Okay, so why is this so hard?

I keep asking myself why is this so hard?
Maybe it's because of the new terrain
Or maybe it's because it (or maybe you) drive(s) me insane
(I know you liked how that rhymed)
You see this has never been easy for me
And I guess I shouldn't except it to be
I know I said this is like two roads diverged
But it is more like a new beginning
(Confusion and hesitation is a dangerous thing)
It seems like every time I begin to write down what I really feel
I feel I might regret what I reveal
You don't know how scary this is for me
Letting others in to see what I see (there goes the a whole row of bricks)
I keep on telling myself not to reveal to much to soon
I hope this helps your attempt to break down my "brick" wall
I keep thinking when have I said to much, when do I stop, where do I draw the line?
Well I think now is the time
So C'ya -Jailyn ;-)

The words to a song that go along with this literary work are at http://www.seeklyrics.com/lyrics/India-Arie/Interested.html, Interested by India.arie

PS I am CPR and First Aid Certified (Hooray!) And Matthew whatever your ready you can meet me on the tennis court for your "lesson."

"The Road Not Taken"

One of my favorite poems is "The Road Not Taken" by Robert Frost. For those of you not familiar with this poem you can read it at http://www.bartleby.com/119/1.html. Frost is stuck in a dilemma because he must choose the path best for him. Both of the roads look just about the same except for the fact that one is more worn than the other. This tells Frost that one was more traveled than the other. After weighing his options Frost chooses the one less traveled and says "and that has made all the difference." Why did Frost chose the path less traveled? I mean maybe the path traveled by many could have has the same effect on his life. Why is he sorry he could not travel both? Why does he say it with a sigh?

My friend asked me the "million dollar question" today. She asked me a question everyone had just been assuming the answer to. After she asked the question I realized I was in the same dilemma Frost was in, in his poem. I am at the division of two roads. I have already traveled one and the other I have not. I am not sure if I want to travel the same road again for fear that it might lead me back to the same place. So then it would seem simple then, chose the one you never traveled before. But what if the one I am familiar with has taken on new scenery and a surprising twist? Maybe when I traveled the road the first time I was not adequately prepared? The other road I have not traveled presents itself with new opportunities but I only be taking it to get away from the first road. What if they both lead to the same destiny ?

Whatever road I chose I'll make sure that will make all the difference. ;-)

Likes and Dislikes about myself

In 7th grade during my creative writing class my teacher asked us to write about likes and dislikes about ourselves. Well of course in 7th grade this what I had to say:

"I for the most part like everything about myself. I dislike my hair and my feet. My feet are to big and my hair is to short. I really like my personality and state of mind. I like my personality because I try to be kind whenever I can. My state of mind is trying to always be in a pleasant yet funny state of mind so that I won't get bored but have things I to laugh about. God didn't make me perfect, but I'm satisfied."

Please excuse the grammatical errors. But other than that I thought it was summed up in the end pretty well. If only that were true today. I mean how often are we trying to change something about ourselves and others? Reading this made me think if now all I was worried about was short hair and big feet I would be ecstatic. But even though I have a lot more to worry about, I can still find contentment in my life right now. And that is why I am still not perfect but satisfied. ;-0

To my "Brothas"

This song is by Angie Stone. It expresses how important the black male is to society and its female counterparts. I love it because it reaches to the very essence of the black male. ;-D

(Verse 1)He is my King, He is my one
Yes he's my father, Yes he's my son
I can talk to him, cuz he understands everything I go through and everything I am
He's my support system, I can't live without him
The best thing since sliced bread, Is his kiss, his hugs, his lips, his touch
And I just want the whole world to know, about my..

(Chorus)Black Brotha, I love ya, I will never - try to hurt ya I want ya, to know that, I'm here for you - forever true cuz youre my Black Brotha, strong brotha, there is no - one above ya I want ya, to know that, I'm here for you - forever true

(Verse 2)He's misunderstood, some say that he's up to no good around the neighborhood
But fo' your information - a lot of my brothers got education (now check it)
You got ya wallstreet brotha, ya blue collar brotha,
Your down for whatever chillin on the corner brother
A talented brotha, and to everyone of yall behind barsYou know that Angie loves ya

(Bridge)You mean so much to me, you give me what I need, I'm so proud of you (I said I'm so proud of you)I love you for stayin strong, you got it goin on I'm so proud of you
Going through thick and thin, brothas you gonna win I'm so proud of you
Whenever you facin doubt, brothas gon work it out I'm so proud of you (I got unshakable faith in ya)

"On the real" #6

Okay so I am less than a week away from starting school. I have mixed emotions about the whole thing. On one hand I am ready to see my friends and be able to hang out with them and on the other hand I am not ready for the burden of classes again (you know studying and tests). But life goes on and so I have to follow it.

My relationships this summer have really blossomed. I have also learned new things about myself through others people perspectives (Thanks, you know who you are). I have also learned a lot of life lessons this summer. This summer has made me more aggressive a far as my approach to certain things. And also more appreciative of things (mostly intangible) I have.

All in all the summer has been pretty productive and hopefully the school year will bring the same possibilities. :-P

F.A.T. Chance

For those you who are movie buffs and big Mo'Nique fans I am sure you have seen her new reality show. This show was meant to represent the Fabulous And Thick (F.A.T.) ladies of the nation. This show made me realize that there are really people who struggle with their weight in every aspect of their life. They can allow their weight to hinder them from doing things that only "skinny people" can do ( a lot of the women on the show dispelled that issue very quickly).

In the show Mo'Nique stated that the average American women is a size 14 but the average supermodel is usually about a size 4 or less. Why? Stores like Express and The Limited only carry sizes 12 and smaller. Why? I would like to blame all the insecurities of these plus size women on the media and what they portray on television/movies but that would not be right. You see that may be a large part of it but it goes deeper than that. It is a vicious ongoing cycle that has spiraled out of control.

In America's Next Top Model, a model by the name of Toccara (now on Celebrity Fit Club 2) was the first plus size model one the show. She gave the other smaller framed women a run for their money. She allowed herself to break beyond the stereotypical barrier and venture out into the open. She might have not become America's Next Top Model but she made one giant step for the "real women" all over the world.

Until women like Mo'Nique and Toccara came along these women were lost but now they see they can have a voice and shake what there mama gave them (even if it is a bit extra). I mean why not, they are not invisible so they might as well make it work for the best.
"If you can't love yourself it is going to be hard for someone else to." -Jailyn :-D

Instant Gratification or Delayed Reaction

I am some one who likes things to happen now. This can really be a challenge when it comes to having patience. I have learned though to channel that need for instant gratification into a learning experience. I have learned that things don't always work in your favor and the best things in life are sometimes the things that are the hardest to obtain. I have learned that waiting sometimes makes the victory just a bit sweeter. There is a time and place for everything and that has been a lesson I have had to learn over and over again.

Instant gratification can sometimes also play into my imagination. I have the tendency to sometimes let my imagination get the best of me. To some people this may not seem like a big issue but in my case it is. You see when that happens I can sometimes throw cautiousness to the wind. This allows my emotions to come in and engulf what sense of reason I might have. It makes it hard for me to make a rational decision because there is so much emotion involved.

This is when delayed reaction is needed. This is when I remind myself of the consequences or cost of jumping ahead of the gun. Most times that is enough to get me back on track but there are times when that doesn't even tip the bucket. Sometimes that is just the push I need to keep me on track and remind me that life doesn't wait for me. It helps me realize that instant gratification and delayed reactions mean nothing if you have done nothing.

Throwing caution to the wind and allowing your heart to lead may not always put you in a comfortable position but it gives you a heck of a thrill on the roller coaster of life. 8-)

Rising to the Occasion

Should I have to lower my standards to because I can find anyone on my level? There are so many people who do this just because they have this fear of being alone. Or they think there standards are to high. Whose to say my standards are to high? Does this mean settling because I have to and not because I want to? What's the point? Who is really losing? I am.

I have reached a new plateau in my life, where I just can't be bother with those who don't have my best interest at hand (or for that matter their best interest at hand). I don't mean to sound "uppity" but I mean who wants to settle for something they might not even like enough to keep? I know exactly what I'm worth and others should too (and they should respect me enough to try to keep within those standards).

I have taken the time to be all that I can be as person, why can't I ask for the same out of someone else? If I'm going to have to spend my time and energy with that person, I should be able to at least get what I want. Don't get me wrong I am not saying that I follow my list to a T. What I am saying is I realize what I can get and I go after it. And if I had a ten once I can have a ten again. I don't settle for an eight just because I think that's all I can get. Or that is all that is available right now.

Remember you set the standard(s) to be reached, never settle because you are only cheating yourself. ;-3

"My Heart Rest in Sorrow"

This is a poem I wrote September 23, 2001. I think that it is one of my best works. I wrote it while closing a chapter in the book of my life. So here it goes:

My Heart Rest in Sorrow

To hear the things I wanted to hear

To see the things I wanted to see

To know the things I wanted to know

My heart rest in sorrow

To give the things so precious to me

To take the things rightfully mine

To let you hold to let you borrow

My heart rest in sorrow

To see things in a new light

To feel the things never felt before

To be able to live differently tomorrow

My heart rest in sorrow

I am a poet and I know it! :-P

Dreams: The Key to your Heart

When you go to sleep at night your mind tends to wonder. Often before you drift into a full sleep your thoughts can tend to drift across the day. Well I was just thinking the other day about how powerful and meaningful dreams can be. I mean when I go to sleep everything is out of my hands. Sometimes I have these dreams that are so far fetched, I wonder where my mind is or was. Just think the things that you have your dreams about have to be somehere in the back of your mind. Some of the very things that I have wanted have come to life through my dreams. Sometimes I wish I could live in my dreams I guess the only problem would be that I would never be able to get out and then it would mean that my dreams are reality and then what would reality be, a dream? (ha ha, I am so deep). But anyway this subject sparked my interest the other day when I had a dream. The dream sparked my interest because of what it was about. In the dream things were said that I never really thought were that important at all, but then all of a sudden it seemed real important. A lot of things about you can come out in your dreams. Your dreams can sometimes even predict your daily mood. Just think about the last time you had a good dream you woke up happy. And what about those dreams that you know were important but you can't seem to remember them. Those dreams are probably things that could happen but you don't need to know about just yet. They are like a preview of what is to come. There are good and bad things about dreams like: they don't always come, you can wake up before they finish, sometimes they do come true, and sometimes they can expose your true feelings. Whatever the case may be sleep just wouldn't be as sweet without dreams. Sweet Dreams. ;-]

Only Time Will Tell

You know time has a funny way of telling everything you wanted to keep a secret. I mean eventually it will make you come clean or it will do it for you. But in spite all of that time is one of the most important if not the most important thing in this world. Timing is everything. Timing is your rest, it dictates what time you go to bed and even get up. Timing is your job, it tells you when to be at work and when you are relieved from work (and for you workacoholics, when your "suppose" to leave work). Timing is your love life, when is the right time to make up or break up. It's all in timing I guess when it boils down to it, without time would be lost.

BTW: Tommorrow is the last day of my internship. Yahoo! :-)

My Philosophy of Life

This is a paper I wrote in 12th grade as an assignment for one of my classes. It was almost like a final. Here is goes:

My philosophy of Life

First I must ask myself, what is a philosophy? When I looked it up there seems to be a lot of answers to this question but one stuck out. It said a basic theory concerning a subject. Knowing the definition of philosophy there is not way I can just tell you in one sentence exactly what it is, so here it goes. The most important above all is to love God, your family, and close friends they are the only thing in life that is almost guaranteed to stay the same (there are some exceptions). If you love you neighbor, you will go far. Tell someone everyday that you appreciated what he or she did. Make someone smile everyday even if it is not you. Do something good for yourself everyday. Live, love, and then share the wisdom you learned in both. Learn something new everyday, even if it is about yourself. Cherish those around you. This world is a big bag of skittles so get to tasting it. Never let anyone make you fell as though you don't belong. Always be on alert of those with a negative attitude. Don't let your feelings get the best you. Even though love is blind you don't have to be. Cherish every person that ever enters your life. Pray everyday for those who are less fortunate. Get a vivid understanding of love, lust, and infatuation. Just because this is a sinful world doesn't mean you have to sin. Only you know the true meaning of your life, it is you responsibility to show everyone else. Beware of back stabbers, everyone is not your friend. Be willing to share leadership, you don't have always have to be the chief. Take sometime and just learn that will lift your spirit it will make you feel ten times better. Sometimes at night take some time to drive slow and look at the lights it will make you feel like a child again. Some people are worried about what bad is coming next, instead worry about what good is coming next, it makes life easier to bear. -Jailyn Stone, May 2003

Half empty or half full?

I just received a long but rather humorous e-mail from my roommate. This e-mail made me laugh so hard and think equally as hard. She included in her "lengthy" e-mail a variety of things that one might think about day-to-day or just occasionally. She went from college memories to relationships to friendships to spirituality to well you get it. It just got me thinking about my college experience being half way over. Of course I am looking at the glass as half full; so I will be making the most of my next two years (or so, hopefully not but we'll see). It made me think about must I am going to miss my friends when I leave (like I do during the summer). But how much fun it will be to meet up ever so often on a beach somewhere just to get away (this means we all need great jobs). This got me to thinking I will be facing the workforce. But I will be able to buy whatever I need and some things that I want (my condo on Lake Michigan nicely furnished and a nice Camry). It made me realize relationships will bring with them a new challenge. In college you don't necessarily have to like everyone in your dorm or class but at work you can't always avoid people like you used to. You have to be a mature adult and put other feelings aside (but don't be afraid to be honest). Also romantic relationships will be different. I mean if you are blessed to find the one and get married, you will have to adjust to each other's living style (and I thought having a roommate was hard, you have to share a bed with this "roommate"). And for those of you who willingly or unwillingly (do to circumstances beyond your control) single and still chose to search; beware of the people out there. I chose to look at these things from the positive side because there is already enough to discourage me, why add on more? But the most important thing is living for each day, so that is why I going to get the bed to get ready for work tomorrow. :-*

"On the Real" # 5

Everything is on the up and up here. Nothing much to cover. I am about finish my 10 week internship, it is a interesting ride. I am so tired I will talk more later. "Keep jokes alive. Bye :)

"Let it Flow"

The song "Let it Flow" by Toni Braxton has taken on a whole new meaning to me. I mean it explains the state that I am in right now. Letting it go and just letting it flow. It may seem to some that I have given up. This is not necessarily the case, I realize that things don't always happen on my watch. I wish so often that they could but that is very rarely the case. In the song Braxton focuses on love and that is a major part of how I feel about love but also about other things in life in general. I mean sometimes all you need to do is wait and trust that everything will work out right. You never know until you wait. I am not saying that is the easiest thing to do but it much better then going in circles or always hitting dead ends.

Like I said since everything does not work out on my watch or in my time period I might as while sit back, relax, and enjoy the scenery. You get plenty of chances to mess up in life and learn from your mistakes. Some mistakes are unintentional and some (well you know). Why make unintentional mistakes on top of intentional mistakes? Of course you have to take risks some times but doing something out right just because you wanted to see the outcome of it is just dumb, especially when your the one who gets hurt.
But you live, you learn, and then you do it all over again. ;-}

How much is too much?

Have you ever stopped and thought how much is to much? I am not talking about one specific thing. I am talking everything, in economics it has to do with opportunity cost. What do you have to give up or wait to have in order to get or give something else? I guess some of us never think about that until the problem presents itself. It can be simple things such as getting a lunch from Taco Bell instead Chili's on Monday and being able to get more groceries on Friday (well hopefully you get the point). Or something big like spending time talking with a friend who is having trouble until the wee hours in the morning and getting up late or missing work. Is that too much? As a friend who is in need and as a friend indeed I would say no. Of course the next day I might have a different opinion. But a lot of things in life have a price tag. It might not be a monetary price tag but it will cost you.
So the next time you invest your time, effort, or even money just think about you will be getting or giving up in return. :-D

Hey there, face here!

Hey just wanted to write and say something because I haven't written in a while. And I know a lot of you were worried about me (spudnik ;P). But I am okay just working hard for my money. Can't talk long so I will write longer later. Peace. B)

"On the Real" #4

This is not a direct order nor it is a question but more of a persuasive push. This a quote that I thought of, I thought it was a cute quote.
I have nothing to say, this definitely is a first. Well I guess I will just babble for a minute. So my job is getting better and I am beginning to open up more. I have a conference to attend in three days in Columbus, OH. For some reason I am really nervous but hopefully that will pass before I actually get there.
Other than that nothing much is really going on. I have just really been thinking about life really hard. I would love to share it and I will eventually. As soon as all my thoughts come together. Plus my brain is too tired to really think that hard right now (just kidding). I have the time right now but I will share later. Peace out. -Jailyn :$

How deep are relationships in relation to marriage?

This is a question that I was thinking about the other day. What I meant by this is how deep are dating relationships in relation to marriage? Do you have to be dating to know that the person you are with is the right one for you. Can you just go from friends to marriage or do you have be in a committed relationship first. Personally I feel like if you know then you know go for it. You only get to fall in love the first time once, so make it count. This does not mean that every friend is necessarily up for grabs. It just means if you feel the time is right don't be afraid to dive in and make that relationship count for all it's worth. Don't go off wasting time looking when the one you belong with is right under you nose. Just think of it this way, you can skip the who-ha of dating ups and downs and just get right to the good stuff.

Personal Note: For those of you who watch 'Girlfriends' on UPN, Monday nights. I stated a while ago that I love that show. Well a lot of my friends say I remind them of Joan (I don't know why, so always runs away her men). Well it is probably because I am so picky to them but whatever. Well one thing I want that Joan has is a William. A male confident that I can confide in. Well the other day I found one. Just wanted to share that. So long. :-P

HAPPY 4th OF JULY

HAPPY 4th of JULY! HOPE THE HOLIDAY IS A BLAST! :)