Guilt by Association

Let me start this off these confessions: I don't take rejection well and I have a hard time letting people go even if they are toxic. I hate saying goodbye even when it's no longer a good thing. I am a totally softie under my cold, hard exterior (Ha!). Case and point last year I had to finally accept that one of my dearest high school friends no longer wanted to be my friend (I was about 7 years late in finding this out…LOL). She had made that choice by her actions and her words. Instead of accepting it for what it was I tried to hang on for years... This only created drama that lasted throughout college, my wedding and so on. However, this is old news so I digress and will move on. This is what made this even harder.

So here's the issue in a nutshell…I joined twitter. Yep, that's pretty much it. LOL! In twitter's defense I met a lot of cool people and have something to do if I ever find myself bored out of my mind. But in general twitter has made me slightly less awesome. I discourage all who dare to consider it. *wink*

I have blogged here numerous times about my fascination and my falling off of social networking (mainly twitter). Social networking is full of people who hide behind there technology gadgets and say whatever they want because no one knows the real them. They show you only what they want you to see. Most lead simple lives and like to share their simple thoughts (yes, guilty as charged). Occasionally during social networking people's worlds collide. I know people who have met their husbands/wives on twitter, best friends, and/or next baby mamas/daddies on twitter. Whatever the case sometimes social networking can give you a happy ending. But what do you do when the ending is not so happy? Most people would tell you it's social networking get over it, but what happens if your worlds have already collided? What happens when this becomes real life?

What happens?! Confrontation. Story Time (short version): …there was a fallout among tweeps (twitter peeps). Some things were said and done that caused a lot of damage. People's feelings were hurt, people were unfollowed, unfriended, and cast out of twitter circles. I mean the reality is we are all human and we are bound to bump heads once in a while. I believe each side had their hand in the pot stirring up trouble. I do not like drama or theatrics. I believe in private constructive confrontation if possible, so when this ensued I was no where to be found. Honestly after everything I decided to limit my social networking time.

So today while thumbing through my contacts I was realized that I was following someone who wasn’t following me (thanks, Twidroyd!!). Which means I had been unfollowed, quick FB check I had been unfriended too…Now in all fairness this is not the first time someone has unfollowed or unfriended me. Most times I could care less because I rarely notice and if I do it's not a huge deal. The last time I noticed I promptly addressed the person (another story for another time). And I guess I shouldn't care since I am not on twitter that much now, but it does because of the reasons I mentioned in my confession above. It matters because our worlds collided. I know the unfollow and unfriend was done out of guilt by association. It was emotionally and maliciously done, and it was done by someone who is afraid to be honest and say that, but have no fear I know the truth (in a sense I have set you free by telling it…you may thank me now).

The simply fact is that I decided not to choose sides (and not to unfollow anyone), and by doing that I was deemed guilty. The problem I have with guilt by association is it defies my right to be innocent until proven guilty. Don't get me wrong…I believe these old adages that say 'if you lay down with dogs you are bound to get flees," or "you are the company you keep", and 'birds of a feather flock together." All wise sayings that scream one thing, be careful of who you associate yourself with. My guilt is solely based on my unwillingness to choose sides. It is grounded in ill-reasoning and an unjustified point of view. I am not going to rage a war on this because I think in a way we have all been guilty by association before. We have all had times when we were misrepresented by the company we chose to keep the decisions we chose to make. I believe our gavels have sometimes fallen too hard on those who have yet to begin their trial.

The truth is we are all constantly judging people and guilting them by association. I had a hard time unfollowing them even felt a little guilty, but in the end it was the person's choice to get rid of me. I guess I had no choice but to oblige. I have no problem that I was unfollowed or unfriended I wish I would have been judged solely based on my own merits, and not the merits on those who are simply around me. Now that I think about it I have no hard feelings and I care even less now than I did this morning probably because of the lame excuse I was given...but lesson learned.

Life update...

Everything is everything...

Actually everything is going...I feel like I started off the year in an awkward routine. This is mainly because I was free from obligations (other than work), so I had free time to do the stuff I wanted to do. Of course that has since changed, but it has prompted me to be more proactive at saying no to people. No I can not do this or that because I would much rather have time to do what I want to do. I know it sounds selfish and from time to time I will committ to something I would rather not do, but I need to be more proactive in being happy and doing or myself.

I do have some good news I think I have might have possible found my passion (*cheers*). If you know me I thrive on this. I want to do something that I am passionate about, so that was my vow for this year. Honestly, I didn't know it would come so quickly nor do I know how I will get from point A to point B (that's God'd worry not mine). It started from some trouble I ran into earlier this year, that I am still dealing with (pray for me), it ignited a passion in me that I feel may have been a sign. I am still praying on it, so I haven't shared it with anyone. But I am excited at the prospect.

The Year in Review

I know it's been a while since I have written. Not much has happened in that time frame, so you can breathe a sigh of relief that you haven't missed anything...lol. However, I have been doing some thinking about my year. Every year since I was about 16 I spend the last week of the year doing a mental review. I literally talk out loud to myself and go month to month reviewing life. I go from January to December, noting the ups and the downs, wrongs and the rights, blessings and more importantly the lessons learned. At times I find the growth so invigorating it propels me to do better.

This year has had some low points. I have done some things I am not proud of, but I have definitely learned some good lessons. It took most of the year for me to realize that I was trying to change my life when nothing was wrong with it. There is always room for improvement, I agree, but I was breaking stuff just to fix it. Smh at me.

I spent too much time this year constantly asking the who? what? when? how? of things. Only to come to the same conclusion...life is too short to ask so many questions. I am usually down for soul searching, but not at the cost of my sanity.

In the end let's just say I am all too happy to welcome in 2011, taking with me the lessons learned, and bid farewell to 2010.

Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.

I once prayed for patience, big mistake, because that is when my patience was put throught the refiner's fire. So I have to be careful what I ask for or what I say I need or what needs to be changed. There are a number of things in my life I am sure need some, a lot, of tweaking. I don't have the time or the patience to divulge them all. But I think the key to most of my flaws and downfalls fall within my lack of willingness to surrender completely to God's will. I believe if I use Him as an example, and follow his instruction and guidance I will be more able to change some of the things that currently bind me. I am a work in progress, but I am hoping for change daily.

Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?

I would be having a baby with my husband. It would premature to our plans, but definitely a blessing.

Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?

My new exercise plan and my healthier outlook on life…it's awesome. I am seeing some results from the new exercise plan. It might not be visable to the outside eye, but I am feeling better about it. I commend myself for what I have done so far. My healthier outlook on life comes from me seeing some things in a new light. It comes from understanding that this is my life, and only changes that will happen will come from our (God and I together) doing. I feel like I am able to do more because of this attitude.

Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?

Yes. I was in the 7th grade. Everything just seemed to be going wrong. I was fat, awkward looking...no one was showing interest in me..."everyone" was having sex, with older guys, (and getting pregnant) except me (I thank God I didn't fall into that trap). And plus it's middle school, so the peer pressure was setting in.

My mom found a note I wrote and showed it to my doctor. So my doctor talked to me about it…anywho I got over it. And realized such is life, and I had to deal with it or it would deal with me accordingly.

Honestly, the only thing that stopped my from really going though with it was that 'they' said you wouldn't make it into heaven if you did. So maybe a silly rumor saved my life...

Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.

...had it not been for those twins, grace and mercy *shouts* (LOL...I'm a preacher at heart). I am alive for no other reason than God's mercy and grace. He has a purpose for me and I have to do my best to fulfill it. Plain and simple.

Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)

This would take a while. I'll post it a bit later.

Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.

I wish I had been more aggressive with my health and body before college. I think it would have helped in my self confidence and dating, although I did not have too much trouble in that area. I have always been "heavy set," but very active. I wish I had used that more to my advatage. I think it would have made doing it now a lot easier, but I am making moves and strides, so I am thankful.

Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.

I wish I had not settled down in Huntsville. I kind of hate it...I just wish I had more of a social life (more friends in here on my level) and better job opporunities other than defense contracting. But that's bygones...I am here and I am dealing. At least I am not alone...(except when he's playing video games...blank stare). I'm considering it our 'bonding' time. Pray for me...kidding. :)

Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?

Um this is totally a 'duh' question...I rush to their aid. I ask the Lord for blessings for their health, life and strength. Actually I claim it with all my might...and I assist in whatever way I can. A true friend is a friend not matter what. Conflicts are a part of life, they come and go.

And honestly, in the end (as cheesy as it may sound) human compassion rules me. Anyone in need, friend or foe, deserves my prayers

Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.

In large unguided quantities they can destroy people's lives.

Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?

I believe in God more than I believe in religion, but I am a Seventh-day Adventist, born and raised. I have studied for myself and decided this is the right choice for me. I am not lead by religion, but by my relationship with God. I feel like sometimes religion adds structure to that relationship. To most it seems like a hassle, but that is only if you are not willing to truly surrender, which is what God requires the most. OK that's pretty much before I start preaching...lol


I think politics are stupid, and for the most part I hate them. But I definitely don't take what my ancestors did lightly, so I most definitely practice my right to vote. And I choose the lesser of the evils...that's the most I can do.

Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.

As I Christian I do not condone homosexuality. With that being said I still respect and love those that choose to practice because God hates the sin not the sinner. And sometimes there are extentuating circumstances that can lead down this path. So I don't want to judge everyone the same, plus I have no right to do so.

As an American I believe all tax paying citizens should have the ability to do as they please within their rights as an American citizen. Honestly, I believe that marriage should be between a man and a women, so I think it should be called something else...But I believe they should get the same rights as all of us do, gay or not.

The end.

Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.

Man…where to start…I love, love, love to read, and anytime I get a chance I try too. There are so many things that I read that make me think. I'll stick to this year though, the books that stand out in my mind. This year has been a good year of reading for me. Most of these books I've already written blogs for, so I'll just share the title and provide links to the previous blogs.

No Disrespect by Sister Souljah

The Conversation by Hill Harper

The Ideal Wife by Jaquelin Thomas

Redemption by Jaquelin Thomas

Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.

I could live without negativity, and the things that daily try to destroy me like lies, hate, deceit, anger and the list goes on. I would much rather live a positive, cloud 9 kind of life if at all possible.

Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.

I could not live without my faith in God. There are some who don't believe, who scoff at the idea and that is their right, but as for me and my house... I have been so blessed and some days all I can do is credit it all to the Lord. It was not by any doing of mine. I have witnessed miracles that can not be explained logically through science or anything else. I believe that is God just showing out, sometimes He has to do that to get our attention. I am not a fanatic, but I am a HUGE fan and a true believer that He exists. For me there is too much that goes on, on a daily basis that supports this. And in the end just like most science hypothesis it takes faith to believe in Him and His awesome power.

Day 14 → A hero that has let you down.

So I try not to put that much faith into someone (as noted before). Because ultimately I believe we all have our flaws and come short of the glory. I still believe that there is good in a lot of people, but I recognize not every day, week, month or year is a good one.

Honestly, I have never been one to have role models or people I'd admire (hero). There are people I think very highly of, but that is where it stops. I think it is because although people have there high points, most have their low points. And for me to admire or envy them is to take on all of that because circumstances change people. I never know what I would do under new circumstances, they could make me a completely different person.

So I guess, in the end, I'll just settle for being my own hero. :)

Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough days.

Anita!

Girl if you dont know, by now I absolutely love listening to you. Especailly when I am having a moment. I did a tribute to you not long ago, called The Best of...Anita Baker.

I love your music because it's soothes my soul...and it's largely based in reality which is really important to me...lol. And because you make music that reminds of true love, the ups and downs.