #yellow day. It's a day of reflection. Well it's actually a month of reflection. I'll share some through my journey.
But for today I want to write about Anita Baker, one of my favorite artist. If you know me then you know I LOVE Anita Baker, second only to Boyz II Men. I love her voice, her classic style and her songs. Each song speaks in volumes. From Lead Me into Love where she begs to be guided into a place of magic where lovers reside. To Ain't No Need To Worry, her powerful gospel ballad with the Winans that assures that there is no need to worry what tomorrows gonna bring, it'll be all over in the morning. And nothing says it like I Apologize. What relationship is not without conflict? In this song she explains the trials of those conflicts and the necessaity of an apology sometimes. You're My Everything says it all...plain and simple. And what's love without the Mystery?
One of my absolute favorites is Fairy Tales that speaks of the truths that most of us miss because of the fantasies that remember from fairy tales. Like We Used To Do with Babyface makes me want to sway, all though it reminisces of where love sometimes goes wrong. Nothing is classic as Angel....and You're the Best Thing Yet. And who can forget Just Because about accepting destiny and running with it, being loved just because you are you. And who can forget Body and Soul she pleads to be loved body and soul, that along with Same Ole Love "from beginning to end, 365 days of the year..." This one makes me want to close my eyes and rock "'I've always told you I'd give anything...Whatever it takes to make you happy, whatever it takes to make you smile, whatever it takes to make you feel good." Anita's You Bring Me Joy captures the feeling of new and true love. And what more could anyone ask for but that you give them the best that you've got, and Giving the You the Best That I Got says just that ('I bet everything on my wedding ring'). No One in the World can love like that special one and Anita does her best to let them know.
Words left unspoken can cause for far too many questions, which is why It's Been You leaves us knowing it all. Anita shows her strong side in No More Tears, sometimes your eyes dry out, and all you can do is move on. Love free of shame and boast-worthy, that's Sweet Love. It's not always easy, but sometimes you got to let it out. Anita encourages shelter from the storm of life and relaxing your pride long enough to get it off your chest in Talk to Me. Ever had love that keeps a smile on your face? Yep, nothing like it...that Good Love! And if that works soon you'll be Caught Up in the Rapture with nothing but sweet memories in the end, How Does It Feel?
In the end, I really appreciate the music Anita Baker creates. She possess a true unique gift in her voice. I can listen to her and truly reflect. Her music speaks of real life...love and lost, the good and the bad, the truths and the misconceptions. In a time and era when it's hard to find music I like. I rest in fact that at one time it did exist. Here's to you Anita! Happy listening!
Monday, August 02, 2010
Wednesday, July 21, 2010
Life is Not a Movie...
So, I've been compared to Joan (Tracee Ellis-Ross) off of Girlfriends, Khadjiah (Queen Latifah) of Living Single, I don't mind cause they are the 'alpha-females' in their groups. They are the strong, successful, and wise ones that others depend on. I love Joan, she's quirky and she loves holidays (as do I), and Khadijah, so cool and determined. These women I can identify with. Don't get me wrong they had their issues. One being that they are dedicated and loyal to their friends, at times so much their issues go unnoticed by those around them. I can relate to that, but never viewed it as an issue until now, sort of...
Today, I was compared with Patricia 'Patty' (Janet Jackson) from Why Did I Get Married Too? This is the first time I had been compared from the negative side, so needless to say I was less than accepting of this comparison, but it was funny, and I did appreciate the depth of Janet's character. Perfect Patty was the rock of her friendship with her other three friends. She gave solid advice, was successful and most importantly she was there for her friends when they needed her. As most of you know, if you have seen it, she loses it in the end...completely blows her top...breaking stuff, smoking, drinking..she's off...really off and unstable (lol!). Now would be the time to ask, "are you on the verge of losing it?" Lol, I don't think so. However, I can totally understand why those around me would think that I resemble her. Although the one big question I must ask is, "were her friends really there for her?" Do you think she felt comfortable laying her issues on them after what she knew about them? Did she feel comfortable to share with them? Sometimes one person's friendship is more beneficial to the other. Seems to me in the movie her friends were more consumed with what was going on with them, most of the time, that they rarely tried to see if she needed help until it was too late. We all got issues and problems if you look closely, you usually can see them. There are people who keep their issues/problems under wraps, but slowly they start to burst at the seams. Things kept in the dark are never kept there for long.
I did some blogs earlier about how/why I don't share as much and about friendships but here is a brief recap: I talk to very few people because I feel very few people would understand or care to understand my problems/issues. I talk to my husband because as of August 10, 2008 he became my best friend, and I feel the need to rely on him a lot as my life partner. I blog more than talk because sometimes just getting stuff out in black and white makes things much clearer to me, it organizes the chaos in my head. I talk to myself because sometimes things should be kept close. I talk to God cause he's always got my back and I never have to worry about him judging me. The fact of the matter is the older you get the less you share because the more you feel you know or recognize you can handle things on your own. I don't want to become of one of those old cynical people, pessimistic about love, life and relationships, but I have to be careful with whom I share. I have to know the person has my best interest in mind, that they care, that they will not share the information I give and that they have a vested interest in me. I just want to feel 'safe' when I share and I rarely feel that, so I rarely share. But most of us have come to a point in life where we don't share as much, we don't need each other as much, and I think that's ok at least for now.
All this realization had made me that see that there is always room for improvement. I am not perfect and I actually appreciate the "callout." I Hope I never lose it like that, but if I do at least someone 'told me so.' :)
Today, I was compared with Patricia 'Patty' (Janet Jackson) from Why Did I Get Married Too? This is the first time I had been compared from the negative side, so needless to say I was less than accepting of this comparison, but it was funny, and I did appreciate the depth of Janet's character. Perfect Patty was the rock of her friendship with her other three friends. She gave solid advice, was successful and most importantly she was there for her friends when they needed her. As most of you know, if you have seen it, she loses it in the end...completely blows her top...breaking stuff, smoking, drinking..she's off...really off and unstable (lol!). Now would be the time to ask, "are you on the verge of losing it?" Lol, I don't think so. However, I can totally understand why those around me would think that I resemble her. Although the one big question I must ask is, "were her friends really there for her?" Do you think she felt comfortable laying her issues on them after what she knew about them? Did she feel comfortable to share with them? Sometimes one person's friendship is more beneficial to the other. Seems to me in the movie her friends were more consumed with what was going on with them, most of the time, that they rarely tried to see if she needed help until it was too late. We all got issues and problems if you look closely, you usually can see them. There are people who keep their issues/problems under wraps, but slowly they start to burst at the seams. Things kept in the dark are never kept there for long.
I did some blogs earlier about how/why I don't share as much and about friendships but here is a brief recap: I talk to very few people because I feel very few people would understand or care to understand my problems/issues. I talk to my husband because as of August 10, 2008 he became my best friend, and I feel the need to rely on him a lot as my life partner. I blog more than talk because sometimes just getting stuff out in black and white makes things much clearer to me, it organizes the chaos in my head. I talk to myself because sometimes things should be kept close. I talk to God cause he's always got my back and I never have to worry about him judging me. The fact of the matter is the older you get the less you share because the more you feel you know or recognize you can handle things on your own. I don't want to become of one of those old cynical people, pessimistic about love, life and relationships, but I have to be careful with whom I share. I have to know the person has my best interest in mind, that they care, that they will not share the information I give and that they have a vested interest in me. I just want to feel 'safe' when I share and I rarely feel that, so I rarely share. But most of us have come to a point in life where we don't share as much, we don't need each other as much, and I think that's ok at least for now.
All this realization had made me that see that there is always room for improvement. I am not perfect and I actually appreciate the "callout." I Hope I never lose it like that, but if I do at least someone 'told me so.' :)
Monday, July 19, 2010
On the Real...and *sigh*
This weekend was girls weekend complete with sushi (I loved it!), massages, and painting, it was such a breath of fresh air. I had so much fun. We also went wedding dress shopping…I think she found 'the one' but only time will tell. I am very blessed to have 2 friends in my life that I can travel with, and who understand me (cause they are so much like me…lol!!). This weekend I realized the bond I have with them can not be recreated in my relationships with others because ours is an unique one. They really encourage me to be better and try new things…it was like a prudish control-freaks united convention. (LOL)
I presented them with a situation this weekend, and they both gave me the same direct answer. Of course I was testing to see how they would answer, but when they did it made me realize that creeping compromise is dangerous. Honestly I knew the answer, and they were right, and it sent my head swirling. Also it made me step back and think if sometimes being too nice is a problem. To be completely honestly I've rarely had that problem except with my friendships. However recently I have been slipping and it's time to get back on track. I can not allow the things in this world to have me falter.
These are some of the things floating around in my mind and heavy on my heart after my question. They are in no way complete or in any order. They are different things that have made me think this weekend. Part of me wants to go into details, but I don't have the time or patience, so for now I just *sigh* about them.
I feel like not much can be accomplished unless you put your foot down. I am not one to talk, but I think that too many times we are not direct about how we feel and it leads us into temptation and gets us in trouble. If we don't show people what we stand for we will fall for anything. I had an incident that happened in April that made me understand the more you allow people to come in and say anything to you the more accepting you become of it. Causally dismissing it is not enough. You have to shutdown the advances of those who seek to 'harm' you intentional or unintentional. Your first line of defense is your willingness to be forthright and honest with yourself and others. My aunt mentioned a phrase and it has stuck with me, I'll blog about it again later…but it's creeping compromise. So many times for short lived pleasure we abandon our morals and values, and what you know is right. The thing is most times we know when we are guilty of it, and yet we choose to continuously ignore it and put ourselves at a disadvantage. We allow others to take advantage of us... *sigh*
Next, I am having an issue with taking people's word for it. So recently as I have blogged about I am apart of the social networking phenomenon in the form of twitter, and very rarely facebook…I also gatlk, IM and BBM. So, when communicating on twitter, gtalk, IM, BBM all you can go off it what people tell you. You can gather bits and pieces based off of others perception of them or even what they say in general, but still it's completely up to them the picture they convey. So with that being said I have to be careful of what I believe which is hard for me because I like to take people's word for it. I want to trust and believe people. Usually you are innocent with me until proven guilty. I truly believe 'word is bond' in the truest form. I struggle with this because sometimes I can't read people over the Internet like I can in real life and that disturbs me. I can't see fully if you are telling me the truth or pulling the wool over my eyes. It's something I struggle with on a daily basis because at the end of the day all I have is your word. *sigh*
Finally, I realize the female perspective on certain issues differs vastly from the male perspective. Yes, I know you already knew that, but I am opening it up like that anyway. :) Recently I've been bothered by the male/female interaction that I have encountered by my peers. Don't get me wrong I'm not trying to police other actions or perhaps I am. I bothered partly because I don't believe we are not being honest enough with other which is a completely different story, but true. My main problem at this moment is that I know for a fact some women's insecurities stem directly from the way they are treated by their significant others. Most times these small acts or comments from a significant other can take a big toll. They are mostly not meant with malice or hurtful intentions, and are sometimes not noticed or talked about, but can be magnified during altercations and such. To help you understand more I'll give you a scenario...your significant other has a friend that he occasionally flirts with. Harmless, right? Probably so, but it bothers you, and sometimes it makes you insecure about yourself. So here's the thing, I think it is completely unnecessary, childish and immature to act like a fool in this situation. Better you sit down and discuss it with your significant other, and not the other party involved as your business should not be with them. However, many people do not realize what a small situation like this can do to the female perspective (pysche). This small incident can make her feel insecure, less sure of herself. Bigger incidents like this can lead a strong, secure, independent woman to became an insecure, bitter, and defensive little girl. I understand that sometimes like I said this is not done with malice intent, but it is and can be damage done. The small comments about other women's features, the pleasure you find in other women's company, the sly comments you make to or about other women in her presence. Though small and, at times, insignificant are making more of big deal than you think. I am not saying that a woman has no stake in it, it is her responsibility to make sure she is being upfront and direct with you so on and so forth. But I have seen the demise of many women because of the inability of her significant other to recognize the damage he's done knowingly and even unknowingly. *sigh*
I presented them with a situation this weekend, and they both gave me the same direct answer. Of course I was testing to see how they would answer, but when they did it made me realize that creeping compromise is dangerous. Honestly I knew the answer, and they were right, and it sent my head swirling. Also it made me step back and think if sometimes being too nice is a problem. To be completely honestly I've rarely had that problem except with my friendships. However recently I have been slipping and it's time to get back on track. I can not allow the things in this world to have me falter.
These are some of the things floating around in my mind and heavy on my heart after my question. They are in no way complete or in any order. They are different things that have made me think this weekend. Part of me wants to go into details, but I don't have the time or patience, so for now I just *sigh* about them.
I feel like not much can be accomplished unless you put your foot down. I am not one to talk, but I think that too many times we are not direct about how we feel and it leads us into temptation and gets us in trouble. If we don't show people what we stand for we will fall for anything. I had an incident that happened in April that made me understand the more you allow people to come in and say anything to you the more accepting you become of it. Causally dismissing it is not enough. You have to shutdown the advances of those who seek to 'harm' you intentional or unintentional. Your first line of defense is your willingness to be forthright and honest with yourself and others. My aunt mentioned a phrase and it has stuck with me, I'll blog about it again later…but it's creeping compromise. So many times for short lived pleasure we abandon our morals and values, and what you know is right. The thing is most times we know when we are guilty of it, and yet we choose to continuously ignore it and put ourselves at a disadvantage. We allow others to take advantage of us... *sigh*
Next, I am having an issue with taking people's word for it. So recently as I have blogged about I am apart of the social networking phenomenon in the form of twitter, and very rarely facebook…I also gatlk, IM and BBM. So, when communicating on twitter, gtalk, IM, BBM all you can go off it what people tell you. You can gather bits and pieces based off of others perception of them or even what they say in general, but still it's completely up to them the picture they convey. So with that being said I have to be careful of what I believe which is hard for me because I like to take people's word for it. I want to trust and believe people. Usually you are innocent with me until proven guilty. I truly believe 'word is bond' in the truest form. I struggle with this because sometimes I can't read people over the Internet like I can in real life and that disturbs me. I can't see fully if you are telling me the truth or pulling the wool over my eyes. It's something I struggle with on a daily basis because at the end of the day all I have is your word. *sigh*
Finally, I realize the female perspective on certain issues differs vastly from the male perspective. Yes, I know you already knew that, but I am opening it up like that anyway. :) Recently I've been bothered by the male/female interaction that I have encountered by my peers. Don't get me wrong I'm not trying to police other actions or perhaps I am. I bothered partly because I don't believe we are not being honest enough with other which is a completely different story, but true. My main problem at this moment is that I know for a fact some women's insecurities stem directly from the way they are treated by their significant others. Most times these small acts or comments from a significant other can take a big toll. They are mostly not meant with malice or hurtful intentions, and are sometimes not noticed or talked about, but can be magnified during altercations and such. To help you understand more I'll give you a scenario...your significant other has a friend that he occasionally flirts with. Harmless, right? Probably so, but it bothers you, and sometimes it makes you insecure about yourself. So here's the thing, I think it is completely unnecessary, childish and immature to act like a fool in this situation. Better you sit down and discuss it with your significant other, and not the other party involved as your business should not be with them. However, many people do not realize what a small situation like this can do to the female perspective (pysche). This small incident can make her feel insecure, less sure of herself. Bigger incidents like this can lead a strong, secure, independent woman to became an insecure, bitter, and defensive little girl. I understand that sometimes like I said this is not done with malice intent, but it is and can be damage done. The small comments about other women's features, the pleasure you find in other women's company, the sly comments you make to or about other women in her presence. Though small and, at times, insignificant are making more of big deal than you think. I am not saying that a woman has no stake in it, it is her responsibility to make sure she is being upfront and direct with you so on and so forth. But I have seen the demise of many women because of the inability of her significant other to recognize the damage he's done knowingly and even unknowingly. *sigh*
Wednesday, July 14, 2010
The Unadulterated Truth
Every time I pass a funeral home or cementary and I see an ongoing service my heart hurts. I imagine the hurt and sorrow that must be going on. What that person meant to those in attendance. How much they are loved and how much they will be missed. My heart goes out to the family and friends, sometimes I even say a prayer for their peace. I don't think much can sting as much as the death of someone you loved. Someone who has had a big impact in your life. Someone you looked up to or admired, someone who might have inspiried you. However, it is at this point that you understand their importance here on this earth. The petty differences, arguments, disagreements and such suddenly seem to dull. It is at that point you realize the small stuff doesn't matter as much as the big picture.
If you lived long enough you've been to a funeral. You heard the words showered over the restful body. Words of encouragement and comfort for the family, words of remembrance, funny stories, and fond memories about the dearly departed are shared. During a funeral you get a chance to hear about the person in a rare form. An unadultered form that seems to magnify their strong points and let their true characters shine. In a nutshell you hear all the good things people have to say about them. I have rarely heard anything, but saintly reviews at a funeral no matter who died.
So this has led me to wonder what people would say at my funeral about me. What funny stories would they share? What fond memories? How would I be remembered? What would impression would I leave? I know I am not perfect and not without sin, and I don't expect to be presented that way. But I can't help but wonder, would it be hard for someone to find something nice to say about me or something I did? Would the people listening find it hard to believe? They say you should live your life the way you want to be remembered. Most times I try to do that, but I know I can slip up. I almost sure that in the end it won't matter, but doesn't stop me from pondering such things.
While I wish that I could hear the things now, good or bad, I am inspiried to tell people what they mean to me more often. I don't want the 'sun to set' without those who I love knowing how much I did and how much they meant to me. I am more humbled and willing to see my flaws and not let them be a stumbling block for others. I could worry all day, but in the end if they have nothing to say, but "She did her best" I'm ok with that. Cause that is what I strive to do...I strive to my best better. My prayer daily is to help me be a better person. And knowing that others saw the struggle and the growth would make me proud.
This is not as random as you think, I attended my cousin's grandmother's funeral which lasted almost 4 1/2 hours (yep). While I was sitting there I began to think about some of the thoughts I shared with you earlier. But also I was drawn to the way in which the consistency of comments mimicked one another. Every one she came in contact with knew her favorite word "shabby" and knew she ended most converations with prayer. I want to be that consistent in all that I do and say, I never want anyone to wonder about where I stand on certain issues. I want to be clear and upfront, almost transparent. Ultimately I want to do my best and nothing less.
If you lived long enough you've been to a funeral. You heard the words showered over the restful body. Words of encouragement and comfort for the family, words of remembrance, funny stories, and fond memories about the dearly departed are shared. During a funeral you get a chance to hear about the person in a rare form. An unadultered form that seems to magnify their strong points and let their true characters shine. In a nutshell you hear all the good things people have to say about them. I have rarely heard anything, but saintly reviews at a funeral no matter who died.
So this has led me to wonder what people would say at my funeral about me. What funny stories would they share? What fond memories? How would I be remembered? What would impression would I leave? I know I am not perfect and not without sin, and I don't expect to be presented that way. But I can't help but wonder, would it be hard for someone to find something nice to say about me or something I did? Would the people listening find it hard to believe? They say you should live your life the way you want to be remembered. Most times I try to do that, but I know I can slip up. I almost sure that in the end it won't matter, but doesn't stop me from pondering such things.
While I wish that I could hear the things now, good or bad, I am inspiried to tell people what they mean to me more often. I don't want the 'sun to set' without those who I love knowing how much I did and how much they meant to me. I am more humbled and willing to see my flaws and not let them be a stumbling block for others. I could worry all day, but in the end if they have nothing to say, but "She did her best" I'm ok with that. Cause that is what I strive to do...I strive to my best better. My prayer daily is to help me be a better person. And knowing that others saw the struggle and the growth would make me proud.
This is not as random as you think, I attended my cousin's grandmother's funeral which lasted almost 4 1/2 hours (yep). While I was sitting there I began to think about some of the thoughts I shared with you earlier. But also I was drawn to the way in which the consistency of comments mimicked one another. Every one she came in contact with knew her favorite word "shabby" and knew she ended most converations with prayer. I want to be that consistent in all that I do and say, I never want anyone to wonder about where I stand on certain issues. I want to be clear and upfront, almost transparent. Ultimately I want to do my best and nothing less.
Friday, July 09, 2010
That's what Friends are For
So a while ago I did a post on friends, telling my friends why I love them So You Call Yourself My Friend...Well skip forward to this year, and True Friendship: Branching Out only to be caught in the middle, More than a Friend..., and Friendliness = Friends.
I gave up on some of my friends because I felt like they couldn't provide all that I needed. I felt like if I couldn't confide in them my deepest darkest secrets then they weren't my friends. Well I realized something important last weekend as my 'friends' got to work helping my with my parents 30th anniversary party. Friends come in all forms, and some are there for special reasons…to tell you the truth even when it hurts or upsets you (Candace, Krystle), to be a listening ear (Naya), to travel with (Kell), to help in a pinch (Danielle), to give you the light and airy feeling you need (Deanna, Mellena, Jacquece, Jen), to sympahtize (Lianna, Erica), to make you laugh (Stacie), to experience something fresh and new (Kenyata, Lala, Ebony), my new best friend for life (Matt) and sometimes just for notaglia (Kristyn, Melanie). ***disclaimer some of you fit into multiple categories***
I know that most of the people listed I don't talk to on a daily or even sometimes on a monthly basis. And for some our season might have passed. But you were a blessing and a lesson while passing through. I still love all you and wish you nothing but the best. I appreciate the gift of friendship we cherish(ed).
So if you want to know I came to this conclusion because of the events of the past few weeks. All long stories with even longer theories attached to them, but in short I realized friendship is less about me and more about us. The collective journey we have together. It's impossible to have any type of relationship, solo. Accepting that I am not an island and that I have built bridges with those around me, and I should use them, is the first step in most growing in a relationship. Leaning on each other no matter what the case maybe. And the most important conclusion I came to is all paths (bridges) usually lead different directions, and that's not a bad thing. You have to go different ways to experience new things. As we grow and evolve so do our relationships, and that's ok. Contentment lies upon you, and not the path you choose. ;)
I gave up on some of my friends because I felt like they couldn't provide all that I needed. I felt like if I couldn't confide in them my deepest darkest secrets then they weren't my friends. Well I realized something important last weekend as my 'friends' got to work helping my with my parents 30th anniversary party. Friends come in all forms, and some are there for special reasons…to tell you the truth even when it hurts or upsets you (Candace, Krystle), to be a listening ear (Naya), to travel with (Kell), to help in a pinch (Danielle), to give you the light and airy feeling you need (Deanna, Mellena, Jacquece, Jen), to sympahtize (Lianna, Erica), to make you laugh (Stacie), to experience something fresh and new (Kenyata, Lala, Ebony), my new best friend for life (Matt) and sometimes just for notaglia (Kristyn, Melanie). ***disclaimer some of you fit into multiple categories***
I know that most of the people listed I don't talk to on a daily or even sometimes on a monthly basis. And for some our season might have passed. But you were a blessing and a lesson while passing through. I still love all you and wish you nothing but the best. I appreciate the gift of friendship we cherish(ed).
So if you want to know I came to this conclusion because of the events of the past few weeks. All long stories with even longer theories attached to them, but in short I realized friendship is less about me and more about us. The collective journey we have together. It's impossible to have any type of relationship, solo. Accepting that I am not an island and that I have built bridges with those around me, and I should use them, is the first step in most growing in a relationship. Leaning on each other no matter what the case maybe. And the most important conclusion I came to is all paths (bridges) usually lead different directions, and that's not a bad thing. You have to go different ways to experience new things. As we grow and evolve so do our relationships, and that's ok. Contentment lies upon you, and not the path you choose. ;)
Tuesday, June 29, 2010
The Philosophical Difference Between Pens and Pencils
I couldn't wait to write with pens when I was younger. I distinctly remember in 4th grade when pens was finally on the school shopping list. No idea why it was so important, but that was the year cursive started also so maybe that added to my excitement. Skip forward to today I love writing with pencils, No #2, lead. I hate mechanical pencils...I should not have to load the lead myself! I started to think what my fascination for pencils is, since not to long ago I only wanted to write with pens. There is one thing that makes pens and pencils unique it is the one fact is more permanent than the other. As you get older you began to realize, how much value is placed in the permanent. You are wiser after your mistakes, but sometimes if you could you wish you could take certain things back...sort of erase them, not everything, but some things. When I use pencils I erase what I don't need and it is no longer an issue. I start over with basically a clean slate. With pens I scribble out (or draw a line through), yes they have erasable pens, but those suck the images never seem to be completely gone after I finish erasing; however with pens whatever I write is still there. The scribble shows the error, but also the moment of correction, which at times is important. It is important to note that you made a mistake and that you are trying to move past it. So the pen versus the pencil makes me realize how things that seemed important once upon a time are really not...how sometimes I wish life was more erasable like a pencil, but I realize the depth of the pen's permanency. While life with pencils seems carefree and wonderful, I have to think of the benefits of the pen. Most legal documents can only be done with black or blue ink, permanent, but extremely important. I think now about how I wish I could go back to the day when writing with pencils, or pens, was my biggest issues. When life little mistakes were simple to erase. How decisions I make today are more permanent like the pen I longed to use. While this makes for an interesting contrast I find it so amazing that the little things make such a big difference.
Thursday, June 24, 2010
My Twitterview Questions - SoCuteSoCoy
So to be fair I answered the twitterview questions myself---
Introduce yourself (be creative...what do you want people to know): I am whatever I say I am…plain and simple
What is your favorite thing about yourself? I have a love, hate relationship with my ability to care.
Favorite song to dance to? Let’s see I like Boyz II Men’s Techno (but I hate techno in general, but it’s Boyz II Men, so I can make an exception) song…Bounce, Shake, Move, Swing, I also recently learned the dance to Get Me Bodied by Beyonce. But I’ll dance to anything generally.
Favorite song to cry to? Encourage Yourself – I listen to it when I need some encouragement…It reminds God is a present help. I find I rely less and less on people, which requires me to lean and rely on God. I keep everything in until I’m ready to pop...and this song is a release.
When are you the silliest? Um…always…I can always find something to laugh at…even if it is myself, but late at night, and usually around my close friends
When is the last time you laughed so hard you cried or almost peed on yourself? An episode of Meet the Browns…I know Brown stands for everything I stand against, but I know people like him, and that show is hilarious.
What do you believe in the most? God’s grace and mercy, and his continuous love of sinners…that fact that you can never stray too far.
What makes you GREAT? Being willing to admit I have flaws and I am human….knowing I have not made it, and I’m far from making it…makes me GREAT…
What is your greatest accomplishment to date? Finishing my MBA while moving out my apartment, planning a wedding, maintaining a relationship, working full-time…. although I down play it…It was amazing and I only made by God’s grace and mercy.
What is one thing that makes you...YOU? My ability to be proactive…my need to help…my need to avoid mediocrity at all costs…by ability to try daily to become a better person…my need to repent daily….
What is your passion? What are you passionate about? I’ve only been trying to figure this out for a while now. I like to cook. I LOVE to write. I have several short stories, poems, and even started a play. I wrote my school song…and part of the senior class song. I also want to make a difference, it really breaks my heart to see people hurting, and not be able to do anything about it.
What is your biggest pet peeve? CLUTTER!!!! If you don’t need it, get rid of it. Smacking food or gum and popping gum (my mom hates that too), talking down to me, people refusing to be anything, but great because of their circumstances, Mediocrity…yes I have quite a few, I know…I'm in a support group
When is the last time you lost your cool? It takes a lot for me, but I would say the other day when someone had a misunderstanding with me and did everything in their power to avoid confronting the issue and me…I hate confrontation, but I like the facts to be straight. And in this case I didn’t feel like they were…and we’re suppose to be cool (that is what frustrated me the most). Stuff like doesn’t sit well with me especially when I try to reach out and clear up the misunderstanding…but bygones.
Describe your dream man. The most important thing is someone who gets me, someone who understands the complex simplicity I am. His goals parallel mine. He is financial stable, and is financially responsible. He is mature. He is able to correct me in love. He is intelligent and he is not threatened by my success (cause I succeed…even when I fail…ok I know too much…lol). He respects me, and what I stand for. He understands that neither he nor I are perfect. He is a provider. He is attentive. We share the same beliefs and values…I refuse to be unequally yoked. He is ambitious…as stated above mediocrity is not an option. He always strives to be better. He expresses himself well. He is neat and clean. He is hard-worker. He has faith. He gets along well with others. This is the main stuff…I’ll spare you the rest…plus I’ve already have my man. ;)
Introduce yourself (be creative...what do you want people to know): I am whatever I say I am…plain and simple
What is your favorite thing about yourself? I have a love, hate relationship with my ability to care.
Favorite song to dance to? Let’s see I like Boyz II Men’s Techno (but I hate techno in general, but it’s Boyz II Men, so I can make an exception) song…Bounce, Shake, Move, Swing, I also recently learned the dance to Get Me Bodied by Beyonce. But I’ll dance to anything generally.
Favorite song to cry to? Encourage Yourself – I listen to it when I need some encouragement…It reminds God is a present help. I find I rely less and less on people, which requires me to lean and rely on God. I keep everything in until I’m ready to pop...and this song is a release.
When are you the silliest? Um…always…I can always find something to laugh at…even if it is myself, but late at night, and usually around my close friends
When is the last time you laughed so hard you cried or almost peed on yourself? An episode of Meet the Browns…I know Brown stands for everything I stand against, but I know people like him, and that show is hilarious.
What do you believe in the most? God’s grace and mercy, and his continuous love of sinners…that fact that you can never stray too far.
What makes you GREAT? Being willing to admit I have flaws and I am human….knowing I have not made it, and I’m far from making it…makes me GREAT…
What is your greatest accomplishment to date? Finishing my MBA while moving out my apartment, planning a wedding, maintaining a relationship, working full-time…. although I down play it…It was amazing and I only made by God’s grace and mercy.
What is one thing that makes you...YOU? My ability to be proactive…my need to help…my need to avoid mediocrity at all costs…by ability to try daily to become a better person…my need to repent daily….
What is your passion? What are you passionate about? I’ve only been trying to figure this out for a while now. I like to cook. I LOVE to write. I have several short stories, poems, and even started a play. I wrote my school song…and part of the senior class song. I also want to make a difference, it really breaks my heart to see people hurting, and not be able to do anything about it.
What is your biggest pet peeve? CLUTTER!!!! If you don’t need it, get rid of it. Smacking food or gum and popping gum (my mom hates that too), talking down to me, people refusing to be anything, but great because of their circumstances, Mediocrity…yes I have quite a few, I know…I'm in a support group
When is the last time you lost your cool? It takes a lot for me, but I would say the other day when someone had a misunderstanding with me and did everything in their power to avoid confronting the issue and me…I hate confrontation, but I like the facts to be straight. And in this case I didn’t feel like they were…and we’re suppose to be cool (that is what frustrated me the most). Stuff like doesn’t sit well with me especially when I try to reach out and clear up the misunderstanding…but bygones.
Describe your dream man. The most important thing is someone who gets me, someone who understands the complex simplicity I am. His goals parallel mine. He is financial stable, and is financially responsible. He is mature. He is able to correct me in love. He is intelligent and he is not threatened by my success (cause I succeed…even when I fail…ok I know too much…lol). He respects me, and what I stand for. He understands that neither he nor I are perfect. He is a provider. He is attentive. We share the same beliefs and values…I refuse to be unequally yoked. He is ambitious…as stated above mediocrity is not an option. He always strives to be better. He expresses himself well. He is neat and clean. He is hard-worker. He has faith. He gets along well with others. This is the main stuff…I’ll spare you the rest…plus I’ve already have my man. ;)
Tuesday, June 22, 2010
Twitterview - Slai23
My second twitterview is someone I've known since college, but I am just getting to know on a different level. He convinced me not to leave twitter after my pride was crushed, so guess that counts for something...He's none other than Slai23.
Introduce yourself (be creative...what do you want people to know): Hi! I'm Steven, an internationally known but locally respected Graduate Student at Texas A&M. I greatly enjoy basketball and emerging technology. I also am a semi-retired sneaker freak.
What is your favorite thing about yourself? My ability to connect with a wide range of people. I'm comfortable in most any situation.
Favorite song to dance to? Hmm....I don't have a favorite. Maybe Thriller?
Favorite song to cry to? I can't recall ever crying to a song. Possibly "This
can't be life" off of Jay-z's Roc La Familia album. Put it on driving to my grandmother's wake with my cousins.
When are you at your silliest? At all times. Seriously but more silly when I'm around close friends and family.
When is the last time you laughed so hard you cried or almost peed on yourself? Can't really recall. Probably that time I got into a MMS war with Clifton. We both nearly got each other fired for laughing at our cubicles.
What do you believe in the most? That most people, when given the chance to be great, regardless of their background, won't seize that opportunity.
What makes you GREAT? My ability to focus and force people to perform at their best. In life, I am also -like Mike- clutch.
What is your greatest accomplishment to date? Graduating Oakwood University, being a good son and family member/friend, and being part of a stable (going on 10 years!) happy relationship with my girlfriend. (3 way tie).
Me: So let's talk about your 'happy' relationship... :) Is she the 'one'?
Slai23: Definitely, I have a great relationship. We are on the same page and feel pretty strongly about the main points of uniting and starting a family.
Me: What do you love about her?
Slai23: Wow. Ummm....Her temperament, the way she treats people and her uncanny ability to keep me grounded. Her levelheadedness and lack of presumptive air even though she has every right to be a snob. The way she gets along with my friends and has seamlessly integrated into my family to the point that my family tells her stuff they don't tell me, lol.
Me: What is the best advice you can give relationship wise?
Slai23: I guess for me is that I am a living example that when you don't force it and approach a relationship patiently you can gain more than anyone ever could rushing their life or not waiting for God. Although my relationship has not gone to the next level it will all in good time. So I guess my advice in a nutshell is, don't rush.
Me: Do you think your girlfriend makes better person and vice versa? Is that important to you?
Slai23: Absolutely. We balance and stabilize each other. We have also influenced each other and expanded our horizons politically and culturally. Yes. It has become more important over the duration of the relationship due to me not knowing what I was missing pre-'Eb'. Lol
What is one thing that makes you..YOU? My varied taste and knowledge of things both random and useful. This in most cases flies against the stereotypes of my race and ethnicity. I greatly enjoy that.
What is your passion? Basketball, technology, and getting on with my life post school.
What is your biggest pet peeve? Proud displays of ignorance. Read a book! Don't boast that you don't know what I'm talking about!
When is the last time you lost your cool? My former pastor here in College Station made some disparaging remarks about youth within the Church. I heated up a bit.
Me: Any questions for me since you let me pick your brain?
Slai23: Why do you think you and 'Eb' have hit it off?
Me: Good one...Probably because we think very similarity, and she reminds me of some of my close friends. Very down to earth, easy to get along with, fun, smart, honest...we share many common interest reading, talking about you guys (oops...lol), cooking, and so on and so forth.
Slai23: Yeah. Because you 2 seemed to just blow up since last year or so...'Eb' needs good friends because she has opened up and been friends with people who have not been as good a friend in return as she has been to them.
Me: Yeah me too, I say that to Matt all the time
Slai23: I'm really happy you all talk. Takes the pressure off of me to be her buddy. LOL that sounds bad but its true.
Me: Lol thanks...sounds like something my significant other would say...smh
SLai23: Lol...And what has ebony told you about me??
Me: Told me about you?! Oh nothing...not much that I didn't already know
Slai23: Ha! Tell the truth. And what did you know?! From just hanging out with you . And....what did 'Eb' tell you?
Me: Well... You all seem happy, I know you have your up and downs like most couples. I see some of the traits that draw me to Matthew and those that make me shake my head and so I understand 'Eb's strife at times
Slai23: Huh?! What makes you shake your head?!
Me: Well... You both are very focused when it comes to most things expect your significant other at times *shh you didn't hear that from me* (it's part of thing we love and hate) Y'all are both strong headed ...You do mostly what you want to do .
Slai23: Except our significant others?! We focus on y'all too..
Me: Uh when it convenient, but we are usually not the priority . It's how you all operate . It's more like a faulty wire thing
Slai23: Biased! I am sure you all are our focus.
Me: At times perhaps... Consider your day... Other than work, what's the next most important part of your day . Does 'Eb' make it on the list daily? Is there always a spot for her?
Slai23: Yes...I do my best to make contact every day.
Me: Not contact ...Special time, quality time ...So that she knows, she was not a passing thought ...Very few men do that ... Sorry :(
Slai23: Hmmm ...Quality time eh? I always argue with 'Eb' that when I'm with her its quality time. She doesn't buy into that .
Me: I don't buy it either . You sound just like Matt , lol!
Slai23: There is nothing wrong with this point of view! We show our affection by being visible and present.
Me: LOL! Really visible and present?! There are lots of things visible and present . We need more effort . Ask Eb...she'll explain it . And listen to her . We need more than visibility and presence ...We can get a dog for that...*no offense*
Slai23: Grrr...
Me: Ok I think I'm done now go hug and kiss 'Eb'
Slai23: Lol ok
Introduce yourself (be creative...what do you want people to know): Hi! I'm Steven, an internationally known but locally respected Graduate Student at Texas A&M. I greatly enjoy basketball and emerging technology. I also am a semi-retired sneaker freak.
What is your favorite thing about yourself? My ability to connect with a wide range of people. I'm comfortable in most any situation.
Favorite song to dance to? Hmm....I don't have a favorite. Maybe Thriller?
Favorite song to cry to? I can't recall ever crying to a song. Possibly "This
can't be life" off of Jay-z's Roc La Familia album. Put it on driving to my grandmother's wake with my cousins.
When are you at your silliest? At all times. Seriously but more silly when I'm around close friends and family.
When is the last time you laughed so hard you cried or almost peed on yourself? Can't really recall. Probably that time I got into a MMS war with Clifton. We both nearly got each other fired for laughing at our cubicles.
What do you believe in the most? That most people, when given the chance to be great, regardless of their background, won't seize that opportunity.
What makes you GREAT? My ability to focus and force people to perform at their best. In life, I am also -like Mike- clutch.
What is your greatest accomplishment to date? Graduating Oakwood University, being a good son and family member/friend, and being part of a stable (going on 10 years!) happy relationship with my girlfriend. (3 way tie).
Me: So let's talk about your 'happy' relationship... :) Is she the 'one'?
Slai23: Definitely, I have a great relationship. We are on the same page and feel pretty strongly about the main points of uniting and starting a family.
Me: What do you love about her?
Slai23: Wow. Ummm....Her temperament, the way she treats people and her uncanny ability to keep me grounded. Her levelheadedness and lack of presumptive air even though she has every right to be a snob. The way she gets along with my friends and has seamlessly integrated into my family to the point that my family tells her stuff they don't tell me, lol.
Me: What is the best advice you can give relationship wise?
Slai23: I guess for me is that I am a living example that when you don't force it and approach a relationship patiently you can gain more than anyone ever could rushing their life or not waiting for God. Although my relationship has not gone to the next level it will all in good time. So I guess my advice in a nutshell is, don't rush.
Me: Do you think your girlfriend makes better person and vice versa? Is that important to you?
Slai23: Absolutely. We balance and stabilize each other. We have also influenced each other and expanded our horizons politically and culturally. Yes. It has become more important over the duration of the relationship due to me not knowing what I was missing pre-'Eb'. Lol
What is one thing that makes you..YOU? My varied taste and knowledge of things both random and useful. This in most cases flies against the stereotypes of my race and ethnicity. I greatly enjoy that.
What is your passion? Basketball, technology, and getting on with my life post school.
What is your biggest pet peeve? Proud displays of ignorance. Read a book! Don't boast that you don't know what I'm talking about!
When is the last time you lost your cool? My former pastor here in College Station made some disparaging remarks about youth within the Church. I heated up a bit.
Me: Any questions for me since you let me pick your brain?
Slai23: Why do you think you and 'Eb' have hit it off?
Me: Good one...Probably because we think very similarity, and she reminds me of some of my close friends. Very down to earth, easy to get along with, fun, smart, honest...we share many common interest reading, talking about you guys (oops...lol), cooking, and so on and so forth.
Slai23: Yeah. Because you 2 seemed to just blow up since last year or so...'Eb' needs good friends because she has opened up and been friends with people who have not been as good a friend in return as she has been to them.
Me: Yeah me too, I say that to Matt all the time
Slai23: I'm really happy you all talk. Takes the pressure off of me to be her buddy. LOL that sounds bad but its true.
Me: Lol thanks...sounds like something my significant other would say...smh
SLai23: Lol...And what has ebony told you about me??
Me: Told me about you?! Oh nothing...not much that I didn't already know
Slai23: Ha! Tell the truth. And what did you know?! From just hanging out with you . And....what did 'Eb' tell you?
Me: Well... You all seem happy, I know you have your up and downs like most couples. I see some of the traits that draw me to Matthew and those that make me shake my head and so I understand 'Eb's strife at times
Slai23: Huh?! What makes you shake your head?!
Me: Well... You both are very focused when it comes to most things expect your significant other at times *shh you didn't hear that from me* (it's part of thing we love and hate) Y'all are both strong headed ...You do mostly what you want to do .
Slai23: Except our significant others?! We focus on y'all too..
Me: Uh when it convenient, but we are usually not the priority . It's how you all operate . It's more like a faulty wire thing
Slai23: Biased! I am sure you all are our focus.
Me: At times perhaps... Consider your day... Other than work, what's the next most important part of your day . Does 'Eb' make it on the list daily? Is there always a spot for her?
Slai23: Yes...I do my best to make contact every day.
Me: Not contact ...Special time, quality time ...So that she knows, she was not a passing thought ...Very few men do that ... Sorry :(
Slai23: Hmmm ...Quality time eh? I always argue with 'Eb' that when I'm with her its quality time. She doesn't buy into that .
Me: I don't buy it either . You sound just like Matt , lol!
Slai23: There is nothing wrong with this point of view! We show our affection by being visible and present.
Me: LOL! Really visible and present?! There are lots of things visible and present . We need more effort . Ask Eb...she'll explain it . And listen to her . We need more than visibility and presence ...We can get a dog for that...*no offense*
Slai23: Grrr...
Me: Ok I think I'm done now go hug and kiss 'Eb'
Slai23: Lol ok
Monday, June 21, 2010
Twitterview - BeauTfllyBrwn
So here it is my first twitterview from one of my favorite followers, BeauTfllyBrwn. I've learned to appreciate her over the past year almost, and hopefully, you can too. Enjoy!
Introduce yourself (be creative...what do you want people to know): Hi! I'm Danielle, I prefer to be called Nikki which is short for Nicole (my middle name) but for some reason Dani sticks *UGH*. I'm 27 years old, no children yet but I would love to be a mother. *this sounds like a eHarmony ad* lol. I'm goofy but blunt. I'm a fun-loving chunky girl lol. I a black girl who loves rock and plays classical music on the piano. I'm a spades master, football loving, adventurous and restless woman! Very nocturnal as most know and I hate liars... It all boils down to I'm imperfectly human!
What is your favorite thing about yourself? That I always try to remain truthful, honest and unbiased
Favorite song to dance to? Beenie Man 'MMM MMM'
Favorite song to cry to? Right now? “Unthinkable”, all-time? “Dangerously in Love”
Me: So what's the back ground behind "Unthinkable" and Dangerously in Love?
BeauTfllyBrwn: The background for those two have are the men I loved on my life. Dangerously in love was my ex 'J'. It was crazy . I still love him til this day and always wonder about him. Unfortunately we did not stay friends . He's embodies my dream attributes the most. That's why in still attracted and love him. Yes he's tall dark Caesar cut, healthy physique, thick eyebrows...I don't know what it is with me and Thick eyebrows lol...big everything else... hands, feet etc ...powerful and confident. We communicated no matter what ...he just wasn't trusting, and was a Jerk. His power turned into arrogance. He's goal orientated and strived for success. He challenged me in all aspects of life... Okay now I realize I loved him more than I thought. Other people also ruined our relationship.
Me: Oh wow, sounds like a reunion might be in order ...sounds like a good guy on paper, but #nobueno
BeauTfllyBrwn: Oh...'J' is married now. Now “Unthinkable” was me falling in love with my best friend of 10+ years . Now the best friend is 'R'. We stepped on a lot of toes crossing that line ...It took me to move to Nashville to realize I love him. At his graduation he tried to change us then but I told him no he had a girlfriend. I didn't want to admit it then, lol. When I got home a month later I drunk dialed and told him I had feelings for him too . I moved to Chicago for school, but he and I were dating other people. He got his girl pregnant. I moved back here after that year and he chose her . I was too much of a free spirit he said . He came to visit and told me he never loved me he was confuse .
Me: Wow...
BeauTfllyBrwn:Yea I've had few loves but they were big... it takes me a long time to fall in love and when I do it's big
Me: I think that's the way it should be
BeauTfllyBrwn: It is. I never really regret it. I appreciate each lesson they've taught me. I just hate starting over . So love songs are how I cry.
Me: Oh yeah I enjoy the lessons after the pain subsides
BeauTfllyBrwn: I never really cry in front of them. Or much at all...Alan is the only man that has seen me cry . We go out and have fun but I refuse to go directly back to where we were . I'm still at the I'll sit down when you propose.
Me: Sounds like a plan.
When are you the silliest? Always but definitely when I'm sleepy
When is the last time you laughed so hard you cried or almost peed on yourself? Today! The comments on the Lakers/Celtic game was HILARIOUS
What do you believe in the most? God is an obvious answer, but I believe in living and enjoying life to the fullest. Also that complacency is NOT an option
What makes you GREAT? My family, especially my Mom and Dad. They've molded me into a great individual. I always strive to be loving, caring, understanding, honest, and forthcoming. I want to be the best friend, mom, daughter, wife, sister etc. So I'm always striving to improve or top myself; that makes me great!
What is your greatest accomplishment to date? Finally deciding on my career path and returning to school, I overcame my biggest obstacle which is myself. I've thrown excuses out the window and decided that I WILL succeed in anything I choose to. I believed in myself.
What is one thing that makes you..YOU? I love being different and don't apologize for it. I don't follow the masses. I think outside the box and I understand I am not the world. My compassion for everybody and everything in it allows me to do so. I love life. Lord this list can really go on and on and on and on lol.
What is your passion? What are you passionate about? I'm passionate about Music, Hair, Art and Architecture. Now if I could get ALL of that in one occupation that would be Nirvana lol.
What is your biggest pet peeve? People spending MY time for me. DON'T make plans for me, DON'T make any commitments for me and DON'T change plans without informing me. OMG it drives me BATTY!
When is the last time you lost your cool? Lol, Wednesday evening... My Mom MADE PLANS FOR ME to help my cousin relocate her storage. I've seen 3 u-haul trucks and made countless trips in a pick-up truck in the last 3 weeks. I'm tired of moving furniture and boxes, BUT it's family so I suck it up and do it. Now mind you It's 95 degrees outside @ 6pm. I'm cute and dressed up from my interview with Paul Mitchell The School. My Mom kidnaps me to do this... 5 hours later I'm drenched in sweat my hair is fro'd up (I only got a few hours out of my straightening session early that morning), I'm operating off 3 hours of sleep, and no food. My cousin and Mom sits there and debates about how to put the drawers to the dresser in the back of the truck, to deliver to my other cousin who is very ungrateful and NOT helping so I flipped. Lol.
What is your dream man? - Ummm my "dream" man would physically consist of beautiful dark brown smooth skin with gorgeous white teeth, full lips, tall, dreads or Caesar, healthy physique (not too small and not too big), nicely formed back, and that line that follows the pelvic separation *ahem* *fans self*, oh and BIG everything else lol ;) Now more importantly I want an intelligent man, a man that can teach me something. One I can debate and discuss politics, sports, literature, anything with. A man that makes me want to constantly improve myself so we can grow together. A communicator because I cannot read minds and I don't like having to solely rely on my ability to read body language. Mmm and a powerful man. I'm a very aggressive woman so I like a man to 'put' me in my place lol. Of course honesty but more importantly trusting, I do not need the scars from previous women; I check my bags at the door he needs to check his too. Confidence... there is nothing sexier. Goal-oriented, God-fearing and family-oriented.
Me: Um I love your dream man description ....hilarious, but very detailed
BeauTfllyBrwn: Lol...I didn't want to go crazy with it just the important stuff
Me: Lol, the important stuff like the line that follows the pelvic separation?
BeauTfllyBrwn: Lol that's so sexy. I've recently 'enjoyed' my ex 'Reg' he was so fit when we were younger and he had that line . He put on weight on and it looks so good on him and he still has that line . He's so different than my average . He's mixed. Very light dark blond curls but so hood . He's 'Blackstone' ...hazel eyes ...I used to braid his hair...my block boy. Smh. Puppy love. Our affair was off and on since I was 16, but he wasn't ready he was in the streets . I went to TSU, and he had 3 kids . He finally got his GED and he's pursuing a associates now. He is why I consider the child's age before dating . No more drama since.
Me: We should have had this chat at lounge with snacks and cocktails . Ok before I get off task....what is the best advice you can give?
BeauTfllyBrwn: Take each experience, each relationship that doesn't work out as a lesson learn; if you cannot do that don't enter another until you do. Baggage ruins relationships and hinders key factors that makes a relationship last; i.e. communication, honesty, and trust . Don't loose yourself in a relationship. It's okay to have activities outside of him and understand he needs that time also to enjoy his. STOP NAGGING! If I have to nag we're not effectively communicating.
Me: Well I had fun....got to know a bit more . :)
Introduce yourself (be creative...what do you want people to know): Hi! I'm Danielle, I prefer to be called Nikki which is short for Nicole (my middle name) but for some reason Dani sticks *UGH*. I'm 27 years old, no children yet but I would love to be a mother. *this sounds like a eHarmony ad* lol. I'm goofy but blunt. I'm a fun-loving chunky girl lol. I a black girl who loves rock and plays classical music on the piano. I'm a spades master, football loving, adventurous and restless woman! Very nocturnal as most know and I hate liars... It all boils down to I'm imperfectly human!
What is your favorite thing about yourself? That I always try to remain truthful, honest and unbiased
Favorite song to dance to? Beenie Man 'MMM MMM'
Favorite song to cry to? Right now? “Unthinkable”, all-time? “Dangerously in Love”
Me: So what's the back ground behind "Unthinkable" and Dangerously in Love?
BeauTfllyBrwn: The background for those two have are the men I loved on my life. Dangerously in love was my ex 'J'. It was crazy . I still love him til this day and always wonder about him. Unfortunately we did not stay friends . He's embodies my dream attributes the most. That's why in still attracted and love him. Yes he's tall dark Caesar cut, healthy physique, thick eyebrows...I don't know what it is with me and Thick eyebrows lol...big everything else... hands, feet etc ...powerful and confident. We communicated no matter what ...he just wasn't trusting, and was a Jerk. His power turned into arrogance. He's goal orientated and strived for success. He challenged me in all aspects of life... Okay now I realize I loved him more than I thought. Other people also ruined our relationship.
Me: Oh wow, sounds like a reunion might be in order ...sounds like a good guy on paper, but #nobueno
BeauTfllyBrwn: Oh...'J' is married now. Now “Unthinkable” was me falling in love with my best friend of 10+ years . Now the best friend is 'R'. We stepped on a lot of toes crossing that line ...It took me to move to Nashville to realize I love him. At his graduation he tried to change us then but I told him no he had a girlfriend. I didn't want to admit it then, lol. When I got home a month later I drunk dialed and told him I had feelings for him too . I moved to Chicago for school, but he and I were dating other people. He got his girl pregnant. I moved back here after that year and he chose her . I was too much of a free spirit he said . He came to visit and told me he never loved me he was confuse .
Me: Wow...
BeauTfllyBrwn:Yea I've had few loves but they were big... it takes me a long time to fall in love and when I do it's big
Me: I think that's the way it should be
BeauTfllyBrwn: It is. I never really regret it. I appreciate each lesson they've taught me. I just hate starting over . So love songs are how I cry.
Me: Oh yeah I enjoy the lessons after the pain subsides
BeauTfllyBrwn: I never really cry in front of them. Or much at all...Alan is the only man that has seen me cry . We go out and have fun but I refuse to go directly back to where we were . I'm still at the I'll sit down when you propose.
Me: Sounds like a plan.
When are you the silliest? Always but definitely when I'm sleepy
When is the last time you laughed so hard you cried or almost peed on yourself? Today! The comments on the Lakers/Celtic game was HILARIOUS
What do you believe in the most? God is an obvious answer, but I believe in living and enjoying life to the fullest. Also that complacency is NOT an option
What makes you GREAT? My family, especially my Mom and Dad. They've molded me into a great individual. I always strive to be loving, caring, understanding, honest, and forthcoming. I want to be the best friend, mom, daughter, wife, sister etc. So I'm always striving to improve or top myself; that makes me great!
What is your greatest accomplishment to date? Finally deciding on my career path and returning to school, I overcame my biggest obstacle which is myself. I've thrown excuses out the window and decided that I WILL succeed in anything I choose to. I believed in myself.
What is one thing that makes you..YOU? I love being different and don't apologize for it. I don't follow the masses. I think outside the box and I understand I am not the world. My compassion for everybody and everything in it allows me to do so. I love life. Lord this list can really go on and on and on and on lol.
What is your passion? What are you passionate about? I'm passionate about Music, Hair, Art and Architecture. Now if I could get ALL of that in one occupation that would be Nirvana lol.
What is your biggest pet peeve? People spending MY time for me. DON'T make plans for me, DON'T make any commitments for me and DON'T change plans without informing me. OMG it drives me BATTY!
When is the last time you lost your cool? Lol, Wednesday evening... My Mom MADE PLANS FOR ME to help my cousin relocate her storage. I've seen 3 u-haul trucks and made countless trips in a pick-up truck in the last 3 weeks. I'm tired of moving furniture and boxes, BUT it's family so I suck it up and do it. Now mind you It's 95 degrees outside @ 6pm. I'm cute and dressed up from my interview with Paul Mitchell The School. My Mom kidnaps me to do this... 5 hours later I'm drenched in sweat my hair is fro'd up (I only got a few hours out of my straightening session early that morning), I'm operating off 3 hours of sleep, and no food. My cousin and Mom sits there and debates about how to put the drawers to the dresser in the back of the truck, to deliver to my other cousin who is very ungrateful and NOT helping so I flipped. Lol.
What is your dream man? - Ummm my "dream" man would physically consist of beautiful dark brown smooth skin with gorgeous white teeth, full lips, tall, dreads or Caesar, healthy physique (not too small and not too big), nicely formed back, and that line that follows the pelvic separation *ahem* *fans self*, oh and BIG everything else lol ;) Now more importantly I want an intelligent man, a man that can teach me something. One I can debate and discuss politics, sports, literature, anything with. A man that makes me want to constantly improve myself so we can grow together. A communicator because I cannot read minds and I don't like having to solely rely on my ability to read body language. Mmm and a powerful man. I'm a very aggressive woman so I like a man to 'put' me in my place lol. Of course honesty but more importantly trusting, I do not need the scars from previous women; I check my bags at the door he needs to check his too. Confidence... there is nothing sexier. Goal-oriented, God-fearing and family-oriented.
Me: Um I love your dream man description ....hilarious, but very detailed
BeauTfllyBrwn: Lol...I didn't want to go crazy with it just the important stuff
Me: Lol, the important stuff like the line that follows the pelvic separation?
BeauTfllyBrwn: Lol that's so sexy. I've recently 'enjoyed' my ex 'Reg' he was so fit when we were younger and he had that line . He put on weight on and it looks so good on him and he still has that line . He's so different than my average . He's mixed. Very light dark blond curls but so hood . He's 'Blackstone' ...hazel eyes ...I used to braid his hair...my block boy. Smh. Puppy love. Our affair was off and on since I was 16, but he wasn't ready he was in the streets . I went to TSU, and he had 3 kids . He finally got his GED and he's pursuing a associates now. He is why I consider the child's age before dating . No more drama since.
Me: We should have had this chat at lounge with snacks and cocktails . Ok before I get off task....what is the best advice you can give?
BeauTfllyBrwn: Take each experience, each relationship that doesn't work out as a lesson learn; if you cannot do that don't enter another until you do. Baggage ruins relationships and hinders key factors that makes a relationship last; i.e. communication, honesty, and trust . Don't loose yourself in a relationship. It's okay to have activities outside of him and understand he needs that time also to enjoy his. STOP NAGGING! If I have to nag we're not effectively communicating.
Me: Well I had fun....got to know a bit more . :)
Monday, June 14, 2010
No Disrespect
I recently finished Sister Souljah's No Disrespect. It is an interesting book, full of knowledge that makes you think on a spiritual, emotional and political level. I admire her for acknowledging her (mis) education about life. You can tell she's smart, but like most of us she is still human. She is still a woman who longs to be loved, appreciated, and accepted. She wrote about 7 influential people in her life, 3 women (including her mother), and 4 men. These people shaped her destiny and caused her to make and break some of her beliefs. While reading the book I began thinking who would I choose if I wrote a book like this. Who are the people that have made the biggest impact in my life...and why? Did they educate or miseducate me?
These people all have some amazing stories behind them and maybe one day I might share, but for now I'll reminisce rather vaguely about lessons learned. :)
Joy - When I was young I would have given anything to be smaller, lighter, cuter...so imagine my envy when I met someone who was all those things. She was my neighbor and classmate. I imagined if I looked like her my life would rid itself of it's problems in the near and even distant future. I imagined how much more I would be liked and how much better I would be treated. In middle school on the way to high school this was more important than one might think. But I remember thinking how perfect she was, and if only I could be that perfect. Being a plump little kid (pre-teen or teen) never had any advantages. I was either getting picked on or picked over. However, it was getting to know her that I soon realized looks don't hide the pain nor do they mask what is really inside. She was a tortured soul much like me. Longing for some of the very things I took for granted. During her reason in my life I realized things are rarely what they seem and sometimes beauty is only be in the eye of the beholder.
Tasha - I thank her now because she taught me more than she'll ever know even though I spent most of the beginning our 'relationship' hating her. My disdain for Tasha lasted for a couple months, but eventually faded once I saw past what others missed. My anger towards her stemmed from a guy that we both liked. In the end she won, couldn't say I blamed him since folks likened her to a Halle Berry look-a-like. And I myself couldn't deny her beauty. However, what most people missed with the pain and anguish she had. I hated her over a guy, when I should have treated her more like a friend. She was known around school and our small community as just another pretty face, destined to fall short because of her circumstances. However, what most people missed was her determination, her drive, her will to defy the odds and prove the nay-sayers wrong, and after I looked past my disdain I was able to see; she was more than a pretty face, more than her circumstances, that beneath it all she wanted more, and rather than hate her I needed to support and love her. I needed to uplift her, she had enough people to discourage her and put her down. Sometimes your enemies aren't really the enemies you thought they were.
Chris - The day I met Chris and his dimples is the day I realized sometimes looks do matter. I knew from the moment that I saw Chris, he was out of my league, but it was meeting Chris that helped me defy my own interpretations of what that league truly was. The more I hung around him the more I felt connected to him. His genuine need to be my friend, his general concern for me...his need for me. No Chris was not a saint, not by any means, but he was a huge restorer of my faith in friendships. His general concern and care helped me make it through a difficult time. Chris came at a time when I needed him the most. Leaving him to go to college was harder than I thought it would be. I'm sure Chris never knew what he did for me when he walked into my life, but he really changed it and me for the better. He helped me see that my own perception was messed up, and I had made it that way. Chris' friendship made me look beyond my stereotypes, and find what was really in front of me.
Warfield - Ever have fantasy so vivid in your mind, it was hard to tell yourself it wasn't real? That was my vision of grandeur I had with Warfield. It was a pure and innocent feeling of a new beginning. He was a couple years my senior, an eloquent speaker, and a truly dynamic person. Every time I got the chance to be around him, I was enamored. He was all that I thought I wanted. The problem with most fantasies is sooner or later they soon must collide with reality. This collision quickly creates a paradox of whether or not you continue with the fantasy or give way to reality and its harshness. When my fantasy of Warfield met with the reality of Warfield, it took a only a short while to pick up my shattered rose-colored glasses, and realize that in the end we are all human prone to human tendencies. The defining moment came when my outlook on human emotional interaction was bleak. It made the end bittersweet, but the life lesson that much more ingrained.
Matthew - There's a moment in time, that most people wait for with every relationship, when things must come full circle. When you completely and fully realize the reason and season for that person's existence in your life. When the boomerang effect causes what seemed so far out of your reach to come back and almost fall in your lap. I believe Matt was an answer to prayer in my early-teens, but I would not know exactly how much until early-twenties. Life has a funny way of making the word never disappear from your vocabulary with the tricks it can play on you. Many say chivalry and love is dead, but for me it was resurrected through Matt. He was the gentleman I wanted my future husband to be. He was the man that many believed was rare and almost extinct. He was the complete package for me. I had learned enough through the years to know that good things come to those that wait and some opportunities only come once in a lifetime. Though we had a bumpy road it only taught me to hold on and love him more. He was my first in the complete sense of the word, and I was his. The lessons we have taught each other will only continue to help us increase our love.
Reaching contentment comes only when you acknowledge lessons learned, and the people who assisted in providing those lessons.
These people all have some amazing stories behind them and maybe one day I might share, but for now I'll reminisce rather vaguely about lessons learned. :)
Joy - When I was young I would have given anything to be smaller, lighter, cuter...so imagine my envy when I met someone who was all those things. She was my neighbor and classmate. I imagined if I looked like her my life would rid itself of it's problems in the near and even distant future. I imagined how much more I would be liked and how much better I would be treated. In middle school on the way to high school this was more important than one might think. But I remember thinking how perfect she was, and if only I could be that perfect. Being a plump little kid (pre-teen or teen) never had any advantages. I was either getting picked on or picked over. However, it was getting to know her that I soon realized looks don't hide the pain nor do they mask what is really inside. She was a tortured soul much like me. Longing for some of the very things I took for granted. During her reason in my life I realized things are rarely what they seem and sometimes beauty is only be in the eye of the beholder.
Tasha - I thank her now because she taught me more than she'll ever know even though I spent most of the beginning our 'relationship' hating her. My disdain for Tasha lasted for a couple months, but eventually faded once I saw past what others missed. My anger towards her stemmed from a guy that we both liked. In the end she won, couldn't say I blamed him since folks likened her to a Halle Berry look-a-like. And I myself couldn't deny her beauty. However, what most people missed with the pain and anguish she had. I hated her over a guy, when I should have treated her more like a friend. She was known around school and our small community as just another pretty face, destined to fall short because of her circumstances. However, what most people missed was her determination, her drive, her will to defy the odds and prove the nay-sayers wrong, and after I looked past my disdain I was able to see; she was more than a pretty face, more than her circumstances, that beneath it all she wanted more, and rather than hate her I needed to support and love her. I needed to uplift her, she had enough people to discourage her and put her down. Sometimes your enemies aren't really the enemies you thought they were.
Chris - The day I met Chris and his dimples is the day I realized sometimes looks do matter. I knew from the moment that I saw Chris, he was out of my league, but it was meeting Chris that helped me defy my own interpretations of what that league truly was. The more I hung around him the more I felt connected to him. His genuine need to be my friend, his general concern for me...his need for me. No Chris was not a saint, not by any means, but he was a huge restorer of my faith in friendships. His general concern and care helped me make it through a difficult time. Chris came at a time when I needed him the most. Leaving him to go to college was harder than I thought it would be. I'm sure Chris never knew what he did for me when he walked into my life, but he really changed it and me for the better. He helped me see that my own perception was messed up, and I had made it that way. Chris' friendship made me look beyond my stereotypes, and find what was really in front of me.
Warfield - Ever have fantasy so vivid in your mind, it was hard to tell yourself it wasn't real? That was my vision of grandeur I had with Warfield. It was a pure and innocent feeling of a new beginning. He was a couple years my senior, an eloquent speaker, and a truly dynamic person. Every time I got the chance to be around him, I was enamored. He was all that I thought I wanted. The problem with most fantasies is sooner or later they soon must collide with reality. This collision quickly creates a paradox of whether or not you continue with the fantasy or give way to reality and its harshness. When my fantasy of Warfield met with the reality of Warfield, it took a only a short while to pick up my shattered rose-colored glasses, and realize that in the end we are all human prone to human tendencies. The defining moment came when my outlook on human emotional interaction was bleak. It made the end bittersweet, but the life lesson that much more ingrained.
Matthew - There's a moment in time, that most people wait for with every relationship, when things must come full circle. When you completely and fully realize the reason and season for that person's existence in your life. When the boomerang effect causes what seemed so far out of your reach to come back and almost fall in your lap. I believe Matt was an answer to prayer in my early-teens, but I would not know exactly how much until early-twenties. Life has a funny way of making the word never disappear from your vocabulary with the tricks it can play on you. Many say chivalry and love is dead, but for me it was resurrected through Matt. He was the gentleman I wanted my future husband to be. He was the man that many believed was rare and almost extinct. He was the complete package for me. I had learned enough through the years to know that good things come to those that wait and some opportunities only come once in a lifetime. Though we had a bumpy road it only taught me to hold on and love him more. He was my first in the complete sense of the word, and I was his. The lessons we have taught each other will only continue to help us increase our love.
Reaching contentment comes only when you acknowledge lessons learned, and the people who assisted in providing those lessons.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Rose-Colored Glasses Theory
I still believe there are good people. I still believe there are good guys. I still believe there are good parents. I still believe some people can be helped. I still believe some people want to change. I still believe there are people who want to be saved. I am still an advocate for celibacy and abstinence, I still believe some people want to save themselves.
And I believe because I believe these things, they are possible.
And I believe because I believe these things, they are possible.
Friday, June 11, 2010
The Appeal
When I die what will they say about me will the work that I've done be enough to help someone when I die WILL I draw men's hearts to you at the setting of the sun wanna hear you say well done when I die
Twitterviews
So I am getting to know some of my twitter followers on a more personal level, so I’ve started Twitterviews. It’s a personal peek into one of my twitter followers innermost thoughts. I ask all of them the same questions but elaborate where needed. I hope you enjoy getting to know my followers as much as I have.
Thursday, June 10, 2010
Being a Better Me
The truth hurts, but sometimes I need to hear it. Contentment in constructive criticism.
Justification of Hypocrisy
Normally when I have a problem I blog about it (which I just should have done in retrospect). Perhaps I was reading too much into stuff that very well might be the case, but it was never my intention to offend anyone. However, if I did I am sorry for that.
So next I'll start out by saying this I care too much sometimes, more than others would like me to at times. And if you know me and have known me, you would know it's not just a passing thing. It's who I am…I care a lot about people. I feel the need most times to give second chances and give the benefit of the doubt even though once my tolerance is gone it's hard to get it back (something I still struggle with…). But I feel like it is my duty as a Christian and as a generally concerned human being to be like that. I understand not everyone shares my position on this and that is fine I can accept that, but why must you criticize me for it? I know that I am not perfect and not within sin, and my intention is never to act like that. However, I guess when I get like this I can step on some toes (and seem pretentious), but I am holding myself to the same standards.
Basically my biggest plight at the moment is I am frustrated with being a hypocrite. Yes, a hypocrite…everyone is in some way or has been or is somewhat of a hypocrite. I see it and do it all the time. We will call someone out on the very thing that at times binds us. So it seems being a hypocrite is a part of human nature, but what I have a big problem with is justification of hypocrisy. Trying to make things ok by brushing if off or saying it was just a joke and thinking that it's not a big deal just because you said it was. That is where my issues lie. And the fact of the matter is I have done it. I am GUILITY too…I am not claiming innocence at all. But recently I have realized it's not right and I need to make a change.
The face of the matter is we all have issues…and we all fall short. I should removed the plank from my eye before I try to remove the speck from yours.
So next I'll start out by saying this I care too much sometimes, more than others would like me to at times. And if you know me and have known me, you would know it's not just a passing thing. It's who I am…I care a lot about people. I feel the need most times to give second chances and give the benefit of the doubt even though once my tolerance is gone it's hard to get it back (something I still struggle with…). But I feel like it is my duty as a Christian and as a generally concerned human being to be like that. I understand not everyone shares my position on this and that is fine I can accept that, but why must you criticize me for it? I know that I am not perfect and not within sin, and my intention is never to act like that. However, I guess when I get like this I can step on some toes (and seem pretentious), but I am holding myself to the same standards.
Basically my biggest plight at the moment is I am frustrated with being a hypocrite. Yes, a hypocrite…everyone is in some way or has been or is somewhat of a hypocrite. I see it and do it all the time. We will call someone out on the very thing that at times binds us. So it seems being a hypocrite is a part of human nature, but what I have a big problem with is justification of hypocrisy. Trying to make things ok by brushing if off or saying it was just a joke and thinking that it's not a big deal just because you said it was. That is where my issues lie. And the fact of the matter is I have done it. I am GUILITY too…I am not claiming innocence at all. But recently I have realized it's not right and I need to make a change.
The face of the matter is we all have issues…and we all fall short. I should removed the plank from my eye before I try to remove the speck from yours.
Sunday, June 06, 2010
Resisting the Pressure: Free to Be ME
If you think peer pressure ended when high school finished think again. Peer pressure is once again, a necessary evil and a continuous part of life. I have seen some people do some stupid things in adulthood due to peer pressure, what I can not seem to understand is why...What makes you think that someone knows better than you, that somehow their reality is better than your? All I can say is to each his own. I even see it virtually...people fighting for attention from people they barely know, and some they've never even met. I recently took a break from social networking partly because of that, I felt the need to conform and that is not what I want to ever do. I never want to feel like I have to be something other than what I am to get people to pay attention to me or to like me. Call it what you want but it is crazy either way.
So considering what I mentioned above, this caused me to realize today I have a problem with people who go with the crowd just because. Those who choose not to march to their own beat. Those are more concerned about what others think than doing what might be unpopular. Doing something just to get attention. For instance, people who seemingly have certain beliefs and morals one minute and the next minute do something that is completely contradicting to those beliefs and morals. Why is that? It baffles me, and makes me weary about whether or not you are being completely honest and foreright about yourself to yourself. I believe many people do it because of the peer pressure because it makes them more popular or gets them the attention they want be it good or bad.
On the flip side there are times that you have to change and adjust to fit your audience, but it should not be done at the expensive of what you believe or you are. But alas this is about and what I want to be. I want to be consistent in all that I do, I want what I believe and who I am to always be parallel. I never want people to question my actions or motives constantly because they seemingly contradict with what I am saying. I want to say what I mean and mean what I say...I want to let my actions and my words coexist in beautiful harmony. Because in the end this is the contentment I search for...and I'm more comfortable in my skin knowing that I am whoever I say I am.
So considering what I mentioned above, this caused me to realize today I have a problem with people who go with the crowd just because. Those who choose not to march to their own beat. Those are more concerned about what others think than doing what might be unpopular. Doing something just to get attention. For instance, people who seemingly have certain beliefs and morals one minute and the next minute do something that is completely contradicting to those beliefs and morals. Why is that? It baffles me, and makes me weary about whether or not you are being completely honest and foreright about yourself to yourself. I believe many people do it because of the peer pressure because it makes them more popular or gets them the attention they want be it good or bad.
On the flip side there are times that you have to change and adjust to fit your audience, but it should not be done at the expensive of what you believe or you are. But alas this is about and what I want to be. I want to be consistent in all that I do, I want what I believe and who I am to always be parallel. I never want people to question my actions or motives constantly because they seemingly contradict with what I am saying. I want to say what I mean and mean what I say...I want to let my actions and my words coexist in beautiful harmony. Because in the end this is the contentment I search for...and I'm more comfortable in my skin knowing that I am whoever I say I am.
Friday, June 04, 2010
On the Real
It's June 2010 already!! Where in the heck has the time gone?! Who knows...I just felt like free-styling so I'm doing it. I feel so much better than I did earlier in the year. At times the growing pains of life got to me, but I am happy to say that I am back and better than ever. I am a better person cause I choose to be a better person. I have decided to stick to my guns and make the most of what I have. My first task...learning to accept myself and what makes me...me.
Reaching internal contentment...:)
Reaching internal contentment...:)
Dating (with Purpose)
So dating is a necessary evil for most, but it doesn't have to be a complete waste of time. And at times it can be completely worth it. At first I thought I didn't have much authority to write about this, but then I realized I have more than I think. So here is apart of my opinion in a nutshell. Any further questions can be asked directly at any point in time. :)
Jailyn's Dating Commandments
I. Don't date outside your league.
II. Don't put yourself on a timeline.
III. Do be upfront about your intentions.
IV. Do remember all relationships require some sort of compromise.
V. Do remember no one is without flaws.
VI. Don't be afraid to put yourself out there.
VII. Do understand that no relationship is perfect.
VIII. Don't be afraid to make you own rules.
IX. Do take your time, true happiness can not be rushed.
X. Don’t ever settle…you only cheat yourself.
Are you more afraid of being alone or being with the wrong person...that is the question to answer.
If your answer is being with the wrong person, as it should be, you should date like so. This means not settling, not putting yourself on a timeline, and not dating for the heck of it, etc. Date with purpose…always date with the end result in mind. If your end result is marriage then only date those who are worthy of your time in that respect. Dating frivolously, aka causal dating, will cause some confusion and may make you believe that the wrong person is the right one...dating without purpose causes you to waste time and loose focus. Why date someone who does not share the same end goal as you? This is a pointless feat which usually only ends in emotional tragedy...I am not saying not to go on dates, I'm saying evaluate the potential dater with a personal scale of dating tolerance. See if they pass the test early, so you don't fail the final later.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with causal dating, to each his own, just don't expect much from causal dating. If you are causally dating then understand that the very nature of causal dating does not leave much room for finding 'the one.'It’s causal for that purpose, no strings attached and all that jazz. And if that is all you are looking for drink up and enjoy...it's your life you can have your cake and eat it too.
The first thing to do to avoid frivolous dating make you intentions known upfront once dating picks up. It's never too soon to see where a relationship is headed, it's ok to ask and discuss and very necessary. Next, listen to what the other person's intentions are...if they're intentions don't parallel yours don't waste you time or theirs. In the end it is what it is and it will be what it will be. Next, don't fall victim to substitute dating, thinking you can change someone. A substitute is never as good as the real thing.
Understand that most times you are the problem...since most times you are the common denominator. This is NOT a bad thing. This happens when you date out you league or when you try to settle. This happens sometimes when your answer to the question above is fear of being alone rather than fear of being with the wrong person. If you date someone outside of your rim of expectations expect to be disappointed. Always heed the red flags and test the string. The red flags are things that say (SCREAM) 'this is not right' and the strings are tied to a person's feelings, beliefs, issues, situations, etc. see how long those strings are and what they are attached too before you sign up for something you never intended to.
Dating like you afraid to be with the wrong person is tough. It requires you to forsake some of the feelings that trap you in your fear of being alone. Staying focus of the task at hand and remembering that a little 'aloneness' now can save you some heartache later. I understand that anomalies are to be expected...but carefully consider potential dates and require out of them what you want.
Know that patience, in dating, is a viture only attained by a few, and to them is given the greatest reward...CONTENTMENT
Jailyn's Dating Commandments
I. Don't date outside your league.
II. Don't put yourself on a timeline.
III. Do be upfront about your intentions.
IV. Do remember all relationships require some sort of compromise.
V. Do remember no one is without flaws.
VI. Don't be afraid to put yourself out there.
VII. Do understand that no relationship is perfect.
VIII. Don't be afraid to make you own rules.
IX. Do take your time, true happiness can not be rushed.
X. Don’t ever settle…you only cheat yourself.
Are you more afraid of being alone or being with the wrong person...that is the question to answer.
If your answer is being with the wrong person, as it should be, you should date like so. This means not settling, not putting yourself on a timeline, and not dating for the heck of it, etc. Date with purpose…always date with the end result in mind. If your end result is marriage then only date those who are worthy of your time in that respect. Dating frivolously, aka causal dating, will cause some confusion and may make you believe that the wrong person is the right one...dating without purpose causes you to waste time and loose focus. Why date someone who does not share the same end goal as you? This is a pointless feat which usually only ends in emotional tragedy...I am not saying not to go on dates, I'm saying evaluate the potential dater with a personal scale of dating tolerance. See if they pass the test early, so you don't fail the final later.
There is absolutely nothing wrong with causal dating, to each his own, just don't expect much from causal dating. If you are causally dating then understand that the very nature of causal dating does not leave much room for finding 'the one.'It’s causal for that purpose, no strings attached and all that jazz. And if that is all you are looking for drink up and enjoy...it's your life you can have your cake and eat it too.
The first thing to do to avoid frivolous dating make you intentions known upfront once dating picks up. It's never too soon to see where a relationship is headed, it's ok to ask and discuss and very necessary. Next, listen to what the other person's intentions are...if they're intentions don't parallel yours don't waste you time or theirs. In the end it is what it is and it will be what it will be. Next, don't fall victim to substitute dating, thinking you can change someone. A substitute is never as good as the real thing.
Understand that most times you are the problem...since most times you are the common denominator. This is NOT a bad thing. This happens when you date out you league or when you try to settle. This happens sometimes when your answer to the question above is fear of being alone rather than fear of being with the wrong person. If you date someone outside of your rim of expectations expect to be disappointed. Always heed the red flags and test the string. The red flags are things that say (SCREAM) 'this is not right' and the strings are tied to a person's feelings, beliefs, issues, situations, etc. see how long those strings are and what they are attached too before you sign up for something you never intended to.
Dating like you afraid to be with the wrong person is tough. It requires you to forsake some of the feelings that trap you in your fear of being alone. Staying focus of the task at hand and remembering that a little 'aloneness' now can save you some heartache later. I understand that anomalies are to be expected...but carefully consider potential dates and require out of them what you want.
Know that patience, in dating, is a viture only attained by a few, and to them is given the greatest reward...CONTENTMENT
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