Wishful Thinking

Okay so I am not the best person when it comes to expressing my feelings but this morning I will try because I have a lot on my mind. I have so many unanswered questions. Have you ever wondered if you would have said more or exposed more would it have been different? I mean if you would have been honest with yourself and everyone else (especially well you know), would that change things? Well that same thought keeps going through my head. I guess what I am trying to say is that being vulnerable for me is very difficult but it doesn't mean I can't be. I guess I have taken so much time protecting myself from getting hurt in relationships that it gets hard for me to let others in. I mean what can I say to express how I truly feel. I always thought and hoped that my actions would speak louder than my words but I guess they don't. I just want to know by saying nothing is everything my fault? Or is it just the opposite? A couple days ago I thought I put myself out there but the more I thought of it, the more I realized I didn't and that could have cost me something I wanted. Time waits for no one including me, although I know this I still continue to play with it. I allow others to make decisions for me instead of saying what I really want to say. But I keeping wondering yet and still would that have made a difference or it all out of my hands? I guess that would mean that I would have to step outside of my box and that scares me. If I had a chance I would defintely do things differently. Unfortunately for me it is to late now but for those of you who have the chance make sure you say how you feel when you feel that way. Don't let anything get in the way of saying how you really feel. You might get hurt sometimes but in the long run you'll be glad you did. ;)