Goodbye Summer, Hello School year

Well the summer has finally come to a screeching halt. I am faced with the reality of a new school year and all the challenges to come. While this may seem like the end of the fun as we know I see it as an extension of the excitement yet to come. Throughout this summer I have gained lessons, friends, and experiences that I will cherish for the rest of my life. I had the opportunity to have an internship with Target (and get a small discount). I met a lot of people and learned a lot of new things that I will use in the new future. I also opened the door to a new and exciting career path. I had the opportunity to rekindle an old friendship. Friendships are like wine they get better with age. You see you never know how important someone is to you until they come back into your life. Sometimes people are only there for a season (a certain period in time) but sometimes they are moved out prematurely. Whatever the case maybe cherish well they're there. I have been so blessed to have had these experiences and many more. With the summer came many possibilities and with the school year will come the same. Good Luck. ;-)

No Regrets

No regrets. Look for my book coming soon. :=)

Wishful Thinking

Okay so I am not the best person when it comes to expressing my feelings but this morning I will try because I have a lot on my mind. I have so many unanswered questions. Have you ever wondered if you would have said more or exposed more would it have been different? I mean if you would have been honest with yourself and everyone else (especially well you know), would that change things? Well that same thought keeps going through my head. I guess what I am trying to say is that being vulnerable for me is very difficult but it doesn't mean I can't be. I guess I have taken so much time protecting myself from getting hurt in relationships that it gets hard for me to let others in. I mean what can I say to express how I truly feel. I always thought and hoped that my actions would speak louder than my words but I guess they don't. I just want to know by saying nothing is everything my fault? Or is it just the opposite? A couple days ago I thought I put myself out there but the more I thought of it, the more I realized I didn't and that could have cost me something I wanted. Time waits for no one including me, although I know this I still continue to play with it. I allow others to make decisions for me instead of saying what I really want to say. But I keeping wondering yet and still would that have made a difference or it all out of my hands? I guess that would mean that I would have to step outside of my box and that scares me. If I had a chance I would defintely do things differently. Unfortunately for me it is to late now but for those of you who have the chance make sure you say how you feel when you feel that way. Don't let anything get in the way of saying how you really feel. You might get hurt sometimes but in the long run you'll be glad you did. ;)

Dynamic Forgiveness

So today at church the pastor talked about Dynamic Forgiveness. One thing that got me is that he said we can't just forgive the person in our heart (of course that is a start) we have to physically tell them if it is possible. Anyway that whole sermon moved me.

Then when I was checking one of my old e-mail addresses I found this. It moved me because I found myself dealing with several of these situations. So here it is:

Have you ever wondered which hurts the most?
Saying something and wishing you hadn't? Or Saying nothing and wishing you had?
I guess the most important things are the hardest things to say.
Don't be afraid to tell someone you love them. If you do, they might break your heart...If you don't, you might break theirs.
Have u ever decided not 2 become a couple because you were so afraid of losing what you already had with that person?
Your heart decides whom it likes and whom it doesn't. You can't tell your heart what to do.
It does it on its own...When you least suspect it, or even when you don't want it to.
Have you ever wanted to love someone with everything you had, but that other person was too afraid to let you?
Too many of us stay walled up because we are too afraid to care too much...For fear that the other person does not care as much, or even at all.
Have you ever denied your feelings for someone because your fear of rejection was too hard to handle?
We tell lies when we are afraid... afraid of what we don't know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us.
But every time we tell a lie, the thing we fear grows stronger. Life is all about risks and it requires you to jump.
Don't be a person who has to look back and wonder what they would have done, or could have had.
* What would you do if every time you fell in love you had to say good-bye?
*What would you do if every time you wanted someone they would never be there?
*What would you do if your best friend died tomorrow and you never got to tell them how you felt? (even if it is that you don't care anymore)
*What would you do if you loved someone more than ever and you couldn't have them?
*What would you do if you never got the chance to say I am friends with all of my family and they know I love them?
*You might be best friends one year, pretty good friends the next year, don't talk that often the next, and don't want to talk at all the year after that. So, I just wanted to say, even if I never talk to you again in my life, you are special to me and you have made a difference in my life. Let old friends know you haven't forgotten them, and tell new friends you never will.

Okay so I know this was long but it says almost everything on my heart I just had to include it. If you are my friend know that I love you and always will. Remember just because love is blind you don't have to be. ;')

Today is a Good Day

The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, and today is going to be a good day. I feel rejuvenated and ready to take on the day. I woke up this morning a bit puzzled but then looked out the window and felt the sun shine down onme and realized everything is going to be okay. So today WILL be a good day. I am going to go to work then I am going to get some curtains and well then I'll see what else the day has in store for me. Life, Sunshine, and a Happy Heart. The simple things in life, those are the things I want: the sunshine, a day to sleep in, good friends, a good sale, being able to help someone, finding a good outfit in a short period of time, a cute pair of shoes, feeling appreciated/accepted for what and who you are, good music, family, and all the things that just make me smile. ;-)

Okay, so why is this so hard?

I keep asking myself why is this so hard?
Maybe it's because of the new terrain
Or maybe it's because it (or maybe you) drive(s) me insane
(I know you liked how that rhymed)
You see this has never been easy for me
And I guess I shouldn't except it to be
I know I said this is like two roads diverged
But it is more like a new beginning
(Confusion and hesitation is a dangerous thing)
It seems like every time I begin to write down what I really feel
I feel I might regret what I reveal
You don't know how scary this is for me
Letting others in to see what I see (there goes the a whole row of bricks)
I keep on telling myself not to reveal to much to soon
I hope this helps your attempt to break down my "brick" wall
I keep thinking when have I said to much, when do I stop, where do I draw the line?
Well I think now is the time
So C'ya -Jailyn ;-)

The words to a song that go along with this literary work are at http://www.seeklyrics.com/lyrics/India-Arie/Interested.html, Interested by India.arie

PS I am CPR and First Aid Certified (Hooray!) And Matthew whatever your ready you can meet me on the tennis court for your "lesson."

"The Road Not Taken"

One of my favorite poems is "The Road Not Taken" by Robert Frost. For those of you not familiar with this poem you can read it at http://www.bartleby.com/119/1.html. Frost is stuck in a dilemma because he must choose the path best for him. Both of the roads look just about the same except for the fact that one is more worn than the other. This tells Frost that one was more traveled than the other. After weighing his options Frost chooses the one less traveled and says "and that has made all the difference." Why did Frost chose the path less traveled? I mean maybe the path traveled by many could have has the same effect on his life. Why is he sorry he could not travel both? Why does he say it with a sigh?

My friend asked me the "million dollar question" today. She asked me a question everyone had just been assuming the answer to. After she asked the question I realized I was in the same dilemma Frost was in, in his poem. I am at the division of two roads. I have already traveled one and the other I have not. I am not sure if I want to travel the same road again for fear that it might lead me back to the same place. So then it would seem simple then, chose the one you never traveled before. But what if the one I am familiar with has taken on new scenery and a surprising twist? Maybe when I traveled the road the first time I was not adequately prepared? The other road I have not traveled presents itself with new opportunities but I only be taking it to get away from the first road. What if they both lead to the same destiny ?

Whatever road I chose I'll make sure that will make all the difference. ;-)

Likes and Dislikes about myself

In 7th grade during my creative writing class my teacher asked us to write about likes and dislikes about ourselves. Well of course in 7th grade this what I had to say:

"I for the most part like everything about myself. I dislike my hair and my feet. My feet are to big and my hair is to short. I really like my personality and state of mind. I like my personality because I try to be kind whenever I can. My state of mind is trying to always be in a pleasant yet funny state of mind so that I won't get bored but have things I to laugh about. God didn't make me perfect, but I'm satisfied."

Please excuse the grammatical errors. But other than that I thought it was summed up in the end pretty well. If only that were true today. I mean how often are we trying to change something about ourselves and others? Reading this made me think if now all I was worried about was short hair and big feet I would be ecstatic. But even though I have a lot more to worry about, I can still find contentment in my life right now. And that is why I am still not perfect but satisfied. ;-0

To my "Brothas"

This song is by Angie Stone. It expresses how important the black male is to society and its female counterparts. I love it because it reaches to the very essence of the black male. ;-D

(Verse 1)He is my King, He is my one
Yes he's my father, Yes he's my son
I can talk to him, cuz he understands everything I go through and everything I am
He's my support system, I can't live without him
The best thing since sliced bread, Is his kiss, his hugs, his lips, his touch
And I just want the whole world to know, about my..

(Chorus)Black Brotha, I love ya, I will never - try to hurt ya I want ya, to know that, I'm here for you - forever true cuz youre my Black Brotha, strong brotha, there is no - one above ya I want ya, to know that, I'm here for you - forever true

(Verse 2)He's misunderstood, some say that he's up to no good around the neighborhood
But fo' your information - a lot of my brothers got education (now check it)
You got ya wallstreet brotha, ya blue collar brotha,
Your down for whatever chillin on the corner brother
A talented brotha, and to everyone of yall behind barsYou know that Angie loves ya

(Bridge)You mean so much to me, you give me what I need, I'm so proud of you (I said I'm so proud of you)I love you for stayin strong, you got it goin on I'm so proud of you
Going through thick and thin, brothas you gonna win I'm so proud of you
Whenever you facin doubt, brothas gon work it out I'm so proud of you (I got unshakable faith in ya)

"On the real" #6

Okay so I am less than a week away from starting school. I have mixed emotions about the whole thing. On one hand I am ready to see my friends and be able to hang out with them and on the other hand I am not ready for the burden of classes again (you know studying and tests). But life goes on and so I have to follow it.

My relationships this summer have really blossomed. I have also learned new things about myself through others people perspectives (Thanks, you know who you are). I have also learned a lot of life lessons this summer. This summer has made me more aggressive a far as my approach to certain things. And also more appreciative of things (mostly intangible) I have.

All in all the summer has been pretty productive and hopefully the school year will bring the same possibilities. :-P

F.A.T. Chance

For those you who are movie buffs and big Mo'Nique fans I am sure you have seen her new reality show. This show was meant to represent the Fabulous And Thick (F.A.T.) ladies of the nation. This show made me realize that there are really people who struggle with their weight in every aspect of their life. They can allow their weight to hinder them from doing things that only "skinny people" can do ( a lot of the women on the show dispelled that issue very quickly).

In the show Mo'Nique stated that the average American women is a size 14 but the average supermodel is usually about a size 4 or less. Why? Stores like Express and The Limited only carry sizes 12 and smaller. Why? I would like to blame all the insecurities of these plus size women on the media and what they portray on television/movies but that would not be right. You see that may be a large part of it but it goes deeper than that. It is a vicious ongoing cycle that has spiraled out of control.

In America's Next Top Model, a model by the name of Toccara (now on Celebrity Fit Club 2) was the first plus size model one the show. She gave the other smaller framed women a run for their money. She allowed herself to break beyond the stereotypical barrier and venture out into the open. She might have not become America's Next Top Model but she made one giant step for the "real women" all over the world.

Until women like Mo'Nique and Toccara came along these women were lost but now they see they can have a voice and shake what there mama gave them (even if it is a bit extra). I mean why not, they are not invisible so they might as well make it work for the best.
"If you can't love yourself it is going to be hard for someone else to." -Jailyn :-D

Instant Gratification or Delayed Reaction

I am some one who likes things to happen now. This can really be a challenge when it comes to having patience. I have learned though to channel that need for instant gratification into a learning experience. I have learned that things don't always work in your favor and the best things in life are sometimes the things that are the hardest to obtain. I have learned that waiting sometimes makes the victory just a bit sweeter. There is a time and place for everything and that has been a lesson I have had to learn over and over again.

Instant gratification can sometimes also play into my imagination. I have the tendency to sometimes let my imagination get the best of me. To some people this may not seem like a big issue but in my case it is. You see when that happens I can sometimes throw cautiousness to the wind. This allows my emotions to come in and engulf what sense of reason I might have. It makes it hard for me to make a rational decision because there is so much emotion involved.

This is when delayed reaction is needed. This is when I remind myself of the consequences or cost of jumping ahead of the gun. Most times that is enough to get me back on track but there are times when that doesn't even tip the bucket. Sometimes that is just the push I need to keep me on track and remind me that life doesn't wait for me. It helps me realize that instant gratification and delayed reactions mean nothing if you have done nothing.

Throwing caution to the wind and allowing your heart to lead may not always put you in a comfortable position but it gives you a heck of a thrill on the roller coaster of life. 8-)

Rising to the Occasion

Should I have to lower my standards to because I can find anyone on my level? There are so many people who do this just because they have this fear of being alone. Or they think there standards are to high. Whose to say my standards are to high? Does this mean settling because I have to and not because I want to? What's the point? Who is really losing? I am.

I have reached a new plateau in my life, where I just can't be bother with those who don't have my best interest at hand (or for that matter their best interest at hand). I don't mean to sound "uppity" but I mean who wants to settle for something they might not even like enough to keep? I know exactly what I'm worth and others should too (and they should respect me enough to try to keep within those standards).

I have taken the time to be all that I can be as person, why can't I ask for the same out of someone else? If I'm going to have to spend my time and energy with that person, I should be able to at least get what I want. Don't get me wrong I am not saying that I follow my list to a T. What I am saying is I realize what I can get and I go after it. And if I had a ten once I can have a ten again. I don't settle for an eight just because I think that's all I can get. Or that is all that is available right now.

Remember you set the standard(s) to be reached, never settle because you are only cheating yourself. ;-3

"My Heart Rest in Sorrow"

This is a poem I wrote September 23, 2001. I think that it is one of my best works. I wrote it while closing a chapter in the book of my life. So here it goes:

My Heart Rest in Sorrow

To hear the things I wanted to hear

To see the things I wanted to see

To know the things I wanted to know

My heart rest in sorrow

To give the things so precious to me

To take the things rightfully mine

To let you hold to let you borrow

My heart rest in sorrow

To see things in a new light

To feel the things never felt before

To be able to live differently tomorrow

My heart rest in sorrow

I am a poet and I know it! :-P

Dreams: The Key to your Heart

When you go to sleep at night your mind tends to wonder. Often before you drift into a full sleep your thoughts can tend to drift across the day. Well I was just thinking the other day about how powerful and meaningful dreams can be. I mean when I go to sleep everything is out of my hands. Sometimes I have these dreams that are so far fetched, I wonder where my mind is or was. Just think the things that you have your dreams about have to be somehere in the back of your mind. Some of the very things that I have wanted have come to life through my dreams. Sometimes I wish I could live in my dreams I guess the only problem would be that I would never be able to get out and then it would mean that my dreams are reality and then what would reality be, a dream? (ha ha, I am so deep). But anyway this subject sparked my interest the other day when I had a dream. The dream sparked my interest because of what it was about. In the dream things were said that I never really thought were that important at all, but then all of a sudden it seemed real important. A lot of things about you can come out in your dreams. Your dreams can sometimes even predict your daily mood. Just think about the last time you had a good dream you woke up happy. And what about those dreams that you know were important but you can't seem to remember them. Those dreams are probably things that could happen but you don't need to know about just yet. They are like a preview of what is to come. There are good and bad things about dreams like: they don't always come, you can wake up before they finish, sometimes they do come true, and sometimes they can expose your true feelings. Whatever the case may be sleep just wouldn't be as sweet without dreams. Sweet Dreams. ;-]