Day 29 → Something you hope to change about yourself. And why.

I once prayed for patience, big mistake, because that is when my patience was put throught the refiner's fire. So I have to be careful what I ask for or what I say I need or what needs to be changed. There are a number of things in my life I am sure need some, a lot, of tweaking. I don't have the time or the patience to divulge them all. But I think the key to most of my flaws and downfalls fall within my lack of willingness to surrender completely to God's will. I believe if I use Him as an example, and follow his instruction and guidance I will be more able to change some of the things that currently bind me. I am a work in progress, but I am hoping for change daily.

Day 28 → What if you were pregnant or got someone pregnant, what would you do?

I would be having a baby with my husband. It would premature to our plans, but definitely a blessing.

Day 27 → What’s the best thing going for you right now?

My new exercise plan and my healthier outlook on life…it's awesome. I am seeing some results from the new exercise plan. It might not be visable to the outside eye, but I am feeling better about it. I commend myself for what I have done so far. My healthier outlook on life comes from me seeing some things in a new light. It comes from understanding that this is my life, and only changes that will happen will come from our (God and I together) doing. I feel like I am able to do more because of this attitude.

Day 26 → Have you ever thought about giving up on life? If so, when and why?

Yes. I was in the 7th grade. Everything just seemed to be going wrong. I was fat, awkward looking...no one was showing interest in me..."everyone" was having sex, with older guys, (and getting pregnant) except me (I thank God I didn't fall into that trap). And plus it's middle school, so the peer pressure was setting in.

My mom found a note I wrote and showed it to my doctor. So my doctor talked to me about it…anywho I got over it. And realized such is life, and I had to deal with it or it would deal with me accordingly.

Honestly, the only thing that stopped my from really going though with it was that 'they' said you wouldn't make it into heaven if you did. So maybe a silly rumor saved my life...

Day 25 → The reason you believe you’re still alive today.

...had it not been for those twins, grace and mercy *shouts* (LOL...I'm a preacher at heart). I am alive for no other reason than God's mercy and grace. He has a purpose for me and I have to do my best to fulfill it. Plain and simple.

Day 24 → Make a playlist to someone, and explain why you chose all the songs. (Just post the titles and artists and letter)

This would take a while. I'll post it a bit later.

Day 23 → Something you wish you had done in your life.

I wish I had been more aggressive with my health and body before college. I think it would have helped in my self confidence and dating, although I did not have too much trouble in that area. I have always been "heavy set," but very active. I wish I had used that more to my advatage. I think it would have made doing it now a lot easier, but I am making moves and strides, so I am thankful.

Day 22 → Something you wish you hadn’t done in your life.

I wish I had not settled down in Huntsville. I kind of hate it...I just wish I had more of a social life (more friends in here on my level) and better job opporunities other than defense contracting. But that's bygones...I am here and I am dealing. At least I am not alone...(except when he's playing video games...blank stare). I'm considering it our 'bonding' time. Pray for me...kidding. :)

Day 21 → (scenario) Your best friend is in a car accident and you two got into a fight an hour before. What do you do?

Um this is totally a 'duh' question...I rush to their aid. I ask the Lord for blessings for their health, life and strength. Actually I claim it with all my might...and I assist in whatever way I can. A true friend is a friend not matter what. Conflicts are a part of life, they come and go.

And honestly, in the end (as cheesy as it may sound) human compassion rules me. Anyone in need, friend or foe, deserves my prayers

Day 20 → Your views on drugs and alcohol.

In large unguided quantities they can destroy people's lives.

Day 19 → What do you think of religion? Or what do you think of politics?

I believe in God more than I believe in religion, but I am a Seventh-day Adventist, born and raised. I have studied for myself and decided this is the right choice for me. I am not lead by religion, but by my relationship with God. I feel like sometimes religion adds structure to that relationship. To most it seems like a hassle, but that is only if you are not willing to truly surrender, which is what God requires the most. OK that's pretty much before I start preaching...lol


I think politics are stupid, and for the most part I hate them. But I definitely don't take what my ancestors did lightly, so I most definitely practice my right to vote. And I choose the lesser of the evils...that's the most I can do.

Day 18 → Your views on gay marriage.

As I Christian I do not condone homosexuality. With that being said I still respect and love those that choose to practice because God hates the sin not the sinner. And sometimes there are extentuating circumstances that can lead down this path. So I don't want to judge everyone the same, plus I have no right to do so.

As an American I believe all tax paying citizens should have the ability to do as they please within their rights as an American citizen. Honestly, I believe that marriage should be between a man and a women, so I think it should be called something else...But I believe they should get the same rights as all of us do, gay or not.

The end.

Day 17 → A book you’ve read that changed your views on something.

Man…where to start…I love, love, love to read, and anytime I get a chance I try too. There are so many things that I read that make me think. I'll stick to this year though, the books that stand out in my mind. This year has been a good year of reading for me. Most of these books I've already written blogs for, so I'll just share the title and provide links to the previous blogs.

No Disrespect by Sister Souljah

The Conversation by Hill Harper

The Ideal Wife by Jaquelin Thomas

Redemption by Jaquelin Thomas

Day 16 → Someone or something you definitely could live without.

I could live without negativity, and the things that daily try to destroy me like lies, hate, deceit, anger and the list goes on. I would much rather live a positive, cloud 9 kind of life if at all possible.

Day 15 → Something or someone you couldn’t live without, because you’ve tried living without it.

I could not live without my faith in God. There are some who don't believe, who scoff at the idea and that is their right, but as for me and my house... I have been so blessed and some days all I can do is credit it all to the Lord. It was not by any doing of mine. I have witnessed miracles that can not be explained logically through science or anything else. I believe that is God just showing out, sometimes He has to do that to get our attention. I am not a fanatic, but I am a HUGE fan and a true believer that He exists. For me there is too much that goes on, on a daily basis that supports this. And in the end just like most science hypothesis it takes faith to believe in Him and His awesome power.

Day 14 → A hero that has let you down.

So I try not to put that much faith into someone (as noted before). Because ultimately I believe we all have our flaws and come short of the glory. I still believe that there is good in a lot of people, but I recognize not every day, week, month or year is a good one.

Honestly, I have never been one to have role models or people I'd admire (hero). There are people I think very highly of, but that is where it stops. I think it is because although people have there high points, most have their low points. And for me to admire or envy them is to take on all of that because circumstances change people. I never know what I would do under new circumstances, they could make me a completely different person.

So I guess, in the end, I'll just settle for being my own hero. :)

Day 13 → A band or artist that has gotten you through some tough days.

Anita!

Girl if you dont know, by now I absolutely love listening to you. Especailly when I am having a moment. I did a tribute to you not long ago, called The Best of...Anita Baker.

I love your music because it's soothes my soul...and it's largely based in reality which is really important to me...lol. And because you make music that reminds of true love, the ups and downs.

Day 12 → Something you never get compliments on.

Something I never get compliments for...well how would I know. My unique way of looking at the world, although I suppose that's cause it not unique *shrug*. I don't get complimented on my advice. I think I give sound, reasonable advice. Sometimes I'm sure my bluntness turns people off, but the truth is the truth. I never get complimented on my bluntness with tact... I don't get complimented on my ability to conform...cause most the time I don't conform. I've tried that adjusting and blending in, but in the end it's just not me. I must march to the beat of my own drum.

This should have been what do you get complimented on that you don't like or that you do like. Well even though 'they' didn't ask I'll tell ya. I hate getting 'complimented' on my massive, manly, toned calves. I don't know how they got that way, but I wish the rest of my body would follow suit...lol. I'm trying to embrace them more, so thanks for the compliments and bear with me. I love compliments about how I dress or the way I carry myself. Always makes me feel like my mom and I did something right. I hate getting compliments on my 'good hair'. It's hair...and either it looks good or bad, screw the texture. I have always and will always hate the 'good and bad hair' debate.(Although I love song about it in Spike Lee's School Daze...makes me giggle....good and bad hair see if I care...). I love shoe compliments, cause I love shoes. I like being complimented on my relationship. :) I like when my husband compliments me. ;)

Oh I almost forgot compliments I love to give....I love telling people how awesome they are. I love telling people why they are special or important to me. I love complimenting other women on their features (yes guys we notice too). I mean if you're gorgeous, you're gorgeous. I love complimenting people on their talents. Honestly I just love complimenting people to see the sheer joy on their face when they receive it.

So the moral of the story is...give a compliment today...give 50.

Day 11 → Something people seem to compliment you the most on

Wow....I just receive so many...kidding...I am honored whenever I receive a compliment. It really makes me realize that people are taking notice even when I am not.

I would probably say my cooking. I hate to toot my own horn, but I am pretty good in the kitchen. I can carve watermelons, make delicious cakes, and soul food that speaks to your 'soul'. And most of it is completely vegetarian.

I am also complimented on my helpfulness. If you invite me to a function I am usually quick to ask if help is needed (my mom taught me it's the polite thing to do). And because of some innate characteristic I have, I stay until the task is complete. If you leave me in a house with a dirty kitchen it will be clean when you get back. I have reorganized and cleaned out people's kitchen cabinets, cleaned pantries, and reorganized office supply closets. I am the personal Thanksgiving cleaning crew. Every Thanksgiving regardless if I cook or just eat...I always clean.

One last one, I reject all the time, my maternal instincts. Everyone is sure I will make a good mother...I'm pretty confident about it too...lol...but not anytime soon. :)

Day 10 → Someone you need to let go, or wish you didn’t know.

I think I've purged a lot this year, simply by living. I've tried my best to get rid of dead weight...and have been somewhat successful as far as I know. But as I mentioned time will tell if this is true or not.

Day 09 → Someone you didn’t want to let go, but just drifted.

I think I am beginning to understand reasons and seasons. A lot of time we dismiss the reasons and try to keep people for more than their season. But time has a way of making you change your view on things. I must admit while I consider myself a good judge of character, I am lousy at choosing friends. I believe it comes from my innate need to want to help. I become friends with someone after I help them. Now before all my 'friends' get all up in arms (well the real ones won't)...I'll say this all my friendships are not all like this, but it took me a while to figure that out.

Anywho...I had a friend, whom I loved dearly. She helped me through a real rough patch in life. After that I figured we'd be friends for a long while. But circumstances changed, and priorities got sifted. She made the decision, in my opinion, about our friendship in her inability to be a good friend and her self-centered actions. I made excuses for her and overlooked her lack of respect for me and our friendship one too many times. I believed I tried many times to mend our friendship with no help, she may disagree and that's ok, but in the end I did what was best for me. I guess in the end you could say it was a straw that broke the camel's back. I just realized the friendship was not benefiting me as it should, so I just walked away. I didn't feel the need to explain myself because a blind man could see what was going on. We had finished our season together, and the time had come to move on.

In the end, I wish her nothing but the best, and maybe our paths will cross again...if not it was fun while it lasted, but I've reached my spot and I'm getting off this friendship train...

Day 08 → Someone who made your life hell, or treated you like (ya know).

Nope...never...I try not to give people that much control over my life. Love started out kicking my butt until I learned to really understand it. I'm still a work in progress, but I'm getting there. Right now I'm beautifully imperfect. ;)

Day 07 - Someone who has made my life worth living

There is only One worthy this. He puts up with me. He's always been by my side. Always forgives me, no matter what. He's never left me from the day I let Him in. He even took on the burden of my sins to save. I owe Him nothing but my life.

Day 06 → Something you hope you never have to do.

I hope to never have to live without God or some form of hope. I hope to always, somehow, someway see the silver lining. I hope to never do anything, but keep growing and getting wise (as I can get). I hope to never...be reaching for anything but contentment.

Day 05 →Something You Hope to do in Life

I hope to be the BEST I can be. Basically I hope to live up to my full potential. I want mediocrity to never be an issue.

Day 04 →Something I have to Forgive Someone For

I try not to hold grudges, plus I'm bad at it because in the back of my mind I know it's the wrong thing to do. Jesus said forgive 70 times 7, and He forgives me so often for messing up. How can I not do the same for someone else? I won't say I am not hurt still by some things, but all is forgiven. I'm just, still, licking my wounds. So with that being said this will be a short blog. All is forgiven because Christ forgave me. And if there is someone that I am neglecting to remember, somehow, I forgive you and all is well. #Amen

Challenge

So I've been wanting to do a blog challenge since Mo started doing them on her blog. Just never knew where she got them from. So she finally shared the goods, and now I am doing my first one. I am 3 days behind, so I will do 3 days in one post and then a post a day from then on…If you want to see what is to come here is the website: http://hope.gr/30-days-of-truth

Day 01 → Something you hate about yourself.

This is actually a hard one. Normally I would say my weight, but these days I have a new attitude, so I'll just refrain from that self hate. I hate sometimes how sensitive I am. I hate that I let little things that people say and what not get to me. It's hard for me to mask my feelings when this happens. I don't mind people being honest, but even still sometimes the truth hurts. Ok enough of the self hate...

Day 02 → Something you love about yourself.

Wow this is even harder than the hate one...lol. But I love my sensibility, willingness to help, and creative side. I love when they mesh together to create something wonderful, and something magically me. In other words, welcome to my world of tricks. ;) Lastly I love that I am searching for contentment to me that speaks volumes. It says I'm ready to be satisfied with the here and now cause all I am guaranteed is the here and now.

Day 03 → Something you have to forgive yourself for.

I have to forgive myself not seizing certain opprotunities and regretting it. Life is such and such is life. I need to embrace it more. I am learning to accept the lessons, so I cab move on to higher heights. I'm spending way too much time not embracing the lesson.

And so there you know that much more about me...