Let it Flow...Let it Go

The semester is FINALLY over!!! I am so excited. Anyway I finished all my finals on Monday and I took today to relax by going to the movies. I saw Akeelah and The Bee and Phat Girlz (this movie is not for everyone). Anyway I enjoyed myself.

So this semester in a nutshell has been crazy and very unpreditable. I think I liked it. Many trying times but they all taught me something different and I appreciate them for that. Hoping for all A's (I don't know if I really deserve them in all my classes).

I believe the summer holds big things! Last year around this time I was a bit apprehensive about my summer and it brought so many things. That has gotten me excited about this summer. This is my (our) year (that includes the summer) so I'm (we should) definitely ready. I have learned to let the things I can control flow ;-D and the things I can not control go {-_-}. Let's Go!!!

Positive People

So right now everyone is feeling the crunch of only 10 more days of school left. Attitudes are high and tension is slowing building. I am starting to realize the way I deal with stress is different than how most people deal with it. I have realized that trials and tribulations come and go but don't let them overtake you. Anything and everything will stress you out if you let it. A lot people tend to hold on to their problems and feed into them until the problem starts to grow and become bigger than it was orignially. Why not leave it in the hands of the Lord (*hint*hint*)? School will still be here and so will life. Life is too short to worry so much. And you made it too far in school to not make it now.

Perhaps this is a personal problem but right now I just feel like I don't have a lot of positive people in my life. A lot of people I hang around are beginning to (I'll just leave it blank) me. I mean they are constantly dwelling on their problems. How do you rise above if you are constantly wallowing in self-pity? "Woe is me" seems to be the theme is the day. You're living, you're in school, you're passing all your classes (and you will pass all your classes, CLAIM IT!). I realize people need encouragement but I can only help those who want to be helped. If you are fine just the way you are then I can't help you. Remember your attitude not only affects you but the people around you.You could have been someone's smile for the day but you were so busy worrying about things that usually not in your control (Just do your best and God will do the rest).

"Attitude determines altitude" You are what you think you are. ;-D

Birthdays and Gifts

So I want to first thank everyone who made my birthday great!

Next I want to say thank you to my understanding friends. When you have friends who just get you it makes life a bit easier to a handle.

Prize for person (s) to vent to: Melanie Monette, Antonaya Kelly, Lianna Wimberley

Also the top prize for the night for a gift goes to: Jacquece Moss

Prize for best "future omen" (I am claiming it girl!): Krystle Alleyne

Person (s) who remembered when I thought they would forget: Lolita Langford, Princess Jones, Michael Lumbard, Desmond and Andre Lymon (my cousins)

SURPRISE phone call from foreign country: Raquel Everett

Person who made it most memorable (God spared me!): Matthew Nicholson

Surprise dinner guest: Brandon Howard

Time spent with friends: PRICELESS

Anyway I had fun tonight despite everything (and yes I did cry). At first I must admit it was going okay, then it got bad, then worst and then GREAT! I realized that everything is what you make it. I went to the mall, then to Fridays, and then to the Jazz Factory (and the park). Most importantly I looked cute, so I couldn't let that all go to waste.

So I'm 21, old enought to drink, enter any contest I want to, and get that little under 21 bar taken from off my license. What next? I don't know but I sure looking forward to doing it at 21. ;-D

Birthday Wishes

So people have been asking me this week what I want for my birthday. Well the truth is I don't know. I have been so blessed this year and most of things I want are either intangible (some "group" or "someone") or very expensive so I have to get them myself (laptop and camcorder). I would really like to spend time with some of my friends (I was not kidding when I said that the other day). Of course I like shoes too and I would love to go shoe shopping. A nice dinner with Daquriri's included (dessert FIRST!). And for some reason I don't know why I want a dozen roses (this is a first I hate flowers because they just die). Oh and if anyone out there could get in touch with Boyz II Men (I love them) I would like them for my birthday too. Anyway I just want a wonderful birthday and my true wish will come true. I just don't know I am turning 21 what do you ask for? I have all that I truly need (of course I can always think of things that I want). But beside that God has been good and He has seen fit for me to hit another birthday and that is a granted wish all in itself.

Birthdays are the keys to life. -Jailyn ;-D

Public Announcement

So for the first time in my life I read my poems out loud in a public setting. My creative writing class had to do a poetry reading in Blake Center as part of our final. One of my poems I read in class because it was an assignment. The other one was just a random poem written by me for... Anyway hope you enjoy (if not oh...well).

The first poem was a free verse. "Let the chips fall where they may."

THOUGHTS
Silence…
Alone with my thoughts
Back and forth they go,
Fighting for a bit of attention
And finally they stop
….On you
Your smile, your style
You’re just being…you.
Always thought you were
The one for me
Always thought we would be
But…
Interrupted by another thought
Remember the time you…
Or do you remember…
Caught off guard again
By the thoughts of…me and you
Together…Apart…
Wait…here comes another one
Thoughts haunt me…in the silence
They torture me, repeatedly
As I close my eyes the thoughts
Become subdued…once again
It is silent…
And here I am alone with my thoughts.


The second poem was a cinquain.

Wishing…
Love lost:
looking like new,
dressed up but feeling blue.
Wishing for a love that once was
(lovesick)?


Anyway I just wanted to share this moment in time with everyone. Nite. Nite. :-D

Never Say Never

There are certain things in life that I am almost sure about. I will never be able to relive any years gone by or decide the sex of my child (I couldn't think of anything else for right now). These are things I am defintely sure about, of course when it comes to other things I am not as clear. There are things that I know are things that I am not likely to do but that doesn't mean I will never do them. Well to make a long blog short, recently I have realized my words have come back to haunt me. There are things I said I would never do that I am now doing. Why? Because I have changed and grown into a person that is a distant memory of my former self. I can constantly see myself improving. From junior year in high school to junior year in college. The change is definitely noticeable. I want others to see the change because it is for the better. I am slowly starting to eat the words (for lack of a better term) I once said. When you are allowing God to come in and work on you then you can never say never because it is not in God's vocabulary.

Well anyway I am tired and I will write lateer, peace. ;-)

Eyes Wide Shut

Never judge a book by its cover.

And always look deeper, things aren't always what they seem to be.

Have a WONDERFUL night.

It's a Boy!

It's a boy! 7lbs and 6oz, 20in. He has a had full of hair. He is so calm (so unlike his mother). Anyway new life, it's like a breathe of fresh air (BREATHE!).

What did I sign up for?

It's amazing that you never know exactly what your signing up for when you get a job. I mean you can always get the general description of what to expect but you never know until you start what the job exactly entails. You start and them , WHAM! they lay it on you. I guess I never knew what to expect when I became an RA. Well, I have certainly gotten my share of it. I have become a bodyguard, referee, counselor (this one I don't mind), personal secreatary and the list goes on. I don't know how much more of this I can take. I am trying to juggle school and this RA thing, it's just not cutting it. But thank God for the twins or else I would have pulled my hair out. What can I say, my cup is full (it's running over).

Anyway I won't be stressed because summer is almost here and then I'll have new headaches to work out. Just keep on keeping on.

We're almost there plus this is our year so beware good things are ahead. Keep smiling, it contagious! :-D

Forgiveness and Forgetfulness

Why is it so hard for us to forgive? Why is it even harder for us to forget? I have had to learn the hard way about forgiveness and forgetfulness. I can sometimes forgive but it is hard to forget. Why? Because we don't want the same thing to happen twice or because we have truly yet to forgive. We say that we are fine with what has happened but we keep bringing it up or we base our dealings on that certain situation. When you truly forgive you will be able to really move one. Now granted you most likely will never forget but you will certainly be able to get over it and on with it. Life is too short to hold on to grudges or petty things that you can't even remember the next day. You basically harvest all these emotions inside and they are just there being bottled up. The person is usually not worried about anything. So in short your stressed and their not. Although I have yet to fully master this technique I am working on it.

Forgive/Forget! Whatever the case maybe free your soul and mind from the stress you harbor of worrying about something that only happened to teach you a lesson. Live, learn, and forgive.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SPUDNIK (aka Matthew)! Hope its filled with joy and cheer! I am such a Hallmark card. ;-)

"Bridling your...mind"

Guarding the avenues of your mind is very important. I don’t know how many of you remember the song, “oh be careful little eyes what you see…oh be careful little ears what you hear…” Anyway this song comes to mind after thinking about a conversation I had earlier in the library. While I was outside of class taking a breather I ran into this guy (we’re more than associates maybe less than friends). Well I started talking to him about different things and we got on the subject of listening to what other say (gossip). He was basically saying that he will listen to gossip but it stops at him because he doesn’t tell anyone else. Does that mean you don’t gossip?

What constitutes gossip? Is it only gossip when it is not true?

In my opinion gossip is anything that has nothing to do with you and it not of vital importance to you. If it is not about you then just leave it alone. Well in trying to convince him that he can always walk away from the conversation, I realized I am just as guilty. I will listen to things being said about people and do nothing. If you think by just listening no harm is done consider this: “By beholding you become changed.” You don’t have to even engage in the conversation to be changed. I guess it goes back to the old saying, “you are what you eat.” You are what you say to or what listen too.

Knowledge is power, and we could all use some power. {*L*}

Grow, GROWing, GROWTH

I never thought I would be this grown. I mean sometimes I say things or do things that remind me that I am growing up. It is sometimes looking from the outside in. When you are young you think the transformation into adulthood is a fast and rapid transition. But then you grow up and realize it isn't. You make mistakes and learn lessons, then you grow. You are constantly growing. I have realized while I was off trying to perfect the "game" of life I was growing. I have began to accept the things I can't change and well, change the things that I can. I will never reach perfection and frankly I am not trying too. I do know for a fact that I am beginning to see the change and I like it. I am not always fully honest with myself but I am learning to be. I am slowly learning to live life without regrets. Life is hard enough by itself and being able to focus on the present. My growth is not complete but I do know that it is happening. As scary as it is I want it to continue. Take a moment and think about what you learned today alone. I am sure that you might surprise yourself. Take a moment and reflect on what major events have taken place in the past year or the will happen. You have taken some small steps and made some major strides. You live, learn, and then...

"Life happens while your busy making plans" -John Lennon :-)

Dreams do Come True...

My dream on Monday kind of came true. It is not completely fulfilled but...I'm hopeful.

Sweet Dreams

I was listening to Kelly Rowland today and there is a song on her album that I love. But not until today have I understood the words so clearly. It was almost like I was telling her what to say. Anyway it made me realize that it is time for me to get off my high horse and tell the truth. Boy...that was hard.

I had a dream that just warmed my heart. I would give a lot to make it come true but here is the thing about certain dreams. They are usually the deep longings in your heart (except for the weird ones, that come after you eat to late). In your sleep you have no control over the thoughts your mind produces. So basically these are almost just random thoughts that come together at one time in your head. Anyway my dream helped me realize that there is more to everything that meets the eye. So in my dream I was on a bench and a friend stopped by to drop off a gift for me. I looked inside the gift and it was ...well that is not important. I said all this to say...you are what you think. So...sweet dreams!

(Oh yeah you know what else makes my dreams great, I usually dream in COLOR) ;-)

ONLY THOUGHTS OF LOVE

I rarely say, "I love you."
But, if I did…
IF I were the type
Inclined to such emotional eruptions
And vocal expression. . .
What would I say to you?
I would probably say
It’s been a long time since I’ve been in love
Or since I even thought I loved.
So long, in fact,
I’m not sure I know what love is, anymore--
Or if I ever really knew.
But, if I even thought I loved someone,
I think it would be you.

--NancySue Krenrich Hamm

What would we do without love? or the people who loved us...despite (whatever)? =)

All I want is...

Okay good news first I registered for my first semester of SENIOR year today!

So what do I want? I want what God wants for me. I can pick and chose all I want but He knows what is best. I have come to the realization that if I want the best I have to wait on Him. I have to let go of all my options and all other reservations and allow Him to come in and take control. It gets scary because you don't want Him to mess up your plan and then you realize...it's NOT about you. Okay so here is some insight into my next short story for all my readers. Once upon a time I had a friend, a really good friend, who I knew God had brought into my life. Why? because I asked Him for this friend. Well in an attempt to hold on to that friend I started to lose my relationship with the Lord. He brought me up and He broke me down. Unbeknownst to me that friend would return but not before I learned my lesson. I guess when God tells you He wants to be first in your life He means it. He is not going to force you but He will give you a the push you need. God is alpha and omega, beginning and end. He was there when it first began and He'll be there after it ends. So this is kind of the jest of my third short story (of course it has more twists and turns), it is called A Shadow of a Woman. If you haven't read the first and second stories you need to get on the ball.

Wow I can't believe this is me talking, I am really "growing" up. Oh by the way I would like to take the time to thank all the people who have made me accept certain things in life that I need to change or keep the same. I know I get angry sometimes when you tell me but that is what I need to hear and it is what true friends are for. Love you guys from the bottom of my heart (and I really mean it!). ;-D

So much to say...

yet not enough words. "Words just can't express, what I feel inside my chest."

Can I Breathe?

It seems like to me since the beginning of this semester everytime I turn around it's something new. Here we are again in that old familiar place, back to square one. Everytime I release one demon another one comes along. I have to be honest with you today I was really ready to move off campus and just finish the semester in my own apartment. The emotional stress of this semester has just taken its toll on me. Well tonight I went to a "Sisters in the Spirit" meeting and what a difference it made in my life. "Sisters in the Spirit" is a group of girls from TX, FL, MD, and now GA since Krystle and I were there. We came together just to have testimonies and prayer. There is so much going on around us that we don't even realize. I have a lot of things to complain about but I have a lot more to be thankful for. We focus so much on our own problems that we become numb to the fact that others are hurting around us. As I sat and listened to those girls talk and cry my problems began to diminish in importance. I am not saying that they are not problems and they haven't strained me but I have so much to be thankful for. I mean despite everything God has sustained me and I have no doubt in my mind that He will continue to do just that if I am faithful. He has brought me too far for me to turn back now.

Sexy Ambitious Ladies Succeeding Always (S.A.L.S.A)

Flowers in the Valley

Rainy days and Mondays always get me down...good thing it's Wednesday and sunny outside.

Showers of Blessings:
I got to wash and vacuum my car today in the beatutiful sunshine. A friend of mine wrote me the nicest e-mail today, it made me night (thanks, Spudnik!). I got like 3/5 on a quiz but I was happy because it was partially right and I thought I didn't know any of it. That is the greatest to think you failed and learn that you didn't. My last class of the day was canceled (well sort of, we all just walked out after 15 minutes). Today was one of those "flowers in the valley" days. Hey guys, Krystle, Kell, Melanie, Matt, Javario, and who ever else reads this. :-D

What I did today

Today I:

- understood something in Finance (and I can do it over by myself)
- drove just to listen to the music
- made plans for the future
- outsmarted authority
- wrote Thank You notes (they were long overdue)
- enjoyed the sunshine
- I moved ahead on an assignment

I conquered today and I feel like that in itself is a great accomplishment. I made a vow to myself a long time ago to make every minute in the day count and for the past few weeks I haven't been feeling like I was doing that. I felt like I was letting myself down so I decided to do an experiment and so far so good. When the minutes in the day count, everything else just seems to flow. Make the most of your next minute, hour, day, month, year, etc. ;-)

Day 5, 6, and 7

Day 5
-Lunch with friends at California Pizza
-Concert at Faith something church (it was pretty good, funny too!)
-Good food, good conversation, good friends

Day 6
-Made it to Sabbath school (by myself)
-Heard a wondeful sermon (great job, Pastor Winston!)
-Dinner with friends and family
-Night out on the town with the girls

Day 7
-Help with sister's birthday tea party
-Drive back to Huntsville with friends

Ten cheers for Spring Break. Postive thoughts bring about positive change. I had a blast this spring break because I wanted to. The Lord blessed and that was that.

Day 3 and Day 4

Day 3

-Rock City, the views were beautiful if you have a chance go visit a natural reserve or something like that
-Warehouse Row, an outlet center (I love to shop, I am gonna dedicate a blog to shopping one day). It wasn't that big but I bought 2 Coach purses and some shirts from Tommy Hilfiger. All in all a day not wasted.
-Movie (at home, it's been a long time since I did that)

Day 4
-Spa, a full body deep tissue message (Need I say more)
-brief trip to the mall (bought nothing!)
-Barnes and Noble (I could spend hours in there and lots of money too)

Three cheers for Spring Break so far!

Candace, Danielle, and Krystle are on their way here. Oh Jacquece is already here. Boy-O-Boy, what will we get in to?

Day 2

Relax. Relate. Release.

Relentless Pursuit

Have you ever noticed how the Lord never gives up on you? Or how when you do something wrong He never condemns you? He is constantly pursuing a person who just seems to keep on running away. This was such an amazing concept to me because I know how stubborn I can be sometimes. The theme of our spring week of prayer was Relentless Pursuit. It basically focused on how God runs after us even when we are running in the opposite direction. Even when I give up on myself He won't give up on me. And when He finally catches up with me, He won't condemn me for my shortcomings and faults. He wants what is best for me. Recently I know that He has been the one who has kept me going. When everything else in my life seems to let my down, He is right there. Like my one of my favorite quote says "If God seems far, who moved?" God has not and will not forget His promises. He made them for us and that is all the more reason to cherish them. My, my , my...What a God!

So today is my first official day of spring break. And...well let's just say it's no Cancun trip. The truth is I actually feel a bit relieved to be doing absolutely nothing for spring break. I have no set schedule and I can come and go as I please. Of course it did get a bit rocky today but I will not focus on the negative. I have decided this spring break will be a good spring break no matter where I am or who I am with. Postive attitude breeds positive results.

"Catch the vision" -Jailyn ;-)

Dr. Mom, Domestic Goddess, Renissance Woman

So it's 4:39 in the morning. I was suppose to leave to go to Atlanta today but that is not happening. I want to relax a bit then I will leave. I was suppose to do my taxes with a friend and then he said he was tired, wanted to eat and go to sleep. I never want to keep people from getting there rest so I just decided to do it later.

Well I decided maybe I should go to bed too. Well I hit the bed at about 9:00 and woke up at 11:28 to do room check. Guess what, there was no room check, the girls were suppose to sign in. So I decided to go back to sleep, good right? Well my friend wanted to use my flat iron so she came in my room to use it at 1:15 and that kept me up a bit. After she finished my girls bum-rushed my room and started bothering me. They finally left me alone after about 15 minutes, by then it was 2:45. What seemed like minutes later but was really about an hour later I heard banging on my door. One of my girls was throwing up and felt really bad. Well I ended up staying up with her until about 4:15. (I am not really sleepy now but I know that it will eventually catch up with me.)

This got me to thinking...being a mom is such a huge responsiblity. Well I already knew that but this just bought it home. I mean they work, take care of children, they cook and clean...well at least my mother did (does). And she passed on some wonderful traits to me. I was glad that I could be of assistance tonight. And tonight I was geniunely concerned and really wanted her to get better; I didn't want to leave until she felt better. This is only a portion of how mothers feel when their children get sick.

Wow...Dr. Mom, Domestic Goddess, Reniassance Woman...Mom! Tell her you love and appreciate her today.

The Power of Music

I love music! I especially music from the early 90s. Music can say whatever you are trying to say in any way you are trying to say it. Music bridges the gap between everything you want to say to the things you dare not mention. A lot of times what I feel comes out through the music I am listening too. Like today it was sunny and I was happy that Spring Break is almost here. I wanted some music that had a hype beat (that made me want to get up and dance) so I turned on Kelly Price (Priceless). I also listened to the radio a bit which was playing a good selection for today (lots of old school 90s, Tevin Campbell!). The other day I was thinking really hard about something and I got in the car and turned on the radio. It was like the song was just for me. It made the rest of my day a bit smoother.

Music can calm my spirit, arouse my emotions, and say what I need to hear. So remember whatever the case may be music is powerful!

I guess I am sort of at a lost for words but I really want to be honest with myself and others; sometimes that is easier said than done.

Well first things first when they said "to each his (her) own" it is very true. I talked to a friend and when she said some things that seemed a bit negative to me about my situation I was a bit taken aback. At first I wanted to be defensive but then later I started to understand. I wanted her to make me feel better about my situation and she couldn't do that. "To each his (her) own" this statement to me means we will all make our own mistakes and decisions. No one can tell us what lesson to learn or make us the learn the lesson sooner.

Next I am tired but I won't give up the fight. I don't know what it is but I just can't give up. I have never fought for something so hard in my life. It seems like no matter how I get hurt I still manage to get up and fight. The strange thing is that it seems like everytime I get tired and really want to throw in the towel something/someone justs keeps pushing me. I have always been a firm believer in letting go but I don't why this is so different. Oh well..."to each his (her) own".

Until next time...

Bedtime Prayer

Dear Heavenly Father,

Thank you so much for today, the sunshine and the cold weather. Thank you watching over me and keeping me. Thank you for my family and my friends. Lord please be with my family(Grandma, grandpa, nita, monica, carissa, aaron, aaron II, austin, shanell, gilford, melanie, sandria, sherri, jimmy, uncle james, kayla, aunt peggy, tony, silvia, buddy, alana, chameka (baby), keith, caleb, latoya, lorenzo, lauren, mariah, shaun, crush, pam, scil, desi, oliver, starr, mom, dad, cicily, tyler, phillip, cameron, aunt valerie, aunt barbara, desmond, andre, aunt renee, austin, jaren, candace, aunt tereasa, clay, lynae, aunt darlene, aunt clarnell, uncle herbon, herbon, elise, mama everett, grandma guiles) and friends (danielle, krystle, kell, mellena, michele, melanie, naya, kristyn, matt, candace, morgan, deanna, abdulla, jacquece, vancia, jen, nicki, tiffany, keisha, tisha, kathryn, chris, jason, micheal, julius, chris r., drake, lauren, laurie, tasha, alina, ericka, anthea) in a special way. Help them in their relationship with you and others. Be with those who are sick and those who lost loved ones. Give them a sense of peace and just be with them in a special way. Continue to be with all those who are dealing with many trials and tribulations. Be with me. Help me to be diligent and help me to do what is pleasing to you. Help me to be more like you. Help me to make the right decisions. Help my steadfastness and help me to be tenacious. And the things I fail to ask, fail not to grant them. And as always thank you for just taking the time to listen to me. I love you with all my heart. Amen

A rock and a hard place

Okay so I am caught between a rock and a hard place. I really want to make some decisions in my life. But I feel like right now maybe not be the time. It’s like I am no longer confused but now I am…well…I don’t know. Innocent, blissfully hopeful that someday I will understand myself. Anyway I guess what I am trying to say is that…life it confusing enough by itself. When you add everything else into it, it just gets more complicated. For some people it’s easy to walk away from a situation and not look back. For others this can tend to be a bit harder. So when do I know if I hold on or let go. When do I decide if it is worth the fight? At first I am ready to just let go because that is my first instinct, survival. I am thinking if I let go now then it will be easier to deal with in the long run, right? Well the next thing I know I get this surge of confidence and decide it is best to hold on. Perhaps I see things that others don’t see right now. And I look at others and see them as great examples (of course you will make you own example eventually out of yourself). You are ultimately your greatest example. But finally after much thought and consideration I have decided that…

PS This has nothing to do with a relationship or anything of that sort

It's 3:27 AM and I am still up, I need a vacation. It doesn't even have to be far, I just need one.

To the one(s)? I love

To the one(s)? I love,

I love you just the way you are. I accept you with all your faults and I appreciate you for accepting me with mine. I cherish you because you make me smile or laugh at loud when everything else seems to not go my way. Your name alone sends chills up and down my spine. I love you because I KNOW your mine. With you I can be myself, I never feel forced to be or do something I don't want too. You make me feel comfortable (a thing not most people can do). You laugh at my jokes. Your smile is contagious. Your touch is invigorating. Your intelligence is stimulating. Even the times you make me so mad I could scream (and believe me I do) I still want to be around you. You read my like a book not judging me for my cover alone. You know so much yet there is so much more to uncover. I love you just because you're YOU (and that is the best you can be)!

Happy Valentine's Day

"Looks like clear skies..."

So the sun has shined three days in a row. Those days might have not been the best days but they were a bit better because of the sun. Monday it rained. It reminded me of that song that says, "rainy days and Mondays always get me down." I am no meterologist but it just amazes me how much the weather can have an influence you and your mood. I love the sun shine it just brightens up my day.
Lately I have started a routine of walking/jogging every night. Well last tonight I just did that. But something was different, my friend even said that she didn't think it was safe to walk at night but I disagreed and journeyed on. Well I put on my MP3 player just like always, on my way down a dark hill I saw someone dressed in all black (with a cape and everything) appear a couple yards away. Needless to say I was a bit frightened but I just said a quick prayer a hurried along. Even though that happened I was still able to finish my nightly routine. It just made me realize, I am not invincible (no matter how much I think I am). But honestly I am just glad to be alive.
This year is the year of renewnal and I want to do just that. I want to renew my spirit and try to be as positive as I can. Life is not exactly like I want it but it could be worse, so I am thankful. Thankful for safety, rain, and sun shine. :-D

So...

I’m Ready By Tevin Campbell or Ain’t Gonna Beg By Fantasia

I Finally Know By Boyz II Men (my favorite) or Halfcrazy By Musiq

"On the Real"

Okay well I have not written in a while. Why? Because I just don't know what is going on in my mind (or life) right. I mean it's nothing negative or positive I guess it's just life, it happens that way sometimes. Right now I am feeling very nonchalant about school, people and just life in general. I don't know what I am feeling, I just kinda feel numb right now. I feel like crying or shouting or showing some kind of emotion but I just can't. It's like I have been temporarily turned into something like a robot (non-feeling). Oh well...this too shall pass.

Why do we make things so hard for ourselves? I know exactly what I want (or at least I thought I did). Even though I am not completely sure now I still wouldn't mind giving "it" a chance. I mean what do I have to lose? Nothing. Because I feel as though I have already lost by not trying. I have realized that I must write my own story. The only thing I fear is once this trimuph feeling is gone, the one that lead me to be so honest with myself, despair will set in. And like the Arthea Franklin song says "It Hurts Like Hell."

Now that I am writing this blog I can feel the emotion taking over. Okay so here's the deal I always set myself to think the worst so when it comes I am not as surprised. I know we should live each day like it's our last so we have no regrets (yada yada). Okay but right now I don't feel that way. I feel like demanding answers and making people listen. To put it in a netshell I feel helpless and that is the worst feeling in the world.

I know this sounds really depressing but I don't I mean for it to come out that way. I will be fine I think it's just the school's back in session blues. I don't like to write angry blogs or emotional blogs but sometimes it's good to vent so their it is. "Expression: Letting it all out" -Jailyn :-D

Tick, tock

Tick tock goes the little clock. And then it stops. BTW A word of advice from Nike "Just Do It" because usually the exception is greater than the reality. (Thanks Kylie!)

Be encouraged

Right now I am just feeling broken. For me the beginning of the semester just hasn't started off in the best way. I mean from switching rooms to classes. I guess this has just been a week of adjustment. I want so much to just give up and give in but that is just not my personality. So much has happened in this one week I can't even begin to explain. But the best thing that I have found is to just keep going. I mean people will stress you out if you allow them too. And there will be times when it seems best to throw in the towel but that is when the game is best. When you are down to nothing God is defintely up to something. So be encouraged! =)

What will tomorrow hold?

Today I smiled.
Today I laughed.
Today I learned.

What will tomorrow hold?

Part Of My Life

India Arie - Part Of My Life

Can you be a part of my life?
can you be a part of my life?

Verse 1:
Oh it`s easy to find someone to play with
and almost anyone will do to fill your idle time.
but that very special someone
you can share all your dreams with is so hare to find
And it use to be like me to settle for the physical
but these days it ain`t too easy to make up my mind
cause apparently your body just to temporary to take up my
precious time

Chorus:
See I`ve got to know that
that I can be free with you and
you`ve got to show that
that you`re worthy of my time
can you stimulate my mind?
And I know that it looks good,
but can you be a part of my life
and I`m sure that it feels good
but can you be a part of my life
and it probably even tastes good
but can you be a part of my life
I`ve got to know

Verse 2:
I still appreciate the beauty of a man
but there`s much more to what I need now than what meets the eye
and if beauty`s only skin deep
then your pretty skin won`t send me to my highest high
oh it`s been a long time come for maturity
and I believe that it`s truly what it has to be
cause as much as I admire you
my sexual desire, ain`t controlling me

See I`ve got to know that
that I can be free with you and
you`ve got to show that
that you`re worthy of my time
can you stimulate my mind?


PS This is espically for friend, Get Yo' Man Girl!

Happy New Year

Well it's finally here, 2006...the year of self-renewnal. This is the year I renew myself and become a better version of well...me. Although I must admit right now I am a bit confused about life. I know what I want be it seems like I can't have it. I know what I have but it always seems like I want more. I know what I can achieve but at times it seems impossible. I know a lot of things but I have not even grazed the surface. Despite all this my hopes for this year and things to come is bright. This year just like last year holds so many opportunities and challenges but I am armed and ready to go. Look out 2006, here I come! ;-D

Inspiration at its finest...

So Christmas is over... a month of hustle and bustle for one day that ends as quick as it begins. Now don't get me wrong I love Christmas, it is the one time of the year that encourages giving more than recieving (for the most part). Well Christmas has changed for me since I have gotten older. First of all, I no longer make a list of things I "gotta have", now it is just things that I need (of course there are some wants here and there). Second, now I enjoy the things around the holidays that are more intangible (family, friends, "the small things"). Third I have a better understanding of the phrase it is better to give than to receive. I guess I am beginning to learn again the "true meaning of Christmas"( no matter how cliche it sounds).
So I am a sucker for giving gifts and this year I felt "inspired" to give picture frames with pictures in them. For me it was like giving memories in a decorative frame. Well it was a good idea at the time so I thought but my gift didn't go over to well with some people. At first I thought it was because they didn't like the gift but that was not the case. Although the picture frames and pictures were a nice gesture; everyone is not me and they might not like the reminence on the "memories" as much as I do (I love pictures and picture frames). This helped me learn when you give you have to think about the person you are giving the gift to. Since it is something that is for them it must fit their style. In the past years I have picked some gifts out and they went over very well, why? Because I catered to the needs/wants of that particular person. So what does this tell me, while it is the thought that counts, make sure you are thinking about what really counts.
Sometimes it is the small things in life that make the best gifts. Don't just limit your gift-giving to a certain day in the year, all year around is a good time. And sometimes your presence is more valuable than any present. ;-]

Home for the Holidays!

While talking to my friend for two hours I realized that Christmas is a time for friends and family. Although sometimes these are the people that annoy you the most, they are also the people who will be there for you the most. They shape and mold you into the ulimate person that you will become. So enjoy ( and cherish) them this Christmas!

Fighter for Love...(and everything else)

It has come to my attention that I am not a fighter when it comes to love (or even “like”) it seems like it is one of those impossible task that will never happen (even though I have the Ultimate Fighter on my team). It’s like I take no as the answer and go on my way but I have changed my mind when it comes to this philosophy. Just think if everyone in the world took on this philosophy when it came to love (or “like”), to just give up when they heard no. Oh what a world that would be. I think that half the time it is our own fear that keeps us from being a fighter for love (and "like"). Fear of what you might ask? Well for me (and almost everyone else), rejection. Fear that the person just might not feel the same way and we might have put ourselves out there just to get hurt or so it seems. So what’s a girl (and guy) to do? Be a fighter! Go get what you want and keep fighting until you get it. Those who take a backseat to love (or potential "love"), take a backseat to life.
So don’t be afraid to “Take it to the Head” when it comes to love (or well you know) because it is okay to want a “Strong Man (or woman)”. “And I am telling you” take on the persistent attitude, they’ll appreciate it. And if that is too much for them to handle then they’ll soon learn their lesson: “How does it feel”. I say all this to say if you are “Interested” then don’t be afraid. Just remember “Love will be Waiting at Home”.

Those who take a backseat to love (or potential "love"), take a backseat to life; you will always be watching others drive. Drivers wanted. :-D

Talent...What is yours?

A while ago I had a problem I couldn't figure out what my talents were. I mean I knew I had some but I just couldn't express exactly what they were. Well after much thought (and I guess a bit of soul searching) I am started to realize what they really were. They include writing, advicing and one of my favorites, cooking. So you can guess that tonight when I got the opportunity to cater a party for my mom I was delighted. I love to cook with a passion and I am so blessed to have the ability to do it.

Tonight's Menu:
Spinach and Artichoke dip with tortilla chips
Broccoli Quiche
Chicken Salad with assorted crackers
Fresh fruit salad
Mini cheesecakes
Little individual cakes with different fillings and toppings
Stuffed mushrooms
Apple cider
Sparkling Punch

Someday I may open a restaurant with my friend Mellena (who is going to culinary school, I am so proud). But until then... what is your talent? Think. Learn. Lead. ;-)

Oh so wise...

That I am!

"On the Real" (Honesty...the best policy)

Is honesty really the best policy? This semester has led me to believe that it is. I have always thought of myself as an honest person when it comes to things in general. Unfornately when it comes to my true feelings, being able to fully express what I need, I have not been completely honest with myself or others. I know what I want and sometimes I expect others to know what I want to but that is impossible unless I speak up. So now is the time for me to speak up because if I don't...well who knows but I just want to get this off my chest. I always thought that I could keep my feelings trapped inside and turn them on and off as I please but I have quickly learned that this is not the case. Keeping feelings bottled up inside only makes you want to explode. And even if those feelings aren't reciprocated at least you can rest easy knowing that you did your part. All I feel is regret everytime I have the chance to say (or do) something but I don't so from now on honesty will be my policy. ;-D

Here is the song to go along with this blog entry (I almost forgot about this song):
"Time" by: Musiq Soulchild
[Verse 1]I'd like to take a minute to apologizeFor not taking advantage of you
Through all the years you've passed me by
Honestly I really wanted to be mad at you, yes
For so many hours waiting, yeahI finally know what it means to be patient
And everything has its place, yeahAnd reason and I've learned that
[Chorus]Time waits for nothing
And everything is gonna take its time for it to happen
Time waits for nothing
And everything is gonna take its time
Time waits for nothing and no one
Cause everything has its time
[Verse 2]I used to think that if I tried
Then maybe I could change the things thatI regretted in my past life
But through all the lessons that you taught me
I have learned my experiences enhanced my character, yes
Now as I look back with what I know nowI can say that I wouldn't change a thing
Cause I love who I became, yeah
And when it's all said and doneI can only live for today
Cause I've learned that
[Bridge]I used to find it hard to believe
And almost impossible to conceive, yeah
Everything I do revolves around you
And knowing that, its kind crazy to me
Now if I had a dollar for every moment
That I spent watching my days go by
Doing, doing, doing nothingI probably never be penniless or hopeless.
[Verse 3]So for a while now, I've kept in mind
Cause what they say is trueThat you are of the essence
Down to the very last secondAnd I'm so glad that I've grown to
Respect you

"On the Real"

I am emotional and physical drained and very ready to go home. I like gaining all this knowledge but I need a break. Only 8 days until a little rest and relaxation. Talk about thankful. School is the least of my concern, I know the Lord will help me. But it is the other things in life that I keep dragging myself into that is taking the biggest toll on me. Well as long as God is with me who can be against me. NO ONE!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, KELLIE!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU! HAPPY BIRTHDAY DEAREST REQUEL! HAPPY BIRHDAY TO YOU!

HOW OLD ARE YOU? HOW OLD ARE YOU? HOW OLD ARE YOU? HOW OLD ARE YOU!

CUMPLEANOS FELIZ! CUMPLEANOS FELIZ! CUMPLEANOS FELIZ! CUMPLEANOS MI ENCANTA! CUMPLEANOS FELIZ! (Please excuse broken and incorrect spanish, I am a beginner)

WISH YOU ALL THE BEST GIRL!

Pondering on Love

" Love begins with a smile, grows with a kiss, and ends with a teardrop. "- Anonymous

"An ounce of emotion is equal to a ton of facts." - John Junor

"Love is not always black and white, it is those gray areas that make all the difference." -Jailyn Stone

"We love because it's the only true adventure." - Nikki Giovanni

" We come to love not by finding a perfect person, but by learning to see an imperfect person perfectly. "- Anonymous

" You can never give too much love" -Jailyn Stone

" There is only one kind of love, but there are a thousand imitations. "- Francois de La Rouchefoucauld

"We cease loving ourselves if no one loves us." - Mme de Stael

"Hatred paralyzes life; love releases it. Hatred confuses life; love harmonizes it. Hatred darkens life; love illumines it." - Martin Luther King, Jr. (1929-1968)

Spread more love it is the only thing that there is just too little of. Nite.

HAPPY THANKSGIVING

"Roses are read, violets are blue...Happy Thanksgiving from me to you!" -Jailyn

"We love our bread...We love our butter...but most of all we love each other. I LOVE EVERYONE. HAPPY THANKSGIVING!" -Jailyn

Calling it Quits

Does persistance pay off? And if not when do you call it quits? Can you be persistant while at the same time maintain your dignity? I am a firm believer that persistance does pay off and if not it is at least worth a try. If a person is truly worth your time, they will appreicate the effort. Does this mean we can't take no for an answer...not hardly.

Songs like "I'm gonna make you love me" or "Saving all my love for you" make us all believe sometimes that persistance does pay off. I believe that 95% of the time persistance pays off because it makes people feel like they are loved and appreciated. It makes you feel special and important. Not taking no for an answer can show your steadfastness about the siutation. I guess in a way it shows your true dedication to the person.

So, where do you draw the line? If you are consistantly trying show someone how much you care and they don't appreciate your efforts then what should you do? This when you have to make the decision of whether or not the person is worth fighting for. Another good question to ask in this situation would be, what if you are the one who has been wronged? Would you appreciate someone's persistance for you?

I guess this topic is for the birds, like they say "different strokes for different folks." It's your life and you are ultimately affected be every decision that you make. But remember "you never miss you water until you well runs dry" (because you have nothing to drink and no where to wash you clothes). Nite. ;-O

So you call yourself my friend

I have always thought that I am so blessed to have such wonderful friends that care so much about me. Everyone on this page has made realize that good friends are a hard thing to come by. I love all you guys and wish you the best.

Krystle- Gurl, what can I say you been with me all the way, even today (hay hay). I can't believe that were juniors in college (yes you are a junior). We have gone through a lot together and we're still friends (what a treat!). Thank you for always encouraging me. I believe that you will be successful in everything that you do, you have already proved that you can do that just continue and that will become standard.

Naya- We have been through it all. I would have never had so much fun if you wouldn't had been there by my side girl. I can truly this friendship is one I defintely treasure. We are the perfect pair. I know that you will always have my back (and vice versa). My childhood wouldn't have been the same without you. Never forget the Lord is on your side and so am I.

Kristyn- Where are you girl? That really doesn't matter just wanted to let you know I love you and appreciate everything you have done for me. Naya, you and I are three of kind. I miss you girl but I know that whatever you are doing you are doing wonderful.

Melanie- Thank you for always making me laugh (I guess you can say vice versa). Your friendship has truly been a blessing. You are one of a kind. Your "wisdom" truly astounds me and I am eternally greatful for it. Thank you for always being willing to lend a ear (even when you didn't want to :-o). Just keep doing what you doing.

Michele- My lil' sister, thanks for keeping the laughs coming. Good times, good times. You are a lovely young lady and well...you know the deal. Don't change unless it is extremely necessary.

Danielle- What can I say???? Oh okay I thought of something...Thank you. I know it seems as if everytime you turn aroound I am getting on you for something but it's all in love. Thank you are sharing my pain, joy, sorrow, hope and the list goes on. I believe in you and I push you because I know that you are destined to finish the race. You are a smart and beautiful young lady. Thank you for just being you because it is the best thing you can be. Always remember the Lord will "NEVER" leave you nor forsake you.

Candace- Girl, you speak the truth (no matter how hard it might be) but that is just what I need sometimes (a wake up call). I am truly amazed by you and have enjoyed getting to know you from step aerobics to accounting I and II. You are a bright and intelligent young lady that is going to soar no matter what. God Bless

Raquel- Thank you so much for the video (I loved it!!! Muy Bien Gracias). Thank you for being such a wonderful roommate and friend. I have truly enjoy your wit and advice(when it is good, just kidding) and I think that the Lord has great things in store. You are a wonderful young lady that is defintely going places. God is looking out for you. By the way I am so jealous of you right now.

Mellena- Thank you Mellena for trusting me enough to want my advice. You are so full of life and such energy I love it. I want to know that you are making me so pround (and everyone else). Keep pursuing your dreams, you are a fighter girl and that will get you far. Thank you for showing me it is okay to step out on a limb.

Deanna (Abdulla)- You are so great. If I could say only thing about you it would be don't lose you sweet spirit. A genuine person is so hard to come by nowadays but you have proven time and time again that there is always an exception to the rules. You have always amazed me with your ability to trust. I am so glad that you have that ability it is so hard for a lot of people but you have it almost done to a science. I will defintely keep your new found revelation in my prayers. The Lord and bless and keep you.

Jacquece- Thank you for your loyalty(Cunningham wouldn't be the same without you). You are a wonderful young lady whose smile has (I am sure) brighten many days for others. I love that you still believe in things that others have given up hope on. ;-) Keep that spirit that makes you so unique. And remember throwing caution to the wind can sometimes make all the difference.

Lianna- Hey girlie, thank you so much for you friendship and loyalty. Thank you for listening to my advice (Remember I am your resident counselor advisor). You are doing the most and that is really important. You reaching for the stars and you will go far. I appreciate you caring about me and my feelings. You make me feel important and smart when I talk to you. I hope that you make it to your goal, let the Lord be your guide.

Anthea- Suitemate, the one and only. Even after we lived together we are still friends that is amazing. You are one of a kind. Your friendship is a treasure. You are so crazy. I am so happy to see that you are maturing and becoming a better person (I know you can do it). You have made me realize we are all in the same boat together. Just remember to stay afloat you can't panic.

Herminque- Thank you for your cheerful demeanor it brightens my day. I am very thankful for every thing that you have given me. You are a very determined young lady who has set a path and is destined to follow it. If you remember to keep God first that and other things are very possible.

Matthew- You have esteemed privilege to be the only guy to get a shout-out on my friend page. You have taught me so much about myself and for that I am truly thankful (a lot of times you do it by playing me but that is okay :-). You are an intelligent and handsome young man, you are going to take the world by storm (I have faith in you). The Lord is watching out for you and He has your best interest at heart.

The Texas girls- It has finally come a year when we are not stationed around or even next to each other. What has the world come to? Thank you for your all friendships. Much love to you guys.

Nicki- Hey girl, You know I wouldn't forget about you. I am very glad that you consider me your friend. I am so sad that we are so far away from each other now. But aside from that we have class so see you there! Keep that cheerful and happy demeanor it will get you far and it confuses people. God Bless!

Darn my curiosity...Because it killed the cat

Then again the cat was already dead so maybe it didn't do that much damage. My curiosity always seems to get the best of me. I mean leave me in a room long enough with a closed door and it just might get opened. Of course that doesn't mean I don't where to draw the line;though I am sort of a scaredy cat too. Oh well, what the heck...I guess that's what life's is all about.

Taking my Own Advice

It's very funny how I can help others and tell them what they need to do but when it comes to taking my own advice... That's a different story. It seems really easy to give advice but unfortunately just hard to take it. I guess sometimes to avoid the problems I'm having, stepping outside of my issues to help someone else can sometimes help me better understand exactly what I need to do. It's like entering the tunnel and not knowing how far you have to go but being able to see the light.

The more I realize this the more it makes me see my wall breaking down, I am becoming more and more open. I am like an open book and people are starting to read me (I can't decide whether that is good or bad). It's almost like I am making my own self vulnerable. I have always felt like I could make decisions without getting emotions involved. I have always thought that they best way to get rid of a bad habit is just to quit cold turkey. I have even thought that by avoiding things or certain issues they would go away. Yeah right, if only things were that easy.

It seems to me the Lord speaks the loudest to me in my silence. And when He can't get me to sit down and shut up He speaks to me when I try to help others (through me own words, what a way to get my attention).

I have realized that through this transformation I am sometimes able to see things better. My outlook on several things have changed. I feel like I have a new leash on life (maybe it's got a new leash on me). Whatever the case I have realized the things that seem to be the hardest that don't come easily are the things that I tend to appreciate more.

Searching for More

Have you ever met or are you someone who is always looking for more? Nothing ever seems to be good enough. Always looking for the next best thing. And where has this gotten you? Most times not very far. Many times people search for things that are right under their noses. You(and I) don't take the time to see what is right in front of you. Busy looking so far in the future that you miss what is here in the present. I have learned you have to live for the present or else life will pass you by. A famous quote by John Lennon "Life happens while your busy making plans." This passage is so true in many ways. Life is not an easy thing to plan but yet we put so much time and effort planning it. Why? Because that is human nature, plan or get screwed. Well, then how can you truly grab life by the horns? Holding on to the past so tight that you can't grasp the future is another way of searching for more. Your past will affect your future but it's up to you to determine how and how much. You can only beat a dead mule for so long (it's dead get the hint!). You are your greatest enemy sometimes. You can sometimes hinder yourself from getting the things that you truly want and deserve. By thinking that you can do it all on your own is a big mistake (that's what He is there for). Live, screw up, learn, and then do it all again. ;-) Knowledge is Power.

Mirror, Mirror

"Mirror, Mirror on the wall, who is the fairest of them all?" I have realized the more and more I look in the mirror that I have to be content with myself. Others have their opinions but that is all they have. They don't have a say in what I become. The older I become the more I realize the easier it is to accept certain things. It is easier to accept things about yourself you can't necessarily change (especially temporary things). It is also easier to accept things that happen to you. You start to realize the lessons that life has for you sooner rather than later. You also realize what is really important to you. I also know that they are things in life that do not get easier with just living. Things like death, a broken heart, having to say goodbye. Sometimes these things can even get harder but I guess it helps you grow as a person. I guess getting older is a bad thing after all. The older you get, the wiser you get (at least in most cases). Also the older you get the more you realize who you really are. Nite, nite don't let the bed bugs bite. ;-)

"On the Real" My Favorite Pastimes

I love to read, it is my favorite pastime. Reading gives me the chance to take a break from reality. While reading I am in another world and I feel apart of that world. Of course will my hectic school schedule I don't always get the time to read like I want. However I have found a new pastime, writing. It is almost as good as reading (it is probably better). It gives you the chance to have control over a situation. It's like your own little world, you are the ultimate decider of what happens. Writing gives some (like me) the opportunity to express what I would not necessary say out loud. I just completed another short story. I wrote my first short story in 8th or 9th grade. I have also written a number of poems and essays. I am currently working on another short story and an assortment of other literary works. There is one particular one I am very proud of it has given me the chance to truly express myself. As I go back and read some of the things I write I am often encouraged. As a matter-of-fact I read something in one of my books to two of my friends and it shocked me at how they recieved it. Anyway back to my schoolwork until next time.

This is for you, You know who you are

To (Well you know) ,

What have you done to me?
You made me put pride aside.
I have realized that I must take the first step and make the first stride.
Opening up to you was the first step, surrendering to you came next.
Open... laying it out on the table, making myself readily available.
Open... to you and everything you were ready to give, you taught me a new way to live.
My emotions seem to run wild around you.
You make even old things brand new.
You help me see that you gain more open then you do close,
you made me realize with you anything goes.
With you I have so much to gain,
compared to you all other things seem vain.
I hid no longer behind my feelings.
Scared of exactly what the future holds.
I understand that for you I must break all molds.
Fear of rejection no longer hinders me.
I know exactly what is important to me.
Ready to explore and sieze the day,
ready to put myself out there and say all that I have to say.
Words will never fully express the way I feel inside my chest
but I will try to do my best.
Please don't give up on me, you see what others fail to see.
You know what others will never know.
You'll always and forever be the greatest gift given to me.


Love Always,
Jailyn

"Not Your Average Girl from the Video..."

"Not Your Average Girl from the Video..." this is part of the chorus to India.arie's song "Video." This and other empowering songs encourage women to embrace who they are and basically screw everyone who doesn't feel the same way. Of course it should not take a song to empower you to do this but every little thing helps. It is kind of ironic I would hear this song on the radio after dicussing some superifical issues with a friend. She was feeling a bit uneasy about approaching a guy because of the way she looks or acts (or doesn't look or act). This made me realize that maybe it's me but it seems as if sometimes women put out more and get less. Why is this? I mean it isn't enought that a girl is intelliegent, witty, has a wonderful personality, and can engage in delightful conversations with you. On top of all that she has to look like a supermodel (or something close to it). We [women] are consistently comparing ourselves to other women for a chance with a guy who wouldn't change if we paid him to. Why? Becuase we want to see what makes her "better than me" and we want him to "desire us." I mean I can't blame it all on men but sometimes some of them can play the devil's advocate. Women tend to be more accepting to men when it comes to a lot of things so why are men not equally as accepting? I don't know the answer but I do know we are all beautiful in our own way and if he can't accept that then he needs to "hit the road."

Well I gotta go (just had to vent for a minute). Nite, nite don't let the bed bugs bite. ;-)

Pride goes before the Fall

Have you ever learned a lesson for the second time and still failed? I finally found what I thought was a lesson in a experience I was in. After finding the lesson I was pretty proud of myself. I even told some of my friends about the lesson I had finally found in the experience. You see at first the lesson was hard to find but then it just kind of snuck up on me.
I am always try to find the lesson in any challenges that I face. Unfortunately in this situation I couldn't find the lesson so I decided that there was no lesson. But the other day it hit me like a pile of bricks and it was like a weight was lifted off my shoulders. Feeling rather self-confident I started to share my lesson with others thinking that it was the end of the experience and the end of my lesson it had taught me. This was so not the case, just two days later after my new found revelation I was tested. I was tested to see if I had really learned my lesson and I hadn't. My pride was crushed I felt the weight of all those bricks back on my shoulders. This taught me another very important lesson that I have had to learn over and over again "pride goes before the fall." Remember there is a lesson for every situation but there is also a test. Study hard. ;-D

Hi Raquel

Hola Raquel,

I am writing this just for you. I don't have a lot of time because it is very late and my eyes are slowly closing. But I just wanted you to know I will start back writing on this blog just for you to let you know what is going on in my life. So far everything is okay, I will expound later. But until then keep God first and me next (j/k). Have a good nite girl. Adios!

"On the Real"

Okay so everything is pretty cool except the fact that I have major work to do. I mean I have assignments on top of assignments. When I look at what I have to do it seems almost virtually impossible. But after prioritizing I find that things get done, not only get done but sometimes get done faster. Anyway I am super tired and if I want at least 5 good hours I got to get to bed now. C'ya, nite nite ;-0

Why Me?

To many times I have asked myself why me. And maybe at the time it seemed justified but lately I have realized maybe I should be asking why not me. Or am I so ahead of the game I don't need the lessons that trails and tribulations bring? I mean am I to good to endure all the things others go through. It seems the more I endure the better I am when it comes to helping others in similar situations. So why not me? Some of the very the things that I thought I would never make it through have made me glad it was me. I am a stronger and better person because of it. I know it doesn't seem like anything good will come out of certain situations but you just have to search for the lesson. If it seems hard to find it at first don't worry soon it will appear and you'll be glad you made it through.

Blessings for the Week (Glad it was Me):
*found my cell phone :) :)
*bridled my tongue :) :) :)
*got my SLUSHIE! :) :) :) :)

My Theme Song

I have always had sort of a theme song for my life at certain times. And the one that I have chosen now is New Attitude by Patti LaBelle. It describes, well, my attitude.

I'm feelin' good from my head to my shoes Know where I'm goin' and I know what to do
I tidied up my point of view I got a new attitude Runnin' hot, runnin' cold
I was runnin' into overload It was extreme, ex-ex-ex-ex-ex-extreme
It took it so high, so low So low, there was nowhere to go Like a dream
Somehow the wires uncrossed, the tables were turned
Never knew I had such a lesson to learn
I'm in control, my worries are few 'Cause I've got love like I never knew Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh
I got a new attitude I'm wearing a new dress (New), new hair (New)Brand new ideas, as a matter of fact I've changed for good It must have been the cool night, new moon, new slight change???More than to figure??? but I feel like I should, yes
Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, oohI got a new attitude Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh

Okay well you get the point. I have to change my attitude as time changes. Adaptation. (Another song that also describes my current state is Video by India.arie). ;-)

Taking Steps, Making Strides

In my World Literature class we always start off class with a devotion. Well devotion today was about taking steps in life. The devotion stated that a small step for one person might be a bigger step for someone else. So this got me to thinking about the steps, and strides, I am making in my life.
I took a step out on faith late last school year and rekindled some old friendships. To someone this might have not been that deep but to me it was. I place a high value on friendships. And I hate to be betrayed to let down by my "friends." I don't just call anyone my friend. So the fact that we "had been" friends and some how had fallen off; now were friends again, that is a big step to me (and vice versa :D).
Then at the beginning of the summer I started an internship. My first "real" job, which consumed most my time this summer. Once again a big step for me maybe not for someone else but you get the idea. I suddenly was required to pay for everything I wanted and needed. This was a very unique experience that I am happy I had the privilege to engage in.
Let me not even start about the steps I have been taking since the beginning of the school year because I would we could be here for a while. Let's just say with all the strides I have been making since August alone I could be half way around the world by now. So whether your "taking steps or making strides" just make sure your moving. Peace and love. ;-)

The Value of Friendship

How much does friendship cost? If you could put a value on friendship what would it be? To me friendship is way beyond bargaining. Friendships should be like wine, they should get better with time. Friends are the people who see you at your worst and still choose to be to hang around you. When you hurt they want to ease your pain, they just call to say hi, and you can call them up for no reason and stay on the phone for hours.
Of course the same way you work at everything else you should work on your friendships. You should always be seeking to improve yourself and the friendship in anyway. There are friendships I know I couldn’t live without (well, I probably could but I wouldn’t want to). Why? Because they have had so much influence in my life; they in a way have made me who I am.
But what happens when a friendship dissipates? Should you try to rekindle the friendship you once knew? Or just let bygones be bygones? In a situation like this you should think about how important that person is to you. I know from personal experience it took to long to start some of my friendships to just let them go to waste. I had to learn to be vulnerable and I learned it the hard way. As humans we never want to be the first to admit to being wrong. But we have to look at ourselves first and assess the situation from there. You never solve anything by blaming each other. Just remember to be the friend you would want.
"Love is blind; friendship closes its eyes." Can we all just be friends. ;-)

One Wedding and a funeral

In less than a week I attended a wedding and a funeral. The thing that I realized at both was people's abilities to bring out the best in both situations. Of course a wedding is a seeminly joyous occasion and it is not as hard to bring out the best in that situation. At a funeral it might be a bit harder. But I have noticed that people have the abiltity to bring out the best of a person's life at his/her funeral. As I sat at this funeral on Friday and listened to all the wonderful things people said about this person I began to think, what will people say at my funeral? Better yet what are they saying now, even while I am alive? What influence have I had on people? Have I evolved over the course of my life? Have I changed for the better? Am I trying to get better by God's grace? I sure do hope so. And I hope people see it. Today someone told me that I looked happier and more content. That made me feel like all my learning this summer and earlier this school year was not in vain. And I hope to continue to grow and become the person the Lord will have me to be. ;-)

Broken Scale

How do you weigh out the balance of life on a broken scale?

I was once told a story about a lady who had no food for her or her family to eat and only $20. She was a Christian and decided to step out on faith and go to the grocery store to see if she could all the food she needed for just $20. She gathered all she needed and prceded to the line. When she reached the front she started to put all her food items on the scale. The scale started to increase, strangely enough with all the lady's food items the scale never passed $20. She quickly paid and left thanking the Lord for the blessing He had given her. The clerk at the grocery store later found out that the scale was broken.

Had this lady not stepped out on faith she would have never recieved her blessing. The next time you decide to start weighing out life make sure that your scale is not broken. ;-)

Life Lesson #156322

Marriage or the thought of it used to never bother me, until I realized how quickly the years are passing by. I guess I have always thought of it in the back of my mind. But never has it been this close. I attended a wedding yesterday and the guy who got married is 2 years older than me. Two years when you think about it that is not a very long time.
Of course, I don't want to rush into anything just because I feel like I am trying to beat the clock. I stopped trying to figure out a while ago why the Lord hasn't blessed me with the "man of my dreams" and decided to just be patient. But ever so often my patience wears off. Maybe he is around me, the thought that scares me the most is that he could be right under my nose and I am just overlooking him (vice versa).
I guess it goes a little like this: "At 16 it was easy to decide who I would marry. At 17 it was easy to decide who I definitely wouldn’t marry. At 18 was easy to decide that I just wouldn’t get married. At 19 was easy to decide to reverse my former decision. At 20 I have decided that I am not at liberty to make any kind of marriage decisions."
Patience is a virtue and I am a virtuous woman. So while the Lord works on me and the "man of my dreams." I just continue to wait. Wait for what? Wait for the man who gives me butterflies when his name just shows up on my caller id. The man whose smile seems like it's just for me. The man whom I accept with his flaws and still want to be with him (vice versa). The man whose touch can melt away all my anger or hurt (even if he was the one who imposed it on me in the first place). The man who realizes what he has found is a rare gift from God and will take advantage of it the moment he gets a chance (vice versa). That is the man I am looking for (others need not apply).

Recap

So after reading my past blog posts I am compelled to write. This summer I was so on top of my game. I was filled with such passion such emotion this summer. I knew exactly who I was and where I was going. What happened? It's like I hit school and life began to get that more complicated. Why? Because I allowed it. I stopped thinking about myself. Not to be vain but sometimes we can get so lost helping others that we forget about ourselves. So here's to me.

What keep's on popping up in my head is what am I worth? I mean not literally what am I worth but what do I have to offer as a friend or something more? More than I realize. You know it takes someone taking you for granted sometimes before you realize how much you are worth.

Think of yourself as a 10 and you'll become a ten. And most importantly be the friend you want to have.

Question to ponder: How long do you have to go in circles before you get the picture? ':-)

Goodbye Summer, Hello School year

Well the summer has finally come to a screeching halt. I am faced with the reality of a new school year and all the challenges to come. While this may seem like the end of the fun as we know I see it as an extension of the excitement yet to come. Throughout this summer I have gained lessons, friends, and experiences that I will cherish for the rest of my life. I had the opportunity to have an internship with Target (and get a small discount). I met a lot of people and learned a lot of new things that I will use in the new future. I also opened the door to a new and exciting career path. I had the opportunity to rekindle an old friendship. Friendships are like wine they get better with age. You see you never know how important someone is to you until they come back into your life. Sometimes people are only there for a season (a certain period in time) but sometimes they are moved out prematurely. Whatever the case maybe cherish well they're there. I have been so blessed to have had these experiences and many more. With the summer came many possibilities and with the school year will come the same. Good Luck. ;-)

No Regrets

No regrets. Look for my book coming soon. :=)

Wishful Thinking

Okay so I am not the best person when it comes to expressing my feelings but this morning I will try because I have a lot on my mind. I have so many unanswered questions. Have you ever wondered if you would have said more or exposed more would it have been different? I mean if you would have been honest with yourself and everyone else (especially well you know), would that change things? Well that same thought keeps going through my head. I guess what I am trying to say is that being vulnerable for me is very difficult but it doesn't mean I can't be. I guess I have taken so much time protecting myself from getting hurt in relationships that it gets hard for me to let others in. I mean what can I say to express how I truly feel. I always thought and hoped that my actions would speak louder than my words but I guess they don't. I just want to know by saying nothing is everything my fault? Or is it just the opposite? A couple days ago I thought I put myself out there but the more I thought of it, the more I realized I didn't and that could have cost me something I wanted. Time waits for no one including me, although I know this I still continue to play with it. I allow others to make decisions for me instead of saying what I really want to say. But I keeping wondering yet and still would that have made a difference or it all out of my hands? I guess that would mean that I would have to step outside of my box and that scares me. If I had a chance I would defintely do things differently. Unfortunately for me it is to late now but for those of you who have the chance make sure you say how you feel when you feel that way. Don't let anything get in the way of saying how you really feel. You might get hurt sometimes but in the long run you'll be glad you did. ;)

Dynamic Forgiveness

So today at church the pastor talked about Dynamic Forgiveness. One thing that got me is that he said we can't just forgive the person in our heart (of course that is a start) we have to physically tell them if it is possible. Anyway that whole sermon moved me.

Then when I was checking one of my old e-mail addresses I found this. It moved me because I found myself dealing with several of these situations. So here it is:

Have you ever wondered which hurts the most?
Saying something and wishing you hadn't? Or Saying nothing and wishing you had?
I guess the most important things are the hardest things to say.
Don't be afraid to tell someone you love them. If you do, they might break your heart...If you don't, you might break theirs.
Have u ever decided not 2 become a couple because you were so afraid of losing what you already had with that person?
Your heart decides whom it likes and whom it doesn't. You can't tell your heart what to do.
It does it on its own...When you least suspect it, or even when you don't want it to.
Have you ever wanted to love someone with everything you had, but that other person was too afraid to let you?
Too many of us stay walled up because we are too afraid to care too much...For fear that the other person does not care as much, or even at all.
Have you ever denied your feelings for someone because your fear of rejection was too hard to handle?
We tell lies when we are afraid... afraid of what we don't know, afraid of what others will think, afraid of what will be found out about us.
But every time we tell a lie, the thing we fear grows stronger. Life is all about risks and it requires you to jump.
Don't be a person who has to look back and wonder what they would have done, or could have had.
* What would you do if every time you fell in love you had to say good-bye?
*What would you do if every time you wanted someone they would never be there?
*What would you do if your best friend died tomorrow and you never got to tell them how you felt? (even if it is that you don't care anymore)
*What would you do if you loved someone more than ever and you couldn't have them?
*What would you do if you never got the chance to say I am friends with all of my family and they know I love them?
*You might be best friends one year, pretty good friends the next year, don't talk that often the next, and don't want to talk at all the year after that. So, I just wanted to say, even if I never talk to you again in my life, you are special to me and you have made a difference in my life. Let old friends know you haven't forgotten them, and tell new friends you never will.

Okay so I know this was long but it says almost everything on my heart I just had to include it. If you are my friend know that I love you and always will. Remember just because love is blind you don't have to be. ;')

Today is a Good Day

The sun is shining, the birds are chirping, and today is going to be a good day. I feel rejuvenated and ready to take on the day. I woke up this morning a bit puzzled but then looked out the window and felt the sun shine down onme and realized everything is going to be okay. So today WILL be a good day. I am going to go to work then I am going to get some curtains and well then I'll see what else the day has in store for me. Life, Sunshine, and a Happy Heart. The simple things in life, those are the things I want: the sunshine, a day to sleep in, good friends, a good sale, being able to help someone, finding a good outfit in a short period of time, a cute pair of shoes, feeling appreciated/accepted for what and who you are, good music, family, and all the things that just make me smile. ;-)

Okay, so why is this so hard?

I keep asking myself why is this so hard?
Maybe it's because of the new terrain
Or maybe it's because it (or maybe you) drive(s) me insane
(I know you liked how that rhymed)
You see this has never been easy for me
And I guess I shouldn't except it to be
I know I said this is like two roads diverged
But it is more like a new beginning
(Confusion and hesitation is a dangerous thing)
It seems like every time I begin to write down what I really feel
I feel I might regret what I reveal
You don't know how scary this is for me
Letting others in to see what I see (there goes the a whole row of bricks)
I keep on telling myself not to reveal to much to soon
I hope this helps your attempt to break down my "brick" wall
I keep thinking when have I said to much, when do I stop, where do I draw the line?
Well I think now is the time
So C'ya -Jailyn ;-)

The words to a song that go along with this literary work are at http://www.seeklyrics.com/lyrics/India-Arie/Interested.html, Interested by India.arie

PS I am CPR and First Aid Certified (Hooray!) And Matthew whatever your ready you can meet me on the tennis court for your "lesson."

"The Road Not Taken"

One of my favorite poems is "The Road Not Taken" by Robert Frost. For those of you not familiar with this poem you can read it at http://www.bartleby.com/119/1.html. Frost is stuck in a dilemma because he must choose the path best for him. Both of the roads look just about the same except for the fact that one is more worn than the other. This tells Frost that one was more traveled than the other. After weighing his options Frost chooses the one less traveled and says "and that has made all the difference." Why did Frost chose the path less traveled? I mean maybe the path traveled by many could have has the same effect on his life. Why is he sorry he could not travel both? Why does he say it with a sigh?

My friend asked me the "million dollar question" today. She asked me a question everyone had just been assuming the answer to. After she asked the question I realized I was in the same dilemma Frost was in, in his poem. I am at the division of two roads. I have already traveled one and the other I have not. I am not sure if I want to travel the same road again for fear that it might lead me back to the same place. So then it would seem simple then, chose the one you never traveled before. But what if the one I am familiar with has taken on new scenery and a surprising twist? Maybe when I traveled the road the first time I was not adequately prepared? The other road I have not traveled presents itself with new opportunities but I only be taking it to get away from the first road. What if they both lead to the same destiny ?

Whatever road I chose I'll make sure that will make all the difference. ;-)

Likes and Dislikes about myself

In 7th grade during my creative writing class my teacher asked us to write about likes and dislikes about ourselves. Well of course in 7th grade this what I had to say:

"I for the most part like everything about myself. I dislike my hair and my feet. My feet are to big and my hair is to short. I really like my personality and state of mind. I like my personality because I try to be kind whenever I can. My state of mind is trying to always be in a pleasant yet funny state of mind so that I won't get bored but have things I to laugh about. God didn't make me perfect, but I'm satisfied."

Please excuse the grammatical errors. But other than that I thought it was summed up in the end pretty well. If only that were true today. I mean how often are we trying to change something about ourselves and others? Reading this made me think if now all I was worried about was short hair and big feet I would be ecstatic. But even though I have a lot more to worry about, I can still find contentment in my life right now. And that is why I am still not perfect but satisfied. ;-0

To my "Brothas"

This song is by Angie Stone. It expresses how important the black male is to society and its female counterparts. I love it because it reaches to the very essence of the black male. ;-D

(Verse 1)He is my King, He is my one
Yes he's my father, Yes he's my son
I can talk to him, cuz he understands everything I go through and everything I am
He's my support system, I can't live without him
The best thing since sliced bread, Is his kiss, his hugs, his lips, his touch
And I just want the whole world to know, about my..

(Chorus)Black Brotha, I love ya, I will never - try to hurt ya I want ya, to know that, I'm here for you - forever true cuz youre my Black Brotha, strong brotha, there is no - one above ya I want ya, to know that, I'm here for you - forever true

(Verse 2)He's misunderstood, some say that he's up to no good around the neighborhood
But fo' your information - a lot of my brothers got education (now check it)
You got ya wallstreet brotha, ya blue collar brotha,
Your down for whatever chillin on the corner brother
A talented brotha, and to everyone of yall behind barsYou know that Angie loves ya

(Bridge)You mean so much to me, you give me what I need, I'm so proud of you (I said I'm so proud of you)I love you for stayin strong, you got it goin on I'm so proud of you
Going through thick and thin, brothas you gonna win I'm so proud of you
Whenever you facin doubt, brothas gon work it out I'm so proud of you (I got unshakable faith in ya)

"On the real" #6

Okay so I am less than a week away from starting school. I have mixed emotions about the whole thing. On one hand I am ready to see my friends and be able to hang out with them and on the other hand I am not ready for the burden of classes again (you know studying and tests). But life goes on and so I have to follow it.

My relationships this summer have really blossomed. I have also learned new things about myself through others people perspectives (Thanks, you know who you are). I have also learned a lot of life lessons this summer. This summer has made me more aggressive a far as my approach to certain things. And also more appreciative of things (mostly intangible) I have.

All in all the summer has been pretty productive and hopefully the school year will bring the same possibilities. :-P

F.A.T. Chance

For those you who are movie buffs and big Mo'Nique fans I am sure you have seen her new reality show. This show was meant to represent the Fabulous And Thick (F.A.T.) ladies of the nation. This show made me realize that there are really people who struggle with their weight in every aspect of their life. They can allow their weight to hinder them from doing things that only "skinny people" can do ( a lot of the women on the show dispelled that issue very quickly).

In the show Mo'Nique stated that the average American women is a size 14 but the average supermodel is usually about a size 4 or less. Why? Stores like Express and The Limited only carry sizes 12 and smaller. Why? I would like to blame all the insecurities of these plus size women on the media and what they portray on television/movies but that would not be right. You see that may be a large part of it but it goes deeper than that. It is a vicious ongoing cycle that has spiraled out of control.

In America's Next Top Model, a model by the name of Toccara (now on Celebrity Fit Club 2) was the first plus size model one the show. She gave the other smaller framed women a run for their money. She allowed herself to break beyond the stereotypical barrier and venture out into the open. She might have not become America's Next Top Model but she made one giant step for the "real women" all over the world.

Until women like Mo'Nique and Toccara came along these women were lost but now they see they can have a voice and shake what there mama gave them (even if it is a bit extra). I mean why not, they are not invisible so they might as well make it work for the best.
"If you can't love yourself it is going to be hard for someone else to." -Jailyn :-D

Instant Gratification or Delayed Reaction

I am some one who likes things to happen now. This can really be a challenge when it comes to having patience. I have learned though to channel that need for instant gratification into a learning experience. I have learned that things don't always work in your favor and the best things in life are sometimes the things that are the hardest to obtain. I have learned that waiting sometimes makes the victory just a bit sweeter. There is a time and place for everything and that has been a lesson I have had to learn over and over again.

Instant gratification can sometimes also play into my imagination. I have the tendency to sometimes let my imagination get the best of me. To some people this may not seem like a big issue but in my case it is. You see when that happens I can sometimes throw cautiousness to the wind. This allows my emotions to come in and engulf what sense of reason I might have. It makes it hard for me to make a rational decision because there is so much emotion involved.

This is when delayed reaction is needed. This is when I remind myself of the consequences or cost of jumping ahead of the gun. Most times that is enough to get me back on track but there are times when that doesn't even tip the bucket. Sometimes that is just the push I need to keep me on track and remind me that life doesn't wait for me. It helps me realize that instant gratification and delayed reactions mean nothing if you have done nothing.

Throwing caution to the wind and allowing your heart to lead may not always put you in a comfortable position but it gives you a heck of a thrill on the roller coaster of life. 8-)

Rising to the Occasion

Should I have to lower my standards to because I can find anyone on my level? There are so many people who do this just because they have this fear of being alone. Or they think there standards are to high. Whose to say my standards are to high? Does this mean settling because I have to and not because I want to? What's the point? Who is really losing? I am.

I have reached a new plateau in my life, where I just can't be bother with those who don't have my best interest at hand (or for that matter their best interest at hand). I don't mean to sound "uppity" but I mean who wants to settle for something they might not even like enough to keep? I know exactly what I'm worth and others should too (and they should respect me enough to try to keep within those standards).

I have taken the time to be all that I can be as person, why can't I ask for the same out of someone else? If I'm going to have to spend my time and energy with that person, I should be able to at least get what I want. Don't get me wrong I am not saying that I follow my list to a T. What I am saying is I realize what I can get and I go after it. And if I had a ten once I can have a ten again. I don't settle for an eight just because I think that's all I can get. Or that is all that is available right now.

Remember you set the standard(s) to be reached, never settle because you are only cheating yourself. ;-3

"My Heart Rest in Sorrow"

This is a poem I wrote September 23, 2001. I think that it is one of my best works. I wrote it while closing a chapter in the book of my life. So here it goes:

My Heart Rest in Sorrow

To hear the things I wanted to hear

To see the things I wanted to see

To know the things I wanted to know

My heart rest in sorrow

To give the things so precious to me

To take the things rightfully mine

To let you hold to let you borrow

My heart rest in sorrow

To see things in a new light

To feel the things never felt before

To be able to live differently tomorrow

My heart rest in sorrow

I am a poet and I know it! :-P

Dreams: The Key to your Heart

When you go to sleep at night your mind tends to wonder. Often before you drift into a full sleep your thoughts can tend to drift across the day. Well I was just thinking the other day about how powerful and meaningful dreams can be. I mean when I go to sleep everything is out of my hands. Sometimes I have these dreams that are so far fetched, I wonder where my mind is or was. Just think the things that you have your dreams about have to be somehere in the back of your mind. Some of the very things that I have wanted have come to life through my dreams. Sometimes I wish I could live in my dreams I guess the only problem would be that I would never be able to get out and then it would mean that my dreams are reality and then what would reality be, a dream? (ha ha, I am so deep). But anyway this subject sparked my interest the other day when I had a dream. The dream sparked my interest because of what it was about. In the dream things were said that I never really thought were that important at all, but then all of a sudden it seemed real important. A lot of things about you can come out in your dreams. Your dreams can sometimes even predict your daily mood. Just think about the last time you had a good dream you woke up happy. And what about those dreams that you know were important but you can't seem to remember them. Those dreams are probably things that could happen but you don't need to know about just yet. They are like a preview of what is to come. There are good and bad things about dreams like: they don't always come, you can wake up before they finish, sometimes they do come true, and sometimes they can expose your true feelings. Whatever the case may be sleep just wouldn't be as sweet without dreams. Sweet Dreams. ;-]